{"id":385,"date":"2010-04-06T19:35:36","date_gmt":"2010-04-06T19:35:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.firstpersonobserver.com\/?p=26"},"modified":"2012-06-12T19:55:18","modified_gmt":"2012-06-13T03:55:18","slug":"elite-soldier-injured-after-accidentally-firing-rocket","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.screencuisine.net\/firstpersonobserver\/local\/elite-soldier-injured-after-accidentally-firing-rocket\/","title":{"rendered":"Elite Soldier Accidentally Fires Rocket, Injures Self"},"content":{"rendered":"

$\"\"$ <\/a>Dushanbe, Tajikistan<\/strong> — A highly trained U.S. military commando reported injuring himself this morning while on a dangerous covert mission that has become a race against time itself. The incident occurred when the commando inadvertently fired a missile that exploded in his vicinity, badly wounding him.<\/p>\n

“It was an accident,” the commando explained. “I thought I was holding my binoculars but it turned out I was holding my missile launcher.”<\/p>\n

Covered in blood and riddled with shrapnel, the covert agent, who had become separated from his squad late last night when their transport plane was shot down, described the incident.<\/p>\n

“Well, I wanted to take out my binoculars to have a look at the enemy base over there. So, I was cycling through all my weapons, really quickly,” the lone-wolf military veteran explained. “You know, taking out my pistol, putting it away, taking out my shotgun, putting it away, taking out my [sub-machine gun], putting it away. I thought I’d gotten all the way to my binoculars, but I guess I stopped on my rocket launcher, which I always take out just prior to taking out my binoculars.”<\/p>\n

Believing he was holding his high-tech. lightweight binoculars and not his 38 pound FGM-148 Javelin guided missile launcher, he quickly depressed what he thought was the button that would activate the 18x magnification zoom feature of his digital spyglass.<\/p>\n

Instead of getting a close-up look at the distant enemy military base, however, he was surprised to find he had in fact fired a missile. The missile immediately collided with the waist-high stone wall he’d been taking cover behind, and exploded. The explosion severely injured the black-ops commando, who had been appointed to his mission by none other than the President of the United States himself in a desperate, zero-hour gambit to prevent a nuclear holocaust. Shrapnel tore through the commando’s body-armor and flesh, nearly killing him.<\/p>\n

“It’s not a huge deal,” the gruff operative said. ” If I just wait five, maybe ten seconds, I’ll fully recover from my injuries. My breathing will return to normal, those blood-spatters on my eyeballs will fade, my heartbeat will stop throbbing in my ears. It just sucks because that was my last rocket and I’m pretty sure there’s a helicopter that comes out when I get near that base.”<\/p>\n

He paused, already looking healthier. “Sometimes I do something similar when I’m in a rush. Like, I’ll mean to open an ammo crate but instead I’ll turn on my flashlight. Last night, I had stolen this jeep and was driving at top speed through a village. I meant to pull out my map to see where I was, but instead I accidentally jumped out of the jeep. Dove right into the street, at about seventy miles an hour. Man, that hurt.”<\/p>\n

He laughed, seeming to possess fond memories of the incident that had resulted in two bystanders being killed by the out-of-control jeep. “I had to go all the way back to the middle of the village to attempt my daring, high-speed escape again, too,” he said, shaking his head.<\/p>\n

“Mainly, I just feel a little stupid about mistaking the zoom function on my binoculars for the launch trigger on my enormous shoulder-mounted laser-guided anti-tank weapon. ”<\/p>\n

“But hey,” the lone hope for the free world added. “It happens to the best of us.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"