Sorry I hadn’t seen you since my last party, I guess when you came over things were just so crazy. I mean, with the birthday cake having been bought yesterday and all, I had no idea that it actually could go bad JUST AS THE CANDLES were blown out, so my boyfriend and I were unclogging toilets all night. Adam barely noticed, though, he was so busy getting taller in a few seconds, excited about no lonegr being busted for curfew, and for reasons I cannot fathom changing his entire wardrobe in front of the entire party! And don’t ask me where he got those strange little boxes to appear from when he stripped after his 7th glass of nectar.

Look, I know that even though I am the Chief Surgeon and you still owe me 750 simoleons for your gall bladder transplant, take it from this gay archeologist medical physician world-class chef chess player: get yourself some house mummies. Oh sure, they are slow. And yeah, even if you’ve had them around the house for YEARS you always tend to get startled and forget what you are doing, which does tend to create a few more of those urine stains. But they are handy with a mop, which is good, because those bandages tend to absorb water — keep them out of the sprinklers! But get a few of them to tend to the household chores, and as that sassy lady of finance, SIM ORZEMAN says,: INVEST! Buy up shares of those buildings and bookstores and in no time you can retire and take an entire day getting to your widescreen television so you can collapse in exhaustion on your loveseat.

And pee yourself.

Why and how did you suddenly appear in my bunker? I nearly had my third heart attack!

Ickglan stillstein lamad Chilobsay.

Ickjan mavo stillstein barbomeba. Shutmuyjs Ireland. Nopahgp feaa

Translation: It’s me, Bob. The guy who built your house? Yeah, similar thing happened a few weeks ago. Remember the woman, Nivolr, from down the street? Yeah she’s dead. I’m the guy who built her house. When the police found her suicide note, it read: Braaaaaains, braaaaaaaaains. I’m dying, turning into a zombie, Kill Bob. He forgot to put doors. Kill Bob.

Turns out I’m still in college. Weird, huh?

Anyway, I hope you have a good life. I’m running to Ireland, feel free to join me.

I write from Ukraine to say I share your problem. It feels time goes very fast here and I do not have time to free barter friend then kill military patrol at bridge then bring tail of mutated dog even and day ends. Weather is fast as well sometimes rains then sun comes out ten minutes later then rains again. Though it makes sense here because nuclear power plant exploded and broked reality. But I know how you feels.

ABDUCTED.

ALIENS.

STRANGEVILLE.

..

The sad thing is, people keep moving into the neighbor hood. The floating houses seem to be an attraction, even though the science behind it is shady at best.

Hey Stiles, it’s me, Stacy from the other night. I just wanted to touch base with you after seeing this article and apologize for leaving. I have to say, I was honestly quite impressed by your place, and coming from a wealthy family myself, I know how hard it is to be rich sometimes. Give me a call sometime, I’d love to chat you up about yo-yo’s.

P.S. I had an accident on your deck. I’m so sorry.