It’s your lucky day, because now you can do what you’ve always wanted to do: send me some of your hard-earned money!
I’m sure this is going to sound like a lie, but I do get a fair number of requests from readers who’d like to contribute. And, I like to give the people what they want (except for more To The Deaths, apparently).
Anyway. If you’ve got a couple bucks you weren’t planning to spend on anything (and who doesn’t?), and you feel like you absolutely have to send it to someone (because you’re tired of looking at it sitting there uselessly on your desk), and you’d like that someone to be me, now you can.
Keep in mind, and this is important, that the money you send will really be going to me, and not the website. The comic won’t get funnier if you send money (if only it worked that way). It won’t be updated more often. And, most importantly, the comic won’t vanish if you don’t send money. I’m not holding the comic hostage or anything. This is completely voluntary on your part, and you shouldn’t feel any pressure or guilt or anything. The comic and site are free, and even if I accumulate a total of zero dollars, it’ll still be published with the same attention to detail (that is, very little) as it currently is.
If you’re wondering where your donation will actually go, here’s a handy guide to help you out, with the dollar amounts listed and how they’ll most likely be spent.
$1 — Anything I want at the 99 Cent Store (plus, change!)
$2 — A huge cup of plain coffee. The lifeblood.
$3 — A breakfast burrito (no meat) from the Maggot Wagon (those disgusting trucks that sell food to construction workers)
$4 — A gallon of gas for the Volvo (predicted 2007 prices)
$5 — A delicious and healthy pack of cigarettes. Lung-a-riffic!
$6 — A lunch at Subway, just like Jared has.
$7 — Anything I want at the 7 Dollar Store (no change, though).
$8 — Anything I want at the 7 Dollar Store, plus a buck to give the guy panhandling outside the 7 Dollar Store. His name is James, and he’s a little stinky.
$9 — A couple of gaming magazines, so I can catch up on the latest outdated gaming news
$10 — One ticket to a current quality film, such as… well, there’s nothing good out now.
$15 — Small soda at aforementioned film that isn’t playing
$20 — A copy (via Steam) of Half-Life 2: Episode One (coming June 1st!)
$25 — A free month of web hosting (I have two sites)
$50 — Could be for a bribe. Could be to have some schmoe worked over in a dark alley. You don’t want to know my business. Trust me.
$100 — A posh dinner. One with cloth napkins.
$250 — An iPod. No songs, but I can pretend to be listening to something by bobbing my head and dancing like an idiot down the street.
$500 — Anything I want at the 500 Dollar Store
$1,000 — Enough songs to fill a small amount of memory on the iPod from before.
$10,000 — A seriously cool new gaming rig.
$100,000 — Ten seriously cool new gaming rigs, at least one of which I’ll install in my bathroom so I can play games on the can.
$1,000,000 — A million lottery tickets.
$500,000,000 — My very own Citadel, pointing into the clouds like an accusatory finger, from which I can broker the very end of humankind. Also, maybe a new pair of jeans.
Here’s a button to help you out, and there’s one on the main comic page, down near the bottom. And thanks!