Concerned Extras

Continuing the rating of objects you can kill people with in Half-Life 2 Deathmatch.

Part I is here.
Part II is here.

A quick rundown on the scoring tools:
Offense: How effective an offensive weapon the object is
Defense: How effective a sheild the object is from enemy attack
VFM: (Vision Factor/Manuverability): Generally related to size: larger tend to obscure your vision and are harder to run around with

These three attributes are scored from 1-10, and bonuses such as Availability (how hard it is to find each object) and Shame (how much embarrassment you enemy feels after being killed by each object) are scored from 1-5 (though sometimes they may have negative values). It’s added up and divided by three, giving you the score.

The Rowboat

Maps: Runoff
Initial Location: A couple lying in the dry river bed: will respawn when destroyed

There’s not a whole lot of point to picking up a rowboat. They’re big, bulky, easily destroyed by gunfire or grenades, and when thrown, you have to be dead-accurate or they’ll splinter around or bounce off your enemy. Trying to climb a ladder or navigate a corridor with one is awkward, and running around with a huge boat noisily banging into things isn’t exactly stealthy. The damage you cause the boat just from banging it into walls and doorways can cause it to fall apart, forcing you to retrace your steps and find a new one.

I’m not speculating about this, by the way. I spent a good half-hour running around dm_runoff with a rowboat trying to kill people with it.

Still. It’s fun to kill someone with a rowboat, and if you put in the time and effort it takes to hunt someone down while carrying a sizeable watercraft, you definitely get something for the effort.

Offense: 2
Defense: 2
VFM: 1
Shame Bonus: +5
A for Effort Bonus: +1
Availability Bonus: 0
Fun to Kill Someone With a Rowboat: +2
Score: 3.7

The AR2 Orb

Maps: All
Initial Location: Bouncing around or flying at you

It’s not really an object, per se, but it’s definitely a projectile. This orb is the secondary fire of the AR2 pulse rifle. It’s a one-hit kill, and can take out up to three enemies before dematerializing. Only problem with this deadly weapon is you can’t just pick it up with the gravgun – you have to catch it.

It’s fairly tricky. When fired from the rifle, the orb flies at great velocity, rebounds all over the place, and only lasts for about three seconds. If you’re already holding something with your Claw, you’ll have to drop it, leaving you exposed to the primary fire of whoever shot the orb at you in the first place. However, a good deathmatcher should be able to snag one now and again (plus, you can fire one from your own rifle at a wall, switch to the grav gun, and snag it yourself — though I don’t know why you’d bother).

The orb doesn’t last forever in the zero-point energy field of your claw, but when you release it, it’s as if it has been fired right out of the gun. Once you’ve caught and released it, it’s no danger to you unless someone else catches it and sends it back. Defensively, it won’t stop anything coming your way, but it’s an offensive powerhouse, and perhaps the coolest way of taking down an enemy who just launched one at you.

Offense: 9
Defense: 0
VFM: 9
Shame Bonus: +4
Availability Bonus: +1
Style Bonus: +5
Score: 9.3

The Oil Drum

Maps: All
Initial Location: Here and there

Sort of the missionary position of HL2DM projectiles — they get the job done just fine, but they’re not the most adventurous things to throw into somebody’s face. Still, there are enough of them that you’ll always have one or two handy. They make a fine shield against small arms fire, and don’t take up a whole lot of your screen. Definitely a standard, average sort of object to brain somebody with.

Offense: 5
Defense: 7
VFM: 6
Shame Bonus: 0
Availability Bonus: +2
Snore Factor: -2
Score: 6.0

The Watermelon

Maps: Overwatch
Initial Location: Two on the roof, near the RPG

Perhaps the most shameful death anyone can experience in HL2DM is death by melon. Sure, the toilet-kill is embarrassing, but if someone hurled a toilet into your face in real life, you could definitely expect massive injury. Same with a rowboat or most of the other objects in the game. But a small watermelon? There’s nothing quite so degrading. Plus, it makes a lovely SPLORCH sound when it splatters into juicy fragments.

Unfortunately, you have to be spot-on with your aim, and it helps if your enemy isn’t at full-health. If you miss, the melon will probably splatter against whatever it hits, so you really only get one chance. And, melon, no matter how delicious, isn’t the best shield against gunfire, as one might expect. But who cares? You’re killing a dude with a friggin’ watermelon.

Offense: 2
Defense: 1
VFM: 8
Shame Bonus: +5
Availability Bonus: -5
Style Bonus: +2
SPLORCH Bonus: +1
Score: 4.7

The Gas Can

Maps: Underpass
Initial Location: Underground tunnels

If the Explosive Barrel is the Jabba The Hutt of HL2DM, then the Gas Can is Salacious Crumb: it does its best to ape the big guy, but it’s little more than an annoyance.

Sure, the gas can will explode on contact like the explosive barrel, but it doesn’t do a heck of a lot of damage. In the actual game of Half-Life 2, they’re useful for setting enemies on fire, which will eventually kill them, but in deathmatch, they just explode with a poof and your target will not be engulfed in flesh-eating flames. Frankly, it would be nice to be able to slowly roast your enemies in DM, but it’s just not coded that way.

Obviously, a gas-filled container is not the best thing to hide from bullets behind. On the plus side, if it does explode in your face, you won’t be killed unless you’re already low on health.

Offense: 3
Defense: 1
VFM: 7
Shame Bonus: +1
Availability Bonus: -2
Score: 3.3

Continuing the rating of objects you can kill people with in Half-Life 2 Deathmatch. If you missed Part I, it’s here.

A quick rundown on the scoring tools:
Offense: How effective an offensive weapon the object is
Defense: How effective a sheild the object is from enemy attack
VFM: (Vision Factor/Manuverability): Generally related to size: larger tend to obscure your vision and are harder to run around with

These three attributes are scored from 1-10, and bonuses such as Availability (how hard it is to find each object) and Shame (how much embarrassment you enemy feels after being killed by each object) are scored from 1-5 (though sometimes they may have negative values). It’s added up and divided by three, giving you the score.

The Automobile

Maps: Overwatch
Initial Location: Street

Okay, you can’t technically pick up and throw the automobiles — they’re too heavy. However, using the primary fire on your gravgun, you can knock it around a bit, using it to crush any slow-footed opponents.

While it completely blocks your view, it can provide cover from even the deadlier standard weapons, such as the RPG, and if you really get the car rolling (well, tumbling) you can wipe out any number of opponents in your path.

It’s also a fine tool for judging if you’ve found a good, gravgun-friendly server. If you start zapping one of the cars at someone, and they switch to their grav gun and start zapping it back at you, it’s a good server. If they simply side-step the rolling car and kill you with their oh-so-precious crossbow or .357, the server sucks and they’re wanks.

Offense: 5
Defense: 8
VFM: 0
Shame Bonus: +2
Availability Bonus: 0
Style Bonus: +2
Score: 5.7

The Standard Wooden Crate

Maps: All
Initial Location: Everywhere, respawning after destruction

A game just isn’t a game with the great taste of wooden crates. They can be found nearly everywhere in all types of games, and have many uses. Crack ‘em open to find ammo and health, stack ‘em and jump on ‘em to solve jumping puzzles, or use them to hide behind or to block doors. Now, with HL2 Deathmatch, you can use them to kill teenagers with names like [KiL]De|\/|0N-P3N1S.

They’re breakable, meaning they can only take a certain amount of damage before busting into fragments, which limits their defensive capabilities. They’re also not always fatal when thrown at an enemy, depending on the level of his health and armor. They may bounce off him, or explode around him. And, they’re a bit unweildy, blocking your view and giving you some problems in narrow spaces. Not the best choice, and should only be used in a pinch.

Offense: 3
Defense: 3
VFM: 3
Shame Bonus: +2
Availability Bonus: +3
Score: 4.7

The Giant Section of Chain Link Fence

Maps: Lockdown
Initial Location: Near RPG floor duct

It’s huge and only fits through even the widest doorways with a lot of struggling, so there are really only a few sections of the map you can carry it to. For such a large object, however, it’s chain link, so it doesn’t obscure your vision. On the other hand, it doesn’t do much to stop bullets heading your way.

A nice shame bonus is applied, because if someone is slow and stupid enough to be killed by your giant, awkward chain link fence, they really look bad.

Offense: 2
Defense: 2
VFM: 3
Shame Bonus: +5
Availability Bonus: -2
Score: 3.3

The Shovel

Maps: Resistance
Initial Location: Lying around

Most maps don’t have them, and there’s only one shovel per map that does. Of course, I have a natural fondness for the shovel, and am killed many, many times in the course of trying to locate and kill someone with the shovel, but when it happens, it’s worth it.

Slim as they are, they’re easy to see around but are almost worthless defensively.

Offense: 2
Defense: 1
VFM: 6
Shame Bonus: +2
Availability Bonus: -1
Frohwnage Bonus: +1
Score: 3.7

Luggage Cart

Maps: Resistance
Initial Location: Two near sunken pit

A great DM weapon. The luggage cart is big and extremely awkward to run around with, but you can generally pick it up in such a way that it doesn’t obscure too much of your view. It’s an excellent shield for small arms fire, and its width makes for a nice easy kill when thrown in the general vicinity of your target. Although there aren’t many luggage racks around, they’re very easy to spot when they are.

Offense: 8
Defense: 7
VFM: 4
Shame Bonus: +3
Availability Bonus: +1
Score: 7.7