Nondrick's Non-adventure

A Bitter Brew

I reach Leyawiin at nightfall, meaning the shops have closed and I’m forced to peddle my mushrooms and mushroom-related potions at the DragonClaw Inn. This isn’t a huge problem, except that innkeepers generally have a 50 dollar per transaction limit, so selling my 52 Restore Fatigue potions for 13 bucks each is going to take a lot of clicking.

Still, when I’m done buying, mixing, and selling, I’m sitting on over 2,600 septims. Noice! I’ll have to see what a house goes for in this town. For now, it’s off to bed in the Dragon Claw Inn.

In the morning, I hit The Dividing Line, a weapons and armor shop, get everything repaired, and sell off my extras. I’m ditching all my heavy armor — it’s just too slow and clunky when worn by an alchemist who is already far too slow and clunky. Leather armor it is, until I can find something light to upgrade to.

Next, I visit the Great Chapel of Zenithar. Forget what the tour books say: its not that great. It looks exactly like every other chapel Ive been in. On the other hand, I finally find a priest selling a spell that will allow me to heal my horse, Beaker. Its called Convalescence, and it costs me about 230 gold. Worth it, though, as now Ill be able to take care of my beloved horsie.

I visit a few other shops, plus the Mages Guild, looking for ingredients to cure my wolf-borne diseases. Im also looking for some shoes, since I dont seem to have any for some reason, and a leather helmet to replace my iron one. No luck on either front. Im also starting to get a bit frustrated about my disease situation. I just need one stinking ingredient with the Cure Disease property, but I cant find one, or buy one, anywhere. With all these canine diseases in my system, I’m more dog now, than man.

Meanwhile, the hot topic in this exciting new town is focused on one thing: a woman named Rosentia Gallenus and how her house smells.

Well, this is a bit sad. The game has definitely gotten the impression that I’m not looking for adventure — in fact, I’m actively avoiding it — and it’s stooping so low as to repeatedly invite me to check out a stinky house.

Two things about this. First off, even as a non-adventurer, it’s just not appealing. Okay, it doesn’t sound dangerous and thrilling, which is a plus in Nondrick’s book, but it doesn’t sound pleasant, either. Why not have her house smell like fresh herbs? Then I might take a peek.

Secondly, if I were an adventurer, running about trying to close Oblivion gates and stave off demon hordes, why the hell would I want to check out a smelly house, either? Sure, it sounds like there’s definitely a problem in there, but I’m busy trying to save the frigging world. This seems like a quest fit for absolutely no one.

Okay, that’s a little better. An adventurer might pop his head in now and see what’s going on. Still, I ain’t interested.

At the castle, I discover that the house for sale in Leyawiin can be had for only $7,000 bucks. Thats not bad at all. I check out some nearby houses to see what mine might look like, and its practically a mansion for your humble alchemist. Beats my one room hovel in Imperial City, though Im not crazy about the location. Leyawiin is in the very deep south, at the very bottom of the game’s map, and as a gatherer, I need fertile land in all directions to make a living. Id better check out the surrounding countryside to peep what groweth there.

I strike out to the west and north the next morning. Theres not much to find in the marshy landscape except more mushrooms. A Khajiit bandit (female, of course) attacks me after I poke my unprotected noggin into Undertow Cavern. She falls with just a two swings of my longsword. Should’ve spent more time practicing and less time on the complicated hairdo. Women!

Upon finding Telepe, some Ayleid ruins, I hear a voice yell Showing your face around here is the last mistake youll ever make! Im a little confused, since the speaker sounded like he was about a mile away and hollering into a bucket. No one appears and attacks me as I wander carefully around. Eventually, Im struck by a number of arrows, but I still have no idea where from.

I stroll away, arrows protruding, confused. I’ve learned my lesson, though, and I won’t show my face in that general area again.

In a small settlement called Waters Edge, I let myself into the home of Jolie and Eduard Retiene, a pleasant couple who have chosen to spend their day standing and silently contemplating one of the walls in their home. Guess theyre waiting for TV to be invented.

Im so desperate for finding a curative ingredient that I break one of my rules and raid their garden, picking all the vegetables and examining their properties. No dice. Feeling guilty for stealing from these humble, gently retarded farmers, I drop a silver cup and a couple repair hammers in the garden I just molested, as a form of payment. Its sort of like in a movie, when a mobster smashes a reporters camera and then chucks some bills from a roll of hundreds on the ground, only not even remotely as cool.

A little further up the road, I find the settlement known as Border Watch. Its sizable, with several homes and a cluster of citizens all standing around talking to each other about horribly boring things. I stop at the Border Watch Inn, where the owner has get this — a cheese collection.

How awesome is that? Thats way better than my collection of silverware Ive pulled out of wolf rectums. Way better. Im insanely jealous.

I step back outside, and chat up the locals. One of them has a cool black cloak and hood. Again, Im jealous. Nondrick would look great in a hood like that. At least from the back. Im starting to hate Border Watch its making me feel inadequate. These NPCs are much cooler than I am.

I approach a house and, since its unlocked, let myself inside. Its totally trashed. Weird. In a busted crate, a potion of Cure Disease mocks me. The game itself is mocking me, I decide. As I chose to snub the overflowing adventure it constantly attempts to drown me in, it has chosen to make my own personal quest, to cure my own diseases with my alchemical skills, impossible. Ill never cure my diseases. Not without having to resort to theft. Not without breaking my rules.

Im beginning to feel like a failure of an NPC. I dont have a kickass cheese collection and for all my time spent picking ingredients and mixing potions, Im still crawling with canine parasites. And I dont even have a pair of shoes or a nice hood. No wonder I never score with the honeys.

I wander around the town for a bit. There are several sheep walking about. Maybe its the wolf parasites infesting my system, but I consider killing one of the sheep. Mutton might have some curative properties, after all. No one is around. Im desperate. I hack at a sheep, which takes considerably longer to fall than the female bandit from earlier.

I kill it, and open it up to see what’s inside.

This sheep, somehow, is completely empty. Mutton-free. I guess it was full of air. Goddamn discount sheep.

Despondent, I let myself into another house, which is also weirdly trashed. I spot some shoes on a table and consider taking them. Why not? Ive raided a garden. Ive murdered livestock. The game is clearly denying my the few things I want and need, and it’s turning me into a crazed, thieving, half-wolf NPC.

I also spot a Shepherds Pie on the table. I pick it up to examine its properties.

Bingo. Its the ingredient I need to cure myself. And all it will take is an act of theft.

Is it really theft if I leave something as payment, like I did in the garden? Am I being un-NPC-like? Am I failing in my goal in playing as a benign alchemist? Am I betraying my inner-Nondrick by killing air-filled livestock and swapping near-worthless items with unknowing NPCs?

Screw it. I mix up my Cure Disease potion. One part purchased Elf Cup Cap, one part stolen Shepherds Pie. The deed is done. I drop a couple repair hammers as payment and walk outside.

I can cure myself right now. Right now! But should I? My one self-driven quest is at an end, but it meant buying one ingredient and stealing another, and then smooshing them together in a cup. One sip, and I’m cured.

But can I do it? Should I do it? Should I belt back this bitter beverage of betrayal? Should I deviously down this dirty drink of disappointment? Should I peevishly partake of this perverse potion of something starting with p?

Comments

  1. Killa-Ewok says:

    YAAAAAAAAAAAAY

  2. FINALLY

  3. Nondrick lives again!

  4. Addicted (still alive) says:

    Thank you!!!!!!!!

  5. Killa-Ewok says:

    Don’t drink it. The diseases shall remain in Nondrick as a superhero-ish special trait from which he can be recognized from afar.

  6. Drink it, drinky

  7. Oh thank god, I was starting to think that Nondrick was going to never come back!

  8. usualroutine says:

    DON’T DO IT! Sure, you’ll finally be no dog and all man (sexual innuendo goes here), but at what cost? Do down-on-their-luck NPCs search every available house for disease-curing ingredients? You bet they don’t. In fact, the beggars don’t even accost you for money unless you ask them to accost you. Damn, Cyrodil has some pansy beggars…

  9. Adoring Fan says:

    How many times did you try to go into VATS mode while making this episode?

  10. The Green Lantern says:

    I haven’t even read it yet.

    I just wanted to say…

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

  11. Washcloth says:

    PRAISE JEEBUS!

  12. Addicted (still alive) says:

    @ Adoring Fan- I do that all the time. I tried to do that during GOW2. That’s NOTHING like Fallout 3,but I was really confused because I was trying to get a headshot but it wasn’t working. I guess that gunshot wound from Joeman has given me brain damage.

  13. HyperKUltra says:

    @ usualroutine : Bow chicka Bow wow

    DRINK THE BLOODY THING. NOW.

  14. <3

  15. Yes. Idiot.

  16. vadermath (resurrected) says:

    Fucking YES! Chris the Mighty rides again! Come forth, my friends! Washcloth! Green Lantern! Addicted! Joeman! Max! We have made it!

  17. “But can I do it? Should I do it? Should I belt back this bitter beverage of betrayal? Should I deviously down this dirty drink of disappointment? Should I peevishly partake of this perverse potion of something starting with p?”
    Yes. Now.

  18. Dear Nondrick,

    Sensitive though I am to the delicacy of the ethical quandary in which you find yourself, it seems to me that drinking the Cure Disease potion is the only rational course. You have already committed the actions whose morality you now debate, and refraining from using the resulting concoction will not un-steal the Shepherd’s Pie or un-mush it up with the purchased mushroom. Yet again, if you do partake of that perverse potion of pathetic pilfering (you’re welcome), you will gain in strength and be better able to change your behavior, to become that ideal to which you have long aspired.

    Yours in good health,
    KILLXORZ999

  19. It’s an Inauguration Day miracle!

  20. You have to remember… it’s not Nondrick at work in this chapter. It’s this half-dog, half-fish-man creature he has been. It affects your inhibitions but apparently not your guilt. Anyway, that seems like a good excuse to me.

    And after you take the potion, you can have a moment of “what have I done!” and then it’s all better. The end!

  21. I’ve got it! Pie! Because there is a pie in the perverse potion!!

    or Plunder, because you stole the pie?

  22. Just drink the damn potion. Every NPC with half a brain would.

  23. Nondrick returns!

  24. Midget52 (Deceased) says:

    Damn. So I wasted all my cash on a cybernetic human body for NOTHING?

    And what the hell am i going to do with this goat?

    Seriously, AWESOME. Thank you sincerly Chris. Also, sorry for trying to break your other sites.

    @ The “Hiatus” Commenters: Parting is such sweet sorrow.

  25. The hell.

  26. Dude, why isn’t Nondrick dead yet?

  27. If you drink then you will stop chasing kahjit and barking at postmen, but in the days to come the immoral acts that led to your cure will weigh so heavily upon your mind that nondrick may start to do silly things to make up for it, he may even resort to going on adventures!!!

  28. You shouldn’t until you’re a walking petri dish. That way you get the most out of your potion!

  29. Joeman (Neck Is Hurting) says:

    I guess it is farewell to all my hiatus friends. We probably won’t see each other as much as the comments will be flooded by other less committed Nondrick fans. Vadermath,Washcloth,Midget 52,Waffles,Addicted,Max.
    Goodbye.

  30. Yay Nondrick!!

    btw Joeman, even not so commited Nondrick fans can enjoy his non-adventures. (Provided, I’m not one of them. I was with Senor Frohman, may he rest in peace, 5 days before his adventures ended, and have been with good ol’ Nonnie since the beginning)

  31. HURRAY UPDATE!!!

    Also, fuck you hiatus pricks for not including me in your precious circle. I don’t want to be associated with you anyway.

  32. It doesn’t make Nondrick not an NPC, it simply means he has a low responsibility stat.

  33. Sorry Mike, Joeman forgot to include you.

  34. All you nondrick fans should start a webring or something.

  35. Omg I go the same as with mike! I was there holding up my torch!

  36. It was worth the wait. Thank you, Chris. :)

  37. Chug chug chug chug!

  38. Joeman (Neck Is Hurting) says:

    Jesus people

    @ Mike, You know I was so going to double post and include you but then you called me a prick.
    Actually that’s a lie, sorry man.
    @ Jeremy You are right that non committed fans can enjoy nondrick, I was not implying that they can’t. Thank you for not calling me a prick.

  39. Christopholes says:

    GOD YES OH OH OH OHHHHHHHH YEEEEAH!

    Thank you Chris. Now the insanity can finally end.

  40. Combat Womble says:

    Nice! And altho the insanity will be missed its great to see nondrick back, WELL WORTH THE WAIT!!!!!

    Ps Nondrick the Non adventurer cant on good consience heal his numerous problems with stolen pie, how could he sleep at night!

  41. “Goddamn discount sheep!” Loved it. =D

    Visit the Colovian Highlands above Chorrol! Mandrake root is there! Lots of it!

  42. Omg FINALLY!!! Iv’e been checking every single day to see if there has been a update, but FINALLY!!!

    Oh yeah I think you should drink it

  43. Nibwoddle says:

    DON’T DRINK IT!

  44. ukonvasara says:

    I think you’re looking for “panacea.”

    Also, definitely drink the potion. Sometimes even ordinary people are pushed to extraordinary circumstances. If it helps, pretend you commissioned some chump PC to gather the ingredients for you.

  45. Do eeeeet.

  46. Out Reach says:

    Nice. I hear good things about plant life in bravil.

  47. Casper_aa says:

    Sounds like Nondrick has a little evil in him, well…maybe not evil exatly. Anyway i like the direction he is going, perhaps this stealing then dropping of repair hammers will be become his signature calling card?

  48. Pie! Perverse potion of pie.

  49. Jacob Singer says:

    First a new Battlestar Galactica last Friday, then Obama’s inauguration on Tuesday, then a new Lost episode last night, then I wake up to the new adventures of Nondrick?

    Have I died and gone to heaven?

  50. Jacob Singer.

    Welcome to the afterlife. Here you can have as much cocoa butter as you want and occasionally indulge in videogame-related blogs.

    Also Nondrick DON’T drink it! Such an act of free will isn’t fitting for an NPC!

  51. Jungiebumper says:

    To be honest, you’ve gone through so much with that disease. Are all those hours really going to be wasted, by curing it illegally?

  52. Awesome AND a cliffhanger!?!?!?

  53. That one guy says:

    Erm. Felt this kind of went against the spirit of the Nondrick I used to know. Still, it’s nice to read some new material after 15+ re-reads.

    Well, that’s all for the next 2 months folks!

  54. spacecase610 says:

    @Joerdgs: You forget, most of the NPCs dont have half a brain.
    On the other hand, DRINK THE BLOODY POTION!

  55. If Nondrick does continue his life of Crime, at least he’s a bumbling Criminal!

  56. pjhartung says:

    Wow an oblivion adventure…this is amazing. I’ll be tagging this and perhaps considering something similar to the next elder scrolls! Keep up the good work!

  57. You don’t have to worry about drinking it, sir. I have just notified the authorities that you are a thief, and have stolen on at least two occasions. Canine diseases are the least of your worries!

  58. vadermath (resurrected) says:

    @Every Nondrick fan: Heaven is here dudes, rejoice! And anyone who hasn’t been much on Hiatus, that doesn’t make them any less of a fan. It simply means they learned to deal with the long wait, unlike some of us ;) And once more I tell you, we should have a forum! If anyone makes one, or if Chris makes one, please share it!

  59. Yes Nondrick, you must drink the potion. Search your feelings. You know it to be true. Drink the potion now and fulfill your destiny. Forget about your feeble NPC friends. Join us adventurers on the dark side and your journey will be complete. (We have cookies!!!!)

    Sorry couldn’t help myself. ;)

  60. Let us all rejoice in the return of Nondrick! : D

  61. Timmy Petersson says:

    I’m so happy right now! GO NONDRICK!

  62. XChillaGorillaX says:

    Thanks i love you, chris, 4 doing the nondrick again!!

  63. xarizona12 says:

    um….im so happy??i love you??(not that kind….

  64. YAY! YAY! YAY!
    “Mutton-free. I guess it was full of air. Goddamn discount sheep.” This line cracked me up so hard. I am so happy you found time to post! Yay Nondrick and Yeah Chris!

  65. Don’t worry about the Border Watch Inn owner having a bigger collection than you, Nondrick; she’s probably spent years collecting that cheese, and I’ll bet she didn’t have to pull it out of disease-ridden animals.

  66. Korovashya says:

    Even though i am on holiday in Hawaii (BTW: I do not live in the USA) i still pay freakin $24 (US) a day to get a friggen email connection just so i could check on nondrick…

    …AND IT WAS BLOODY WORTH IT!!!

  67. Korovashya says:

    BEUTY BONZA MATE!!!

    (I bet you can tell where I live now)

    {Sorry about the double entry but i could not resist}

    [yes, i am aware that no-one has used parenthesis since the 1980's but I don't care]

  68. I think Nondrick needs to go looking for ingredients in Underpall Cave, lol, jk. I love Nondrick and screw all the quests drink the drink and think up a new quest for Nondrick. Like filling your Imperial City shack with cure disease potions and wolf pelts, lol.

  69. What are you all of a sudden, Hamlet? All this agonising over whether to drink a potion just because some of the ingredients weren’t dug up with your own hands. Obviously you need to channel a bit of your corpse nibbling, slave taking Fallout 3 character who’d have necked it down in the 2nd sentence and in the 3rd would probably be doing something unspeakable with the leftover shepherd’s pie.

  70. MORE MORE MORE, I NEED MORE!

  71. XChillaGorillaX says:

    we are going to wait again… i feel it…

  72. Korovashya says:

    Then I hope you are not psychic

  73. What is this? Theft? Livestock murder? This is clearly not nondrick. It’s an evil clone. Please tell me it’s an evil clone :(.

    What’s next? Joining the thives guild? Raiding towns? Nondrick is crealy too much of a chicken for all of this. I think the ghost encounter screwwed his head a little. Nondrick needs a shrink!

  74. A potion of pestilence purging, perhaps?

  75. Peevishly partake of this perverse potion of pie?

  76. Sorry for a sort of double post, but I forgot to include this one little thing:

    Don’t feel bad about the stealing. Some NPCs steal for a living, the ones that aren’t even in the thieves guild. That one merchant in the Dark Brotherhood quest steals plenty of sh*t on the road, so join in Nonnie!!

  77. Fat Zombie says:

    When I read the part about the sheep, I got a mental image of Nondrick slashing at the sheep, only for it to implode with a sad huffing noise, like a football being deflated.

    Hilarious post. Although I don’t read this religiously, it’s still fun to read your hilarious wordthinks.

  78. Sandro the necromancer says:

    No Nondrick! Dont do it! You will never forgive yourself if you drink that!

    That said: Intresting episode, never even conciderd going to those settlements when i played.

  79. Korovashya says:

    Do not drink it, your morals and virtues are the only thing that keeps you who you are.

  80. DethPenguin says:

    Dont drink it.

  81. Korovashya says:

    I don’t mean to be rude but could you get to work on the next installment? Just to reasurre us you know? It’s just that we don’t want a repeat of the hiatus ‘incident’.

  82. This moral dilemma stuff is brilliant. Just look at the comments. Surprised by the number of pure souls around, does this mean humanity is not completely rubbish after all?!

  83. Midget52 (Deceased) says:

    Wow. The comments on Hiatus have been maxed out. Or locked.

    Coingratulations! We broke the internet.

  84. Nice Read :) The part about ‘Only 50 Dollars during each session’ made me laugh. I recommend you use the Living Economy Mod to remedy that, and a lot more. Here’s a link – http://tinyurl.com/b3og8q

  85. Midget52 (Deceased) says:

    p.s.

    @korovashya: I wouldn’t call it an incident. More the culmination of a desperate era where anything is possible.

    @Nondrick: Don’t drink the stolen potion. They put something in it. To make you forget. I don’t even remember how you got it.

    (Rechecks article)

    Oh, yeah.

  86. vadermath (resurrected) says:

    @Hiatus guys: How about this: One of us makes a non-forum! Quickly!

  87. The Green Lantern says:

    GET TO IT, MAN!!!

    Time is of the essence!

  88. Joeman (Neck Is Hurting) says:

    Who shall be brave enough to make this forum of Nondrickness?

    I sure can’t, i’ve got things to do.

  89. well, drink the potion, and then, go for your next quest: to buy a hoodie. or a full visor helm. or stuff!

    maybe, try getting your self a nice suit for the city.. haha

  90. all that is good and pure says:

    to be perfectly honest:
    DONT DRINK IT!!!!!!!!

  91. Korovashya says:

    I am pretty sure chris would have been able to make a decision by now, based on all our input. But I have a new idea, to be catious, Nondrick should sleep on it first, (if he hasn’t already turned into a rabid dog) and if he still thinks that he should drink the potion, then he should slip it into some beggers drink to see what happens. You know, just in case…

  92. austinpwnz says:

    Nondrick lives! Awesome!

    I really enjoyed this entry and found myself laughing out loud several times (even though it’s quite late at night).

    Also I think Nondrick should drink the potion, as he’s fairly desperate by now…but he might have to do some good deeds in restitution. Maybe a shrine quest?

  93. When I got to Water’s Edge when I played the game, I stole all of her cheese.

  94. The Green Lantern says:

    You low-down dirty cheese thief!

  95. so ummm… yeah… what am i supposed to do with all these dead babies now?

  96. Joeman (Neck Is Hurting) says:

    EAT THEM. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    (evil snicker)

  97. @The Green Lantern- What did you just call me?

  98. Why does everyone pick on poor Addicted?

  99. Hmm, you seem a bit evil Joeman. You must have gotten the Cannibal perk.

  100. vadermath (resurrected) says:

    100th comment! This seems to grow as well, except a bit slower than Hiatus.

  101. Midget52 (Deceased) says:

    what is the need for another hiatus sized comment section? We only just got this one! Wait a couple of weeks, THEN start the flood and cybernetic-author-making/baby-bloodbath.

  102. michaelbolton says:

    perfidy.

    ’tis a perverse potion of perfidy.

  103. Joeman (Neck Is Hurting) says:

    @Midget52 we need a new hiatus sized comments section because all conversations that are not about Nondrick bore me.

  104. The Green Lantern says:

    @ Addicted

    I said…

    That’s a wonderful shirt you have on.

  105. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoh this made my day————————————————————————
    THE BEST THE BEST BEST BEST BEST BEST BEST BEST BEST BEAST BEAUTY BOOTY BODY SHODDY SLOPPY SLUTTY BEST

  106. Midget52 (Deceased) says:

    @Joeman: You must have a very monotonous social life. Does a quick chat have to be about Nondrick to enrapture you?

    @Kill the Adoring Fan: Why does your name link to http://aol/ ?

  107. Korovashya says:

    This is all very interesting but I am already suffering anxiety over the lack of another nondrick update.

  108. The Green Lantern says:

    @ Kurovashya

    HEY!

    Be happy with what you have, douche. Why, I remember back in the day, when we had to wait for months. MONTHS I TELL YOU, for a Nondrick update.

    Noob.

  109. @ the Green lantern

    this is the modern age, if i dont have an update every two seconds my brain starts to diminish until there is nothing but an empty walnut shell left….. I NEED UPDATES

  110. You make me smile.

  111. @Midget52
    Because I have an AOL screen name

  112. Korovashya says:

    @The Green Lantern

    I have been reading this blog for months, and I agree with sales.

  113. Midget52 (Deceased) says:

    Kids these days. I remember, in my day, all we needed was a cinder block and a bit of an old bone. One minute we would be laying seige to a castle witha bone, next we would be setting sail for distant lands on a cinder block.

    p.s. has anyone ever seen Black Books? Funny as.

  114. Drink it of course! I don’t think stealing would be un-NPC like either, since some NPCs in the game do steal, as some can be found in dungeons, though rarely, at least in my experiences.

    Besides, when desperate people do desperate things!

  115. Korovashya says:

    @Midget52

    ???

  116. Desperate times call for desperate measures, although killing the sheep was a bit much. Drink the potion, Nonny. It’s already been stolen, don’t make your sins a waste, you mad scientist. >:O

    Also: I’m glad I checked back here. I gave up checking a few days after the new year, and just now googled it to see… Glad I did. :P

  117. Joeman (Neck Is Hurting) says:

    Yo it’s da Joe. Joe-MAN that is. heheh, what’s up with u all?

  118. Korovashya says:

    Just discussing a sheep-killing, ingredient-stealing, potion-drinking conundrum.

  119. Drink it bro, if any one is stupid enough to leave a cooked pie unattended they deserve to have it stolen. If i did that i guarantee my flatmate would eat it.

  120. Korovashya says:

    @Ronseal
    Why not bake your flatmate a pie full of super-hot chilli? Thats sure to stop his habit.

  121. I can think of worse things than chilli lol
    When is this update comin? I check this page at least three times a day ! KAMAAAAAAN

  122. vadermath (resurrected) says:

    Hm. Chris has shut down 1fort. I don’t know about you, but I loved that place, and I visited it almost every day for the past year. He has a new site up and running, FPS (First Person Shouter), and I’m sure it will be great, but the style of 1fort was a tad better in my opinion. It’s okay I guess, as long as he continues blogging. I mean, if he were to leave the Internet, the number of smart people would fall down to 80%.

  123. Joeman (Neck Is Hurting) says:

    @ ronseal
    You obviously must be new to this site. Chris updates this once in a blue moon. In the meantime, you are free to complain with the rest of us.

  124. a very bored wow player says:

    well well well… now i forgot my point :(

  125. I think that the end of 1fort is bad for Living in Oblivion.

  126. To be honest I think it’s all our complaining thats causing the updates to come more slowly. You can’t force a good thing and Chris has mentioned this a long time ago. If he feels forced he is less likely to update because he feels it’s out of Coercion.

  127. Korovashya says:

    Thats a very valid point, but if we stop reminding him of how much we need and love Nondrick, then chris might feel we don’t appreciate it.
    So, what to do?

  128. You should take your dilemma in a realistic point of view; if this disease greatly affects Nondrick, it would logically bring him to despair hence lead him to theft. Taking the potion would be a question of “survival” or more specifically greatly needed relief.
    If this isn’t the case, take it anyway since the deed is done. No thief would take the chance of return the stolen good to the scene of his crime, unless he’s greatly eaten by regret, which realistically should not be the case for a shepherd’s pie (unless the pie was the only food left in the house of a starving family). Heck, stealing a pie is the most classical display of petty theft! I can totally see Nondrick running away with his pie being chased by a lady. :D

    Anyway, the repair hammers should make up for the pie’s value, just compensate by doing some kind of good deed.

  129. Korovashya says:

    I agree, and I can’t wait to see what will happen in the next issue…

  130. Korovashya says:

    …damn, didn’t work.

  131. just a poor boy says:

    Don’t drink. You slipped, you stole, you bent the rules but you haven’t broken. Yet. I say you should hed back to your one room centrally located hovel and but that potion of distilled crime in pride of place. Right where you cannot fail to see it. It will serve as a reminder of how close you came to ending your quest in disgrace. Then leave your home, get on your horse, and find your own pie. You know that is the right thing to do. If you absolutely must cure the dog problems then go to a priest or to a shrine. I have seen NPC’s milling about the alters in town who’s to say they are not getting healing. NPC’s have also told me how glad they are to have churches/shrines nearby. I do not think they are just admiring the stonework. Theft and home-invasion robbery with violence, aka killing them and taking theit stuff, are the hallmarks of RPG gaming. You are trying something different, perhaps something better. It is a hard road Noddy walks, be strong.

  132. Midget52 (Deceased) says:

    @Korovashya: Stop whinging please. We have a full month before we start the baby killing and cyborg construction. You have that to look forward to.

  133. Can a character still catch diseases if they are a vampire? Maybe he should get bit by one of those? Plus vampire chicks are usually quite hot aren’t they ha ha

  134. The Green Lantern says:

    @ Midget52

    It’s ok, Korovashya has been reading this blog for months. MONTHS I TELL YOU!!! And he’s wearing that like a badge.

    Who’s getting the sodas???

    1, 2, 3 NOT IT!!!

  135. Midget52 (Deceased) says:

    NOT IT!

  136. I LOVE THIS BLOG

    ok random outburst for the day……….check
    Sodas…………………………………………… 123 NOT IT ;)

  137. Korovashya says:

    Just a question, how the hell is someone supposed to get sodad to people in at least 10 different countries.

  138. @ Korovashya

    dunno mate
    but i know i am definately not on that duty lol

  139. I’ll get the sodas. I just need your Social Security Numbers and bank information, or whatever equivalent to that stuff you may have. No, no. Don’t ask questions, just work with me here.

    An example of your signature couldn’t hurt either.

  140. Holy crap! I just got back from my 2 and a half weeks Hawaiian cruise to find a new Nondrick story entry. Now I’m having trouble deciding which was a happier experience…

  141. Korovashya says:

    Wow… I had the exact same expierence as Omni. No, seriously, I was waiting for Nondrick then went on a Hawaiian holiday, only to come back and see a new update… It was exactly the same thing!
    …except not a cruise…
    …and only 1 week…
    …and that was a while ago…

    But it was so close to almost being nearly exactly the same thing!

  142. The Green Lantern says:

    Ok, so if Chris got rid of 1fort, why do we even bother reading this anymore? He updated 1fort like twice in the two months we waited, ever so impatiently, for a new Nondrick.

    I dunno.

    I’m just sayin.

    I mean, if it took him 2 months to update 1fort, there would have been no 500 post comment section. His priorities need a reformatting.

  143. Joeman (Neck Is Hurting) says:

    @Green Lantern It’s not like 1fort is dead, it’s just moved to a new location. First Person Shouter is basically the same thing, just with out the Team Fortress theme.

  144. Joeman (Neck Is Hurting) says:

    and also chris said he would do a new Nondrick soon.

    and I’m not sorry for the double post, who cares any more.

  145. Fan with no life says:

    THIS UPDATE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

  146. The Green Lantern says:

    @ Joeman

    Ah, I see.

    Carry on then.

  147. Midget52 (Deceased) says:

    We are getting dangerously close to starting a forum again.

    Not that that’s a bad thing. I don’t like forums, but this i do like.

    So, actually, starting a forum would be a bad thing. LONG LIVE THE COMMENTS SECTION!

  148. Korovashya says:

    A 500 comments comments page is still a comments page, no mater how many comments.

    (tongue hurts)

  149. That was a good post. Been a long time.

  150. This sounds familiar, but… when can we expect another update?
    @Hiatus: If any of you are still interested, we could be back in action soon enough…

  151. The Green Lantern says:

    I’m always down for some Hiatus action.

  152. I’ve been a Nondrick fan since the beggining, and though I highly respect the Hiatus club, I won’t be joining.

    But, because I respect their, and the rest of the comments section’s wishes, I’ve made something everyone’s been wishing for for awhile: http://s8.invisionfree.com/Misadventure_Forums/index.php

    The Misadventure Forums. Still needs a little work(like skin) but it should serve it’s purpose.

  153. Korovashya says:

    … I like Nondrick…

  154. Midget52 (Deceased) says:

    I think those in the “Hiatus Club”, as patali put it, need to take a vote before moving to a forum. It is a big step. We need to think about this.

    So, whaddya reckon?

  155. I see Green Lantern is already there, but I will be waiting for the opinions of the rest of H before I make my decision. C’mon, Joeman, Lantern, Addicted, Washcloth, Max, Midget, say what you guys think. And I haven’t seen Washcloth and Max here for some time. Where the hell are those crazy baby-killers, I miss them a bit.

  156. Also, regardless of whether I go there or not (although I’ve registered, and I probably will be there), I wanted to thank you for doing this Patali. And for the forum to get attention, I suggest you contact Chris, he’ll probably post it on FPS, and many people will register.

  157. The Green Lantern says:

    My vote is yes. But if we do this, we have to do it right.

    I say we lure the baby killers back with a nearly due pregnant woman having quadruplets. It’ll be like Christmas in February!

  158. I was wondering, while the mass baby slaughters lasted, did they have any age norms on which babies to kill?
    I am voting yes for the forum as well, but I think we should remain active here too. If we were to leave this place entirely, it would kill the point of Hiatus.

  159. We should never stop posting in the comments section. I didn’t make the forum as a replacement

  160. MR. SUGARPUFF says:

    Really enjoy this blog.

    I feel I can connect with Nondrik…how sad am I?

    Anyway, lol, the game i uch a bastard, if it were a person I’d but it a drink!

    :D

  161. Nondrick better come back soon, or there will be hell to pay!

  162. Korovashya says:

    First off, I came into hiatus pretty late, pretty much not at all, but I read all your comments and would like to say that even though I personnaly am not invited to the forum, (mainly going off Vadermath’s list) I think it is a good idea for you to be active on the forum and in the nondrick comment section as well.

  163. Midget52 (Deceased) says:

    My main concern is that either one or the other will be left to gather dust in the corner, while we go about our merry way on the one we have chosen. Hiatus was born out of a need to sustain a hilariously uneventful saga. Having a forum at another site seems to defeat that purpose.

    But hey, i’m a merino. I’ll follow everyone else!

  164. Midget52 (Zombie Sheep) says:

    Baa

  165. No, please, I think everybody misunderstood me. This is not a Hiatus forum, it’s a Nondrick forum. All fans should go there. But It’s not yet decided if the Hiatus will go there, but it it’s by any means a private forum!

  166. Fuck, I meant to say it WASN’T a private forum, but I made a typo. So no, it isn’t a private forum XD

  167. ‘Bout time I showed up. But of course I was just too lazy to comment, I DID read this post the same day it came up. And yeah, I’m gonna join the forum too! Now I want to talk to my fellow Hiatus friends again, it’s been a while.

  168. stay hhhheeeeeeereeeeeeee

  169. @Michael: My fellow vampire, haven’t seen you in a while! Are you Quasar on the forum?
    Now only Washcloth and Max need to show up, and we can start infecting babies. And Max can eat them.

  170. The Green Lantern says:

    He’ll do it too. I’ve seen Max go through a maternity ward like it was Golden Corral.

  171. Hello again vadermath! I’ve been busy sucking blood out of syringes in two weeks, can’t find some good blood on the puny mortals anymore, what a vampire gonna do? But anyway, no, I’m not Quasar on the forum. But I’ll join right now!

  172. Then I know who Quasar might be…Quasar! Now that we’ve got the identities sorted, we can move on to filling up the forum! C’mon guys, every fan is welcome!

  173. Should we start our celebration by sucking some blood?

  174. No, we only suck and kill (that came out wrong) when there is a lack of Nondrick updates. Although, Chris is beginning to be suspicious once more, so we might be back in action soon enough…

  175. Well, then the beers are on me!

  176. The Green Lantern says:

    Who wants to be my beer pong partner?

  177. I always want to be your beer pong partner, Lantern!

  178. The Green Lantern says:

    The Official Hiatus Beer Pong Tournament

    Team 1: Michael and The Green Lantern(Lets think of an awesome team name Michael)

    Add your teams below!

  179. How about… uhm….eh.. I know! You pick our name!

  180. The Green Lantern says:

    We could be The Green Michael.

    Get it?

    Like The Green Mile?

    I suck at this.

  181. Heh, I thought of The Green Michael and The Michael Lantern too, so what should we call our team ;)?

  182. You are right, you suck at this.

  183. Please vadermath, can we suck some blood NOW?

  184. Korovashya says:

    I was thinkin… what about the yellow torch?
    It’s like, totally unexpected!

  185. The Green Lantern says:

    Hey, I thought it was funny.

    For a second.

  186. @Michael: Oh for fuck’s sake, fine! Lantern, bring forth the BABY!

  187. Korovashya says:

    Got a real funhouse down here don’t you?

  188. Midget52 (Zombie Sheep) says:

    Hey! Don’t eat all of the babies! I’m running dangerously low on infantonium. I used it all to create a life sized replica of a baby, which i then turned into less infantonium. In hind sight, it wasn’t such a hot shot plan.

  189. Relax Midget, did you think I’m stupid enough to give Michael more than 2 babies to infect? It would be like letting Max into a daycare center.

  190. Only two babies?! How am I going to survive?! Well, I guess that’s my problem.

  191. For all I know, you can go suck blood out of rabbits, as you said it’s your problem. The rest of the babies are being locked up in case of a Hiatus II, so that we can ransom them for updates.

  192. Oh, great. Rabbit blood. Well, I’m not that desperate – I’ll go have some coffee instead. But I like how you locked all the babies up. Actually now I want Hiatus II to come, so that I can suck some baby blood. And don’t worry Max, you can have the corpses!

  193. The Green Lantern says:

    Well, after the first Hiatus, I started stockpiling babies. I filled a fairly large bunker in Russia with about 20,000.

    The bidding starts at $500,000.

  194. I’ll give you… $500,001!

  195. i will give you a tenner?

  196. Hey, all you Hiatus friends! I need you to comment here, I want to ‘chat’ with ya! And that wasn’t a question, but an order!

  197. The Green Lantern says:

    What it is, Jive Turkey.

  198. Which of the Nondrick ”Episodes” are your favorite? I like “Ghosts and Doldrums” because of the skull head on the statue… Kills me every time I see it. :d

  199. Don’t keep us waiting! :(
    Mooooore!

  200. I actually laughed out loud when nondrick spent loadsa money on some new threads, and some npc strolls by with the same stuff on :)

  201. usedallhisnamesalreadypostingrequestsforthenextpostguy says:

    ok, i’m bored of all this waiting… either get back into action or tell us your giving up

  202. Hahaha, some of you people are bored for waiting for a week! Look at how long we waited for this update!

  203. Well, actually vadermath, it’s been almost a month now. Not a week. But anyways, we are used to worse. But, how much longer do we have to wait before our insane baby killing and blood sucking spree will begin? I’m running out of patience here, I need some human blood, I’ve had enough of that pesky rabbit blood!

  204. I say we wait for another week, and then we declare Hiatus II! We’ll use the forum as a base of operations!

  205. Great news! I’m looking forward to Hiatus II, and the whole Hiatus-thing is both good and bad. The bad thing is that we won’t get any new Nondrick for a while, but the good ones are that I get to suck some blood, and if I suck so much that I get caught, I have an excuse!

  206. The Green Lantern says:

    I’m not gonna lie, I kinda forgot about the original comments board once we started the forum.

  207. Korovashya says:

    What if… we give chris some babies as a bribe to finish then next update, maybye chris has become bored with our constant praise and wants something more material instead, like money, jewels, or the aforementioned babies?

    …maybye?

  208. Midget52 (Zombie Sheep) says:

    Chris doesn’t need blood as far as i know. He can only eat liquid gold. Or is that my robot?

    Seriously, can someone else take care of the cyborg? It is a really picky eater. And it hogs the remote.

  209. You said you’d feed it and take care of it, he’s you responsibility now.

  210. Oh noes! Oblivion strikes again!

    (P.S. please update soon)

  211. Guys, I started blogging a bit of Fallout 3 on the forum, come have a look…

  212. Right away, vadermath!

  213. Midget52 (Zombie Sheep) says:

    Read it. Its good. Update frequently please.

  214. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! *EXPLODES* Where is Nondrick?

  215. I don’t wanna know how it looks like when someone named Farty explodes.

  216. Me neither. Certainly not.

  217. The Green Lantern says:

    MOVING ON

    I keep getting more and more excited for the Watchmen every day.

  218. Hey, The Green Lantern, what happened to our beer pong contest? I was so excited…

  219. The Green Lantern says:

    It’s still on, we just have no competition so as reigning champs, we are taking on all comers!

  220. I’ve posted another update on my forum-blog thingy…

  221. Great! But who wants to challange the reigning champs?!
    We’re gonna make you squeal ;)

  222. You bitch, I challenge you!

  223. Great! Challange accepted! *whispers* Hey, The Green Lantern, how do you play beer pong?

  224. The Green Lantern says:

    Well first, you need a gazelle. What? You don’t have a gazelle? Well then you best be getting to Gazelle Land, a magical place where the walls are made of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

    Then, you need:
    a roll of electrical tape
    an eight ball of cocaine
    the remains of JFK (surprisingly hard to find)

    And, the final ingredient…

    You!

  225. Midget52 (Zombie Sheep) says:

    Who, me?

    I didn’t agree to this! How about branding pong?

  226. Korovashya says:

    We could play branding beer pong. We could revolutionise modern sport!
    The world competition would be called the Passing out cup.

  227. Korovashya says:

    …Last one standing wins!

    (and yes I am aware that that is not an original joke, i still think it is funny.)

  228. @ Vadermath

    send me a link bro ham, i wanna check out your blogingness

  229. Great, I got the gazelle now! Now I only need the final ingredient… I wonder where I can find ‘You!’?

  230. The Green Lantern says:

    You can find me in the club.

  231. Great! On my way! And hey, got some blood drinks? I’m thirsty!

  232. The Green Lantern says:

    All they have is baby blood straight up. Hope you can handle your blood. Because I’m not babysitting again(RIGHT VADERMATH???).

  233. After last time, you are definitely NOT babysitting. Jesus Christ, I’d rather let Max do it, at least he ends their suffering quickly. But what you do, now that’s sick.

  234. Then you gotta see what I do!

  235. Oh, shut up and drink some goat blood or something, we need the babies, if there’s not an update by monday…

  236. Sorry..

  237. …we start biting.

  238. Great!

  239. Joeman (Neck is Hurting) says:

    Yes! LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

  240. Greatness! (I love short messages!)

  241. Start rounding up the babies! This time we might even move to a higher level. Kidnapping old people!

  242. OLD PEOPLE? Sure!

  243. The Green Lantern says:

    That’s no challenge.

  244. *I’m doing this for commerical purposes* :)

  245. No challenge? You obviously haven’t confronted international secret agencies, who’s main secret operatives are old people. But if I told you that, I’d have to kill you.

  246. Good thing then that you didn’t tell me that!

  247. Yeah. Right.
    *pulls up a silenced gun from his jacket, and shoot’s Michael in the head*
    Sorry man. You’ve killed too many babies.

  248. Sorry for doublepost, but I have an idea. Remember that funny post-to-post story we did when we were in Hiatus? Maybe we could do a serious one on the forums, I’m thinking a conspiracy-secret-agent-prison-break kind of thing.

  249. *After vadermath turns his back to Michael, Michael jumps up on vadermaths head and starts to chew. Michael screams;*
    -I’M A GOD! HOW CAN YOU KILL A GOD?! (Dagot Ur rip-off)

  250. Or we could do it here.

  251. Great! But it’s kinda hard for us to do it, I’m sitting ontop of your head, and I’m on your head.

  252. Then get the fuck off my head, and make a topic about it on the forum. Again, get the fuck off my head.

  253. RAAAAARGHHH!

  254. What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you not see how I control my vampire-self?

  255. Probably not.

  256. If you go on like this, I may stop controlling my self, and give you a vampire fight you’re not likely to forget.

  257. Oh my. What about a little spar? I haven’t fought for a while!

  258. Then it’s…ON! (but lets make this one real, not for jokes, which means actual vampire rules)
    *takes out a gun with silver bullets, and shoots Mic in the leg, slowing him down*

  259. Ha ha! You forgot that my left leg is made out of raw ebony! Muhaha! *Takes out my enchanted dagger and strikes vadermath in his face*

  260. The Green Lantern says:

    I swear, I’ll kill you both with my GODDAM HELL LASERS!!!

  261. Minister Masket says:

    And so, The Green Lantern obliterated both the vampire and the chap named Michael with his goddamn hell lasers. Later that afternoon, he was arrested for an unrelated arson incident.

    Everyone lived happily ever after.
    The End!

  262. The Green Lantern says:

    I’m innocent I tell ya!

  263. Midget52 (Zombie Sheep) says:

    I just want to let you know, I released the cyborg slightly early.

    Well, I say RELEASED….. If you see a large, baby shaped kill bot with wit of steel, call me. I have a leash.

    Just warning you.

  264. Wow. Theoretically, I think there isn’t a way for you to screw this up any more.

  265. The Green Lantern says:

    Is that a challenge?

  266. Just an observation. You do realize he let a gigantic baby shaped terminator loose on the world?

  267. The Green Lantern says:

    Yeah, there’s really nothing I can do to top that…

  268. Nor can anyone else.

  269. Well, I can build a vault which we can hide in!

  270. With your skill, the best thing that could happen to us is that the vault would collapse on top of us.

  271. Hey, with my skill, the vault would just crash a bit, about… 90%! Sounds good enough?

  272. Midget52 (Zombie Sheep) says:

    I could help! Infantonium, AWAY!

  273. This is ridiculous, we don’t need a Vault, all we need is a basement.

  274. Well..WHAT?! And you tell me that NOW?!

  275. Well thats an easy problem to solve we just have to find Sarah Connor (err I mean Linda Hamilton) and get her to crawl through a giant hydrolic press while the terminator baby is watching. It will be irresitably drawn towards her and crawl onto the press… Now who can we trust to push the “on” switch on time?

  276. Well, I can’t. I’ll be busy building my vault. It should be called Vault 13(for extremely bad luck)! And I’m planning on this enchantment on the door; when you touch it, your luck stat is drained by a thousand points! Sounds good, doesn’t it?

  277. Midget52 (Zombie Sheep) says:

    Sounds awesome! We should make the hallways have arches in the shape of ladders! and the floor made of mirrors!

  278. The Green Lantern says:

    And the toilets should shoot fire!

  279. And the toilet paper should be full of itching-powder!

  280. That does sound pretty cool. The silverware should come to life and attack anything that comes close enough too. It could explain why wastelanders find utensils stuck in the animals they kill, lol.

  281. And the Handy robots should have secret programming, so if “Nondrick Frohman” is spoken, they become mindless killing machines that shoot anyone on site.

  282. Midget52 (Zombie Sheep) says:

    Which site? THIS site?. I may have to disguise myself…

  283. Midget52 (Or is it?) says:

    There! A cunning disguise, is it not?

  284. Shit, I meant sight.

  285. The Green Lantern says:

    THE Nondrick Frohman? Sausage King of Bruma?

  286. Yep. That’s the guy.

  287. I stop looking at the comments for a week or so and when I come back you guys have started a forum! But anyway, if you want to start another comment story, I think we should do it in the forums.

  288. Korovashya says:

    Sorry I have been away so slong, but I was reading the last 40 or so comments and…

    …wow…

    …Just, wow…

  289. Midget52 (Or is it?) says:

    I know. We should win a Pulitzer. Or the Nobel Peace prize! That would be awesome.

    Dibs on the cash grant!

  290. Yeah. With Max’s journal, we would win a prize for sure.

    Day 1: Ate some babies.

    Day 2: Tried to get my hands on a day-care facility, with no success.

    Day 3: Some more babies.

  291. did chris die again?

  292. UPDATE WOOOO

  293. Korovashya says:

    @Liam: I hope Chris did not die again… I’m blaming you Max!

  294. Midget52 (Or is it?) says:

    Max did nothing. Don’t you see? He earns money from each comment made on this site, so he is prolonging our torture in order to fund his new project: Alien-Pirate-Ninjas! It’s so obvious! Open your eyes, people!

  295. The Green Lantern says:

    Chris isn’t dead.

    You see…

    The other forum members and I have devised a devilishly debonair plot to destroy the world!!!

    And for this, we need (robot)Chris. Oh right…

    You didn’t know he was a robot. And now we’ve set him on a path of destruction that will leave this planet barren and devoid of life. Except for us.

    Join us, won’t you?

    Then end is near.

  296. The Green Lantern says:

    And apparently, all our base..

  297. The Green Lantern says:

    Don’t mind me…

    I’ve been drinking.

  298. …ketchup.

  299. The fallout blog that someone else started has become far superior to this in my opinion. Due to generally being funner, having a drinking game ;) and actually having a regular update schedule.
    It is currently on a hiatus, but will pick up the current schedule when the writer comes back.
    http://lets-blog-fallout3.blogspot.com/2008/12/introduction.html

  300. Hey, vadermath, The Green Lantern, washcloth, addicted and all my other crazy friends, this guy here says that some guy called Aspgren writes a better blog than Chris.
    A TRAITOR! How should we deal with him? Can we please, please, please and please again tie him to a roof and then dance around him and have a blood drinking party?
    Sounds like fun.

  301. Lockyy, I have been following this blog, and I must say it’s frequent enough. But it isn’t in any other way superior to Chris and his Nondrick. It isn’t funnier, or better. So, just go jump in a flaming pit of doom. Now.

  302. Midget52 (Or is it?) says:

    Hey… Wasn’t Aspgren one of the Hiatus crowd? Someone should check into that…

  303. Korovashya says:

    Don’t bother, alot of Hiatus crowd members have been forgotten.

  304. For a short time, before he started his own blog. Now, I have no offense for his blog, I consider it amazing, but not better then Nondrick.

  305. Yeah, I remembered the name Aspgren, but I couldn’t place it. But anyways, I like stringing people up and sucking their blood, so please, please, please could we do it anyway? (a)

  306. Holy Nondrick on stick, it’s Wednesday already! And I proposed a new Hiatus if there wasn’t an update by MONDAY! We’re behind schedule people, let the blood-sucking, grandmother-napping, and baby-eating begin! Hiatus II is here!

  307. excuse my ignorance my fellow Nondrick junkies….what is this hiatus malarky all about?

  308. @vadermath: Hooray! Finally! That means we can string up Aspgren? And you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for more babies to suck blood from! Bring fourth the babies already!

    @Ronseal: Are you serious? The holy Hiatus is about releasing a wave of destruction upon the world, just so that Chris will get our attention and then, he’ll make a new entry on the blog. Now remember this, or you will be my next victim!

  309. The Green Lantern says:

    I was told there would be pie.

  310. About that. I lied.

  311. The Green Lantern says:

    THE PIE IS A LIE!!!!

  312. OH NOES! I was soooo looking forward to that pie! I’m gonna tear you apart, vadermath, if you don’t give me my pie real fast! :@

  313. The Green Lantern says:

    It’s limerick time!

    There once was a group named Hiatus…

  314. Midget52 (Or is it?) says:

    Whos limericks didn’t rhyme.

  315. Korovashya says:

    Rhyme, Thyme, Mine, Fine.

    What are we doing?

  316. There was a group named Hiatus,
    Who fought against waiting on a blog
    As their swords were shining,
    And small baby victims whining,
    Their poetry resembled a retarded frog.

  317. Isn’t the rhyme scheme supposed to be A A B B A? So doesn’t it have to rhyme with Hiatus?

    But forget about it. Nothing rhymes with Hiatus

  318. Nah, don’t bother with the rules, I never do.

  319. Rules are made to be violated! :D

  320. My point exactly.

  321. The Green Lantern says:

    That’s what SHE said.

  322. why?
    and ive decided to join the cult of whatever you people do. sounds like fun. grandma-napping and the like. but instead of drinking the blood, we should sell it to this person i know who thinks shes a vampire. then with the money, we could buy more robots.

  323. The Green Lantern says:

    It’s baby blood, dude.

    C’mon. Get the net.

  324. You would accumulate money from poor, innocent babies who don’t understand enough to talk, let alone to know when they’re being killed or bitten? I’m in.

  325. Count with me! I like killing babies..

  326. Baby massacre and infantonium harvesting away!
    I’m assuming that we are still going to build a giant robot out of infantonium to stop the other one that Midget(or is it?) released upon the world?

  327. Midget52 (Or is it?) says:

    No! I spent so much time on my creation! Don’t go makeing a better one! All that wasted effort. Just make a ridiculously large net and throw it over Chrus. then, when I have him sedated, you can use the net for babies! Recycling!

  328. With the help of Penny Arcade, I have built a Fruit Fucker that will destroy Chrus in no time at all. I’m sorry Midget, but having a gigantic baby-killing robot with our names written on it (I engraved them) would be just a little too conspicuous.

  329. If we go on another rampage, we’ll have to lock Joeman up. You know what happens when he gets excited.
    My head still hurts.

  330. Midget52 (Or is it?) says:

    Hey, don’t worry. You’ll bounce back. Look at me! I used to be a Zombie Sheep. Now i’m mysterious….

  331. Look! I’m more mysterious than Midget52!

  332. Addicted (wearing a black coat and cape and wearing dark glasses and holding a briefcase) says:

    Now I’m more mysterious then ALL OF YOU! MWAHAHAHA!!!

  333. !?questioner?! says:

    +are we even talking about nondrick anymore..?

    +when is next post?

    +Why is nondric becoming so non-non-adventurous? Searching ruins caves, tombs, and abandoned buildings. Plus hes been doing alot more fighting even if it is self defence. He can still run.

  334. Midget52 (Or is it?) says:

    We never actually talk about Nondrick after the first hundred posts. It bogs down the conversation, and takes time away from cyborg-catching and what-not.

  335. @questioner: ‘when is next post?’-really? have we forsaken the englisj language so soon? should’nt we try to seperate ourselves from the rest of the internet and speak english like these fine people are already doing?

  336. Korovashya says:

    Forsooth! I most heartily agree with you friend! Now that that has been most efficiently settled let us all strap on boots and play polo.

    (Just in case you couldn’t figure that out, that was supposed to be said in an english accent, Cheerio!)

  337. Where the fuck are Max and Washcloth?

  338. I’ve been wondering that too! Where the heck are they? Have they even commented on this update? Not Max, but I’m not sure about Washcloth.

  339. Maybe they got a…no! That’s just bad enough to think, let alone say it! Fuck maybe they got a…LIFE! I think I’m about to cry.

  340. Hey, you’ve read far too many bed time stories, vadermath! Everyone knows that real life is a myth!

  341. The Green Lantern says:

    No it’s not, Michael. I had a friend who got a life once.

    I never saw him again.

  342. That’s just terrible. The unholy myth about real life is actually true? Holy balls. I’m gonna hide!

  343. There’s a…real life?! No. No. SHUT YOUR FILTHY MOUTH! Just say it’s not true! Please.

  344. It’s not true. [Lie]
    It’s true!

    Which one should i choose?

  345. The Green Lantern says:

    How high is your speech?

  346. Korovashya says:

    Iv’e got 83 speech skill!
    But that is rather boring so I just pull out my Wazer Wifle (compliments to Biwwy) and blow their head off.

  347. oh noes

  348. Midget52 (Or is it?) says:

    Real life is a figment of your imagination.

    Cue universe implosion…. Now.

  349. I desperatly NEED an update!

  350. The one who has lost hope and found it or something like that ... (shady figure!) says:

    I have givin up on this Blog. Instead i have hope for the Hiatus! Bring out the torches and swords!!! (anybody knows bout any other nice blogs like that one bout fallout 3 that i can spend thime with while this one is trying to find back its life?)

  351. Mah boi, this peace is what all true warriors strive for.

  352. King of Ochtford! (Still that shady figure!) says:

    Peace! peace! what is this Garbage filling the air out of yer mouth!?! now Draw yer sword I say! And Spit on our foul fiend who dares not to update! I say nondrick has another Non Adventure or We Spar….Hiatusans! shall Rise! Cause this… IS …. Hiatus!!!!

  353. King of Ochtford! (Still that shady figure!) says:

    Peace! peace! what is this Garbage filling the air out of yer mouth!?! now Draw yer sword I say! And Spit on our foul fiend who dares not to update! I say nondrick has another Non Adventure or We Spar….Hiatusans! shall Rise! Cause this… IS …. Hiatus!!!!

  354. Mah boi, this spar is what all true warriors strive for.

  355. King of Ochtford! (Still that shady figure!) says:

    … Fine i give up! Ill sit and wait ! now where are my reading glasses! Someone seen reading glasses! i think the goat chanting baby stole it…

  356. King of Ochtford! (Still that shady figure!) says:

    … Fine i give up! Ill sit and wait ! now where are my reading glasses! Someone seen reading glasses! i think the goat chanting baby stole it…

  357. The baby shall be caught, then baked in a special baby-baking oven, and then additionally boiled in a gigantic soup, which will also contain chicken meat. Hence, some of us will eat your reading glasses, eventually shitting them out of our assholes. And then you put them on your face.

  358. The Green Lantern says:

    NO SUCH THING SHALL HAPPEN TO ME, GOOD SIR!!!

    Now draw your gun.

    For we shall duel.

  359. Addicted The Mysterious says:

    Pistols at dawn!

  360. Midget52 (Or is it?) says:

    Dwan is for riding off into. Like in those western movies. (or is it sunset?)

  361. Korovashya says:

    It is the sunset, besides, I prefer a sword fight, they go for longer and are more dramatic.

  362. Addicted The Mysterious says:

    What we need are Lightsabers!

  363. Mah boi, this Lightsaber is what all true warriors strive for.

  364. First blog I read after wakeup from sleep today!

    —————————-
    Are you tension? panic?

  365. Tharron (the guy whos High on steroids...I mean joy :P) says:

    Ah yes yes! My reading glases shall be found! Joy over powers me!

    Now A sword fight is more to my liking! Its more dramatic and more pain and bloodshed! Now if ye trow baby’s at each other while sword fighting while someone tries to shoot them out of the air… That would be great fun! Its like a Baby Fudge Sunday!

  366. Mah boi, this Baby Fudge Sunday is what all true warriors strive for.

  367. Tharron (the guy whos High on steroids...I mean joy :P) says:

    smacks Michael over the head with a Hot Baby fudge sunday. enough with the warrior Crap! *slap slap slap*

  368. Spaceboy says:

    Long time reader, especially of the comments..

    Seriously guys, mountain dew is just as tasty as baby blood!

    Honest!

    So just hand all of those babies over to me and be gone with ya…

  369. NEVER! I like this thread better than hiatus, im protecting it! I want the babies too! and about real life, it is real! I have tasted it, and it is sweet. You have but to go out and get it…

  370. Midget52 (Slightly annoyed that people everyone has taken his idea of putting their current status in brackets next to their name) says:

    What does it taste like?

  371. Korovashya says:

    STOP! Heretics! Do not listen to thy unholy one, he tempts you with the sinful temptations of a career and a serious relationship. Turn thy back to the false preacher of real life! So sayeth the the lord sithis, the tribunal gods, the deadric gods, and the nine!

    P.S:(whispering) Psst, Liam, where do I sign up?

  372. Korovashya (not caring about the double entry) says:

    @ Midget52 (Slightly annoyed that people everyone has taken his idea of putting their current status in brackets next to their name)

    This is my name: Korovashya

  373. The Green Lantern says:

    I’m starting to think that Hiatus is the only reason a lot of people continue to view this blog.

  374. michealcera says:

    IM A DOUCHE

  375. Sorry for being away, I got into L4D online. Now I’m Addicted (no offense, Addicted) to it. Anyway, michealcera, I am sure that one day, no matter when, or how, that information will be valuable to us.

    @Lantern: We must contact Chris. Frankly, I don’t think he’s really into Oblivion and Nondrick anymore. But no matter what, we will always have Hiatus!

  376. The Green Lantern says:

    I’m going to have to agree with you there michaelcera.

    So guys, here’s the deal.

    I’ve been sitting in this hatch on this island for three years. 4 8 15 16 23 42 And every 108 minutes, I have to push this button. 4 8 15 16 23 42 I have no idea what it does. Actually, I’m not even supposed to use this computer for anything else but entering the numbers. So, I guess what I’m getting at is this…

    Does anyone out there think they could possibly take over for me? I’ve been here so long. 4 8 15 16 23 42 Please?!?!?! There is plenty of food and water. I mean, come on, you would have the trip of your life! This island is beautiful. Just don’t mind the people that try to get into the hatch.

    4 8 15 16 23 42

  377. Tharron (doesnt care bout the people who find this annoying :P) says:

    Ay Green lantern Tell me more bout tihs mysterious island! it seems fun! Button pressing is my profession i graduated after a 49 year course of button pressing and now a professional button presser !

    Now who wants its buttons pressed!?!

  378. I want you to press my belly-button. Please?

  379. Tharron (doesnt care bout the people who find this annoying :P) says:

    Presses with tremendous force. Hmmm I dont know what this pointy thing is at the back of your… back but you should let a doctor take a look at it…

  380. alguma gatinha quer tc? rsrs

  381. Real life tastes like sex, awesomeness, and music. And awesome! We have a diverse community now thanks to pedro!

  382. Korovashya says:

    Danke, meine freunde

  383. Midget52 (Is going to get rid of the brackets next to his name in all subsequent posts) says:

    Are we trying to create a diverse linguistic community? Awesome!

    I mean, Bagus Sekali! Terima Kasih, Korovashya. Kamu orang gila.

  384. Oh no! I hate when people speak their native language in communities. Whenever I see it, I want to strangle the person who wrote in his native language. Or should I say; Jag hatar nr folk skriver med sitt eget sprk i internationella internet grupper! Det suger! ? Oh no! I did it myself!

  385. Ja stvarno mislim da su ljudi koji koriste sopstveni jezik idioti, so I agree with you.

  386. The Green Lantern says:

    You guys know I don’t speak Spanish!

  387. And neither do I.

  388. Let’s all be sensible then. Back to the English language!

  389. Good

  390. Korovashya says:

    English English? English American? English Australian?
    Come on, help me out here.

    P.S: If any of you start speaking welsh, i will personaly kidnap your baby, mine it for infantonium to give to Midget52, and then let max eat it.

  391. Midget52 (Is going to get rid of the brackets next to his name in all subsequent posts) says:

    Just to let you know, Bahasa Indonesia isn’t my native language. Bahasa Inggris is.

    Empat tahun in the country helps, though.

    @Korovashya: Gobeithia dyma yn blino.

  392. Midget52 says:

    Damn it! Forgot to get rid of the brackets!

    There. It’s done.

  393. Korovashya says:

    Finnaly! On behalf of all of us proud people at hiatus club (of which i have not been invited into) I say Thankyou Midget 52!

    (In case you have not yet figured it out, I do not care at all, and am being completely and totally sarcastic.)

  394. Korovashya says:

    @Midget52: forgot to ask but…

    …plz to do with the translating plz.

  395. The Green Lantern says:

    Your tears are salty and delicious, Koro.

  396. With my judo-grip on the English language, I have managed to create a new word for this: mega-awkward.

  397. The Green Lantern says:

    Why is that word always attached to me?

  398. I think that deep down, you know the answer to that yourself.

  399. Sounds creepy to me.

  400. Midget52 says:

    @vadermath: Seriously, a whole regiment of Law Ninjas. Straight towards you.

    @Korovashya: Roughly, it means “I hope this is annoying”. Also, it is welsh. Just in case you didn’t know.

  401. Law Ninjas?! I really must run like hell! Oh wait, no I don’t! I have my own Justice Pirates party, we shall see who lives to tell the tale!

  402. The Green Lantern says:

    My Zombies of Truth will destroy both your armies.

  403. The Green Lantern says:

    Led by Zombie Stephen Colbert.

  404. Your zombie army will only survive until my Ravens of Rage come and peck out your eyes. Then you and your zombies will be sorry! *Demonic laughter*

  405. The Green Lantern says:

    My zombies are equipped with t-16′s and are capable of bullseyeing womp rats.

    Whats up now?

  406. RETREAT!!

  407. Now, Pirates! Attack the left zombie flank! ARRRRRRRRRR, MATEY!

  408. Midget52 says:

    “Quoth the raven :’Nevermore!’”

    Seriously though, you can’t defend against Ninjas. They’re too stealthy. Look behind you! Did you see the ninja? No? That’s how stealthy they are.

  409. The Green Lantern says:

    So, I have a feeling the forum is going to get some traffic when we run out of comments here.

  410. The Green Lantern says:

    And also, Watchmen kicks assorted ass.

  411. Korovashya says:

    I beat you all… CHUCK NORRIS!!!

  412. @Midget52: Maybe, but the pirates are drunk and great in number. Their guns and swords can beat your Ninjas any day of Christmas.

  413. Midget52 says:

    How can you beat what you can’t see? They are so stealthy, they can kill five times before you even notice you’re dead!

    THAT is what you call stealth. Plus, they are lawyers. That just enhances the skullduggery and subterfuge.

  414. Midget52 says:

    P.S. Next post Chris makes on FPS, spam. I call upon the warriors of nonadventure! Unite and bring forth a wave of destruction and woe rivaling (but not surpassing) that of the Law Ninja!

  415. I’ll fight you bitches with my Kittens of Justice! No one, not even a ninja, could ever bring themselves to kill a kitten. Not even while they tear off your face with tiny little fluffy paws.

  416. You didn’t count with me not having a conscience?! MUHAHA! Did I mention that in this form my fighting power is over a million?

    ONE MILLION?!?

    Heh, that one never gets old.

    Anyways, in this form I can kill anything, even kittens with fluffy paws!

  417. The Green Lantern says:

    2 forms??

    That’s all?

    Freeza, you are not!

  418. Korovashya says:

    did you not hear me… Chuck Norris!

    His roundhouse kick can knock your kittens, pirates and ninjas to the sun and back.

  419. Midget52 says:

    Please ignore my call to arms (ie, the last post i made). I was drunk. And asleep. And held hostage. At gunpoint. By ninjas!

  420. Korovashya says:

    Midget52, didn’t I already tell you to stay away from the terrorist ninja bar at 3 in the morning?

  421. The Green Lantern says:

    That’s the only place he can get a strong Rusty Nail that early!

  422. He should stay away from that place. It’s full of vampire hunters, I shit you not!

  423. Oh noes! Vampire hunters? Maybe that’s why my teeth hurt yesterday…

  424. Midget52 says:

    You should see a dentist.

    Or stop brushing your teeth with holy water.

  425. Korovashya says:

    Yeah, that holy water stuff smarts. Some guy once switched my drink with holy water… I was coughing up blood for a week.

  426. BRUSH my teeth? Oh my…

  427. I’m starting to wonder if maybe chris is waiting till we get to 500 comments again to make another post.

  428. LucasSimms says:

    Time for 500 comments again…

  429. Number 429! w00t! 429 iz 4 l337 hacksaws!

    Oh, also, i’ve decided i’m going to be the forum flagship. It’s in my name. Come one, come all!

  430. Korovashya says:

    Aye Aye Captain!
    …You know… cos, your the falagship? eh…

  431. Very punny.

    *Hits himself on the head with a large mallet in punishment*

  432. vadermath says:

    Godfuckingshitdammit, I just realized that, when I commented here, I put dude.com as my website for a joke, but now that I went there, it’s a bloody gay/lesbian search engine! That’s why I’m removing the shit from my name.

  433. This blog is dead =( Chris doesn’t care about it

  434. The Green Lantern says:

    I agree, Poop.

  435. Yarr, weaklings! If he hasn’t updated in 1st of April, he has left this blog to die. But hey, that’s like 2 years from here! :D

  436. vadermath says:

    I think this place is pretty much left for dead. The question is, what do we do now?

  437. I agree. Updates from Chris are sparse of late even on his new blog. I’m beginning to think that at least subconsciously he really doesnt want to do this anymore or at least a lot less.

  438. The Green Lantern says:

    I tell you what we do, vadermath…

    We whore out the forum!

    http://z8.invisionfree.com/Misadventure_Forums/index.php?s=8220d7a2587f59ee01909d78eba7510d&act=idx

    Please join us.

    Why bother keeping this site busy? All it has given us, as of late, is a sense of abandonment.

  439. Just keep checking. Don’t get your hopes up, though. Just stay faithful. Unless, you know, you get one of those “life” things we discussed at least fifty or so comments ago.

  440. im going to just hang around here for a while, wait till things blow over back at fps.

  441. can someone carry a message to mr.brit for me? say there is a speedrun, but its a joke. there is no exploit.

  442. i just carried your message and i expect payment

  443. damn that was quick. also you should have asked for payment beforehand

  444. cruses! foiled again!

  445. curses*

  446. Please don’t waste valuable comment space with petty foibles such as spelling corrections! We have barely any space left! Savour the sweet sight, for it will soon be gone. In fact, i now vow to make all of my posts at least a paragraph or so long. Much like this one. And, i am going to see how much space one comment can fill up. Please disregard the following:

    (courtesy of wikipedia)

    Megatokyo began publication as a joint project between Fred Gallagher and Rodney Caston, Internet acquaintances and, later, business partners. According to Gallagher, the comic’s first two strips were drawn in reaction to Caston being “convinced that he and I could do [a webcomic] … [and] bothering me incessantly about it”, without any planning or pre-determined storyline.[10] The comic’s title was derived from an Internet domain owned by Caston, which had hosted a short-lived gaming news site maintained by Caston before the comic’s creation.[11] With Caston co-writing the comic’s scripts and Gallagher supplying its artwork,[1] the comic’s popularity quickly increased,[12] eventually reaching levels comparable to those of such popular webcomics as Penny Arcade and PvP.[3] According to Gallagher, Megatokyo’s popularity was not intended, as the project was originally an experiment to help him improve his writing and illustrating skills for his future project, Warmth.[13]

    In May 2002, Caston sold his ownership of the title to Gallagher, who has managed the comic on his own since then. In October of the same year, after Gallagher was laid off from his day job as an architect, he took up producing the comic as a full time profession.[14] Caston’s departure from Megatokyo was not fully explained at the time. Initially, Gallagher and Caston only briefly mentioned the split, with Gallagher publicly announcing Caston’s departure on June 17, 2002.[2] On January 15, 2005, Gallagher explained his view of the reasoning behind the split in response to a comment made by Scott Kurtz of PvP, in which he suggested that Gallagher had stolen ownership of Megatokyo from Caston. Calling Kurtz’s claim “mean spirited”, Gallagher responded:[6]

    “While things were good at first, over time we found that we were not working well together creatively. There is no fault in this, it happens. I’ve never blamed Rodney for this creative ‘falling out’ nor do I blame myself. Not all creative relationships click, ours didn’t in the long run.”

    Four days later, Caston posted his view of the development on his website:[5]

    “After this he approached me and said either I would sell him my ownership of MegaTokyo or he would simply stop doing it entirely, and we’d divide up the company’s assets and end it all. This was right before the MT was to go into print form, and I really wanted to see it make it into print, rather [than] die on the vine.”

    Production
    Megatokyo is usually hand-drawn in pencil by Fred Gallagher, without any digital or physical “inking”. Inking was originally planned, but dropped as Gallagher decided it was unfeasible.[15] Megatokyo’s first strips were created by roughly sketching on large sheets of paper, followed by tracing, scanning, digital clean-up of the traced comics with Adobe Photoshop, and final touches in Adobe Illustrator to achieve a finished product.[16] Gallagher has stated that tracing was necessary because his sketches were not neat enough to use before tracing.[17] Because of the tracing necessary, these comics regularly took six to eight hours to complete.[17] As the comic progressed, Gallagher became able to draw “cleaner” comics without rough lines and tracing lines, and was able to abandon the tracing step.[18] Gallagher believes “that this eventually led to better looking and more expressive comics”.[18]

    Megatokyo’s early strips were laid out in four square panels per strip, in a two-by-two square array a formatting choice made as a compromise between the horizontal layout of American comic strips and the vertical layout of Japanese comic strips.[19] The limitations of this format became apparent during the first year of Megatokyo’s publication, and in the spring of 2001, the comic switched to a manga-style, free-form panel layout. This format allowed for both large, detailed drawings and small, abstract progressions, as based on the needs of the script.[20] Gallagher has commented that his drawing speed had increased since the comic’s beginning, and with four panel comics taking much less time to produce, it “made sense in some sort of twisted, masochistic way, that [he] could use that extra time to draw more for each comic”.[21]

    Megatokyo’s earliest strips were drawn entirely on single sheets of paper.[22] Following these, Gallagher began drawing the comic’s panels separately and assembling them in Adobe Illustrator, allowing him to draw more detailed frames.[22] This changed during Megatokyo’s eighth chapter, with Gallagher returning to drawing entire comics on single sheets of paper.[22] Gallagher has stated that this change allows for more differentiated layouts,[23] in addition to allowing him a better sense of momentum during comic creation.[22]

    The strip is currently drawn digitally as of strip number 1084.

    Gallagher occasionally has guest artists participate in the production of the comic, including Mohammad F. Haque of Applegeeks.[24]

    Funding
    Megatokyo has had several sources of funding during its production. In its early years, it was largely funded by Gallagher and Caston’s full time jobs, with the additional support of banner advertisements. A store connected to ThinkGeek was launched during October 2000 in order to sell Megatokyo merchandise, and, in turn, help fund the comic.[25] On August 1, 2004,[26] this store was replaced by “Megagear”, an independent online store created by Fred Gallagher and his wife, Sarah, to be used solely by Megatokyo, although it now also offers Applegeeks and Angerdog merchandise.

    Gallagher has emphasized that Megatokyo will continue to remain on the Internet free of charge, and that releasing it in book form is simply another way for the comic to reach readers,[27] as opposed to replacing its webcomic counterpart entirely.[28] Additionally, he has stated that he is against micropayments, as he believes that word of mouth and public attention are powerful property builders, and that a “pay-per-click” system would only dampen their effectiveness. He has claimed that such systems are a superior option to direct monetary compensation, and that human nature is opposed to micropayments.[28]

  447. vadermath says:

    Wikipedia, I presume? Anyway, here’s a short biography of my favorite historical character.

    Anakin Skywalker (nicknamed Ani by his loved ones) was a legendary Human Jedi Knight who served the Galactic Republic in its final years, and later became the Sith Lord Darth Vader. He was the son of Shmi Skywalker. Later in his life, he became the secret husband of Senator Padm Amidala of Naboo, and the father of the legendary Jedi Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa Solo. He was also the grandfather of Ben Skywalker, and Jaina, Jacen, and Anakin Solo. He was the great-grandfather of Allana, and an ancestor of Nat, Kol, and Cade Skywalker.

    Although he would later become one of the most important people in the galaxy, Skywalker came from humble origins. He spent the first years of his life on Tatooine as a slave along with his mother. In 32 BBY, Skywalker met Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn. After obtaining his freedom, Jinn took Skywalker and departed from Tatooine, though they had to leave Shmi Skywalker behind, something her son always resented. Skywalker took part in the Battle of Naboo, destroying the Droid Control Station despite his young age. Soon after, he joined the Jedi Order, becoming a Padawan to Obi-Wan Kenobi. Skywalker was believed to be the Chosen One of Jedi prophecy, one who would bring balance to The Force by destroying the Sith, which was why the Jedi Council chose to bend the Jedi Code and permit his training.

    In 22 BBY, Skywalker was reunited with Padm Amidala, the former queen of Naboo and new Senator of the Chommell Sector. They fell in love and married soon after the Battle of Geonosis, despite the Jedi Order’s restrictions of Jedi, which kept them from making their marriage public. In the midst of these events, Skywalker also endured the violent death of his mother.

    Skywalker fought in the Clone Wars with his master and became a Jedi Knight in 20 BBY, taking Ahsoka Tano as his own apprentice. Throughout the conflict, Skywalker became an icon to the public, known as the “Hero With No Fear”. Despite this, he carried with him a great sense of loss in addition to great anger. His inability to control these traits led to his downfall when, in 19 BBY, he turned to the dark side. Apprenticing to Darth Sidious, better known as his friend Chancellor Palpatine, he became Darth Vader. The Galactic Empire was founded, with Palpatine at the helm as Emperor. The Jedi were exterminated by Order 66, with fewer than a hundred surviving. Two who did live were Grand Master Yoda and Skywalkers old master, Obi-Wan Kenobi. His children, Luke and Leia, were born at this time, though Vader remained unaware of their existence.

    As a master of the dark side, Vader became the scourge of the Jedi, continuing the Great Jedi Purge which would last until 1 BBY. An extension of the Emperors will, the Dark Lord was constantly on the move, traveling throughout the galaxy to defeat rebel uprisings or arrest corrupt Imperials. In 0 BBY the Empires great superweapon, the first Death Star was destroyed by a young Rebel pilot. Vader became obsessed with discovering the identity of this pilot, and spent the next several years searching. Vader eventually learned that the pilots name was Luke Skywalker, and he deduced that the boy was his son, born before the death of Amidala. Vader fought the Rebel Alliance while concocting a plan to turn his son to the dark side.

    Palpatine, however, was aware of his plans, and initiated his own plot to make Skywalker his apprentice. In 4 ABY the two sides came together at Endor for one great battle to decide the fate of the galaxy. Skywalker surrendered to the Emperor, and in the throne room of the second Death Star, Palpatine attempted to turn the young Jedi to the dark side by having him duel Vader. Skywalker defeated Vader, but refused to give himself to the darkness, proclaiming himself a Jedi, like his father before him. When Palpatine attempted to kill Luke using Force lightning, Anakin Skywalker emerged from Darth Vader and came to his sons rescue, saving him and killing Palpatine by throwing him down the main reactor core. Mortally wounded by the Force lightning, he died soon after but he died as a Jedi once more, having redeemed himself by saving his son and fulfilling his destiny by destroying the Sith.

  448. I agree with you, vadermath! We have to stand together in these dark times and save the comment space! We have only 52 comments left! By Nerevar! That’s like nothing!
    Well anyways, I’ve got two new rules for this comment saving period:

    1. Your comment must be at least 500 characters long. Or else you will die.
    2. Only post comments that relates to this blog.

    Thanks for upholding the Golden Laws of Legend, and have a good day! PS. Stay faithful! DS.

  449. The Green Lantern says:

    Sebastiaan “Bas” Rutten (born February 24, 1965) is a retired Dutch mixed martial artist (MMA) and kickboxer. He was the UFC Heavyweight Champion, a three time King of Pancrase, and finished his career on a 22 fight unbeaten streak (21 wins, 1 draw). One of his favorite tactics was the liver shot, and he popularized its use in MMA.[1]

    Rutten is known for his charisma and has capitalized on his celebrity since retiring from fighting in 1999. He has worked as a color commentator in several MMA organizations, including PRIDE, and has appeared in numerous television shows, movies, and video games. He also coaches MMA and has authored several instructional materials.
    Rutten was born in Tilburg, Netherlands and became interested in martial arts at the age of 11 after watching Enter the Dragon.[2] His conservative parents didn’t allow him to pursue it at first, but he eventually started to train in Tae Kwon Do. He was very committed and eventually earned a 2nd degree Black Belt. He then began learning Kyokushin Karate, and earned a 5th degree Black Belt.

    In high school, he was not big and strong and had a skin condition on his hands for which he was bullied occasionally. But years later he attended his high school reunion as a decorated fighter and issue a friendly challenge to fight his former tormentors, which they declined.
    Bas then began his professional MMA career with the Pancrase organization in Japan. In 1993, Japanese pro wrestlers Masakatsu Funaki and Minoru Suzuki traveled to Holland to scout fighters for their new “hybrid wrestling” (Bushido wrestling) organization, featuring submission fighting, but with no closed fisted strikes to the face. A precursor to what would become modern mixed martial arts, the organization was the first of its kind, and featured such early MMA names as Frank Shamrock, Vernon White, Maurice Smith, Ken Shamrock, and Guy Mezger.

    His lack (at that time) of ground-fighting experience led to early defeats at the hands of Masakatsu Funaki and the then “King of Pancrase” Ken Shamrock, and more controversially losing to Frank Shamrock by way of a split judge’s decision, Rutten would come back in 1995 and be dealt another loss from Ken Shamrock, but would go on to beat the previously undefeated Minoru Suzuki and win his first “King of Pancrase” title. Avenging his losses to both Frank Shamrock and Masakatsu Funaki in 1996, he went on to defeat both Jason Delucia and Guy Mezger and in so doing became a three time “King of Pancrase.” In 1996, he relinquished his title, in order to be present for the birth of his second daughter.[2] Bas returned to Pancrase, taking 8 more victories, bringing his winning streak up to 19 straight fights.

  450. The Green Lantern says:

    In 1998, Rutten signed with the UFC, the biggest MMA promotion in the United States. His first fight in the UFC was against Tsuyoshi Kohsaka at UFC 18, which Rutten won by KO. Next he faced Kevin Randleman for the UFC Heavyweight Championship at UFC 20. This fight went into overtime, with Rutten taking a close decision victory to become the UFC Heavyweight Champion. Bas vacated the title later in the year, in order to drop down to middleweight (his natural weight class), and try to become the first person to hold a UFC title in two weight classes.[2]

    While training for his next UFC fight in 1999, Rutten suffered multiple serious injuries, including blowing out his knee (a long running injury), and tearing his biceps. He was forced to retire from MMA competition for the time being, by doctors orders.[2]

    During his MMA career he became known for two particular things: his fondness of liver shots and his habit of doing a “Rutten Jump” (jumping split) after winning a fight.
    After his retirement from fighting in 1999, Rutten focused on becoming an actor, getting small parts on TV shows such as Martial Law, 18 Wheels of Justice, The King of Queens, and the Canadian series Freedom, as well as appearing in low budget movies such as Shadow Fury, The Eliminator, and the comedy short The Kingdom of Ultimate Power which was featured in the 2005 L.A. Film Festival. It also won the first prize at the short film festival in NY for “best comedy”.
    The Eliminator, 2004

    Bas Rutten wrestled a few times for NJPW from 2000 to 2002, including an IWGP title shot against Yuji Nagata, which he lost.

    Rutten was also the color commentator for the English productions of PRIDE Fighting Championships events, calling nearly every event from PRIDE 1 through the 2005 Grand Prix. Known for his sense of humor and first hand knowledge of the sport, Rutten quickly became a fan favorite commentator. In April 2006 he announced that he would not continue to announce for PRIDE, due to the constant flying to Japan, and being away from his family every month.[4]

    Rutten has a cameo in the video game “Grand Theft Auto IV” on the in-game TV show called “The Men’s Room.”[5] He also did motion capture for the main character’s fighting moves. He said that when he arrived at the motion-capture place in New York he asked the people in charge how violent they wanted to have it and they told him to “give it all he got”. After two hours they stopped him and said, “It’s OK, you don’t have to go any further”.[6]

    He was also featured in WCW vs. the World for the Playstation, but was named “Thunder Dome” to avoid copyright laws.

    On January 23rd 2008 he was announced as the new Vice President, Fighter Operations reporting directly to IFL CEO Jay Larkin. His role was to build relations between the IFL and its fighters as well as work on potential match-ups between fighters. He also hosted the weekly shows “Battleground” and “International Fight League” with Kenny Rice. This all ended when IFL went out of business in late 2008.

    Currently, he and Rice host Inside MMA, a weekly MMA variety show on HDNet.

  451. Heh, ‘Rutten’ means rotten in Swedish :D Well anyways, to meet the goals of my new Golden Laws of Legend (GLL);

    The Last Scabbard of Akrash

    by Tabar Vunqidh
    For several warm summer days in the year 3E 407, a young, pretty Dunmer woman in a veil regularly visited one of the master armorers in the city of Tear. The locals decided that she was young and pretty by her figure and her poise, though no one ever saw her face. She and the armorer would retire to the back of his shop, and he would close down his business and dismiss his apprentices for a few hours. Then, at mid-afternoon, she would leave, only to return at precisely the same time the next day. As gossip goes, it was fairly meager stuff, though what the old man was doing with such a well dressed and attractively proportioned woman was the source of several crude jokes. After several weeks, the visits stopped, and life returned to normal in the slums of Tear.

    It was not until a month or two after the visits had stopped, that in one of the many taverns in the neighborhood, a young local tailor, having imbibed too much sauce, asked the armorer, So whatever happened to your lady friend? You break her heart?

    The armorer, well aware of the rumors, simply replied, She is a proper young lady of quality. There was nothing between her and the likes of me.

    What was she doing at your shop every day for? asked the tavern wench, who had been dying to get the subject open.

    If you must know, said the armorer. I was teaching her the craft.

    You’re putting us on, laughed the tailor.

    No, the young lady had a particular fascination with my particular kind of artistry, the armorer said, with a hint of pride before getting lost in the reverie. I taught her how to mend swords specifically, from all kinds of nicks and breaks, hairline fissures, cracked pommels, quillons, and grips. When she first started, she had no idea how to secure the grips to the tang of the blade… Well, of course she was green to start off with, why wouldn’t she be? But she weren’t afraid to get her hands dirty. I taught her how to patch the little inlaid silver and gold filigree you find on really fine blades, and how to polish it all to a mirror sheen so the sword looks like the gods just pulled it from their celestial anvil.

    The tavern wench and the tailor laughed out loud. No matter what he alleged, the armorer was speaking of the young lady’s training as another man speaks of a long lost love.

    More of the locals in the tavern would have listened to the armorer’s pathetic tale, but more important gossip had taken precedence. There was another murdered slave-trader found in the center of town, gutted from fore to aft. That made six of them total in barely a fortnight. Some called the killer The Liberator, but that sort of anti-slavery zeal was rare among the common folk. They preferred calling him The Lopper, as several of the earlier victims had been completely beheaded. Others had been simply perforated, sliced, or gutted, but The Lopper still kept his original sobriquet.

    While the enthusiastic hooligans made bets about the condition of the next slave-trader’s corpse, several dozen of the surviving members of that trade were meeting at the manor house of Serjo Dres Minegaur. Minegaur was a minor houseman of House Dres, but a major member of the slave-trading fraternity. Perhaps his best years were behind him, but his associates still counted on him for wisdom.

    We need to take what we know of this Lopper and search accordingly, said Minegaur, seated in front of his opulent hearth. We know he has an unreasonable hatred of slavery and slave-traders. We know he is skilled with a blade. We know he has the stealth and finesse to execute our most well-secured brethren in their most secure abodes. It sounds to me to be an adventurer, an Outlander. Surely no citizen of Morrowind would strike at us like this.

    The slave-traders nodded in agreement. An Outlander seemed most likely for their troubles. It was always true.

    Were I fifty years younger, I would take down my blade Akrash from the hearth, Minegaur made an expansive gesture to the shimmering weapon. And join you in seeking out this terror. Search him out where adventurers meet — taverns and guildhalls. Then show him a little lopping of my own.

    The slave-traders laughed politely.

    You wouldn’t let us borrow your blade for the execution, I suppose, would you, Serjo? asked Soron Jeles, a young toadying slaver enthusiastically.

    It would be an excellent use for Akrash, sighed Minegaur. But I vowed to retire her when I retired.

    Minegaur called for his daughter Peliah to bring the slavers more flin, but they waved the girl away. It was to be a night for hunting the Lopper, not drinking away their troubles. Minegaur heartily approved of their devotion, particular as expensive as the liquor was getting to be.

    When the last of the slavers had left, the old man kissed his daughter on the head, took one last admiring look at Akrash, and toddled off to his bed. No sooner had he done so then Peliah had the blade off the mantle, and was flying with it across the field behind the manor house. She knew Kazagh had been waiting for her for hours in the stables.

    He sprung out at her from the shadows, and wrapping his strong, furry arms around her, kissed her long and sweet. Holding him as long as she dared to, she finally broke away and handed him the blade. He tested its edge.

    The finest Khajiiti swordsmith couldn’t hone an edge this keen, he said, looking at his beloved with pride. And I know I nicked it up good last night.

    That you did, said Peliah. You must have cut through an iron cuirass.

    The slavers are taking precautions now, he replied. What did they say during their meeting?

    They think it’s an Outlander adventurer, she laughed. It didn’t occur to any of them that a Khajiiti slave would possess the skill to commit all these ‘loppings.’

    And your father doesn’t suspect that it’s his dear Akrash that is striking into the heart of oppression?

    Why would he, when every day he finds it fresh as the day before? Now I must go before anyone notices I’m gone. My nurse sometimes comes in to ask me some detail about the wedding, as if I had any choice in the matter at all.

    I promise you, said Kazagh very seriously. You will not be forced into any marriage to cement your family’s slave-dealing dynasty. The last scabbard Akrash will be sheathed into will be your father’s heart. And when you are an orphan, you can free the slaves, move to a more enlightened province, and marry who you like.

    I wonder who that will be, Peliah teased, and raced out of the stables.

    Just before dawn, Peliah awoke and crept out to the garden, where she found Akrash hidden in the bittergreen vines. The edge was still relatively keen, but there were scratches vertically across the blade’s surface. Another beheading, she thought, as she took pumice stone and patiently rubbed out the marks, finally polishing it with a solution of salt and vinegar. It was up on the mantle in pristine condition when her father came into the sitting room for his breakfast.

    When the news came that Kemillith Torom, Peliah’s husband-to-be, had been found outside of a canton, his head on a spike some feet away, she did not have to pretend to grieve. Her father knew she did not want to marry him.

    It is a shame, he said. The lad was a good slaver. But there are plenty of other young men who would appreciate an alliance with our family. What about young Soron Jeles?

    Two days nights later, Soron Jeles was visited by the Lopper. The struggle did not take long, but Soron had had armed himself with one small defense — a needle dipped in the ichor of poisonplant, hidden up his sleeve. After the mortal blow, he collapsed forward and stuck Kazagh in the calf with the pin. By the time he made it back to the Minegaur manorhouse, he was dying.

    Vision blurring, he climbed up to the eaves of the house to Peliah’s window and rapped. Peliah did not answer immediately, as she was in a deep, wonderful sleep, dreaming about her future with her Khajiiti lover. He rapped louder, which woke up not only Peliah, but also her father in the next room.

    Kazagh! she cried, opening up the window. The next person in the bedroom was Minegaur himself.

    As he saw it, this slave, his property, was about to lop off the head of his daughter, his property, with his sword, his property. Suddenly, with the energy of a young man, Minegaur rushed at the dying Khajiit, knocking the sword out of his hand. Before Peliah could stop him, her father had thrust the blade into her lover’s heart.

    The excitement over, the old man dropped the sword and turned to the door to call the Guard. As an after thought, it occurred to him to make certain that his daughter hadn’t been injured and might require a Healer. Minegaur turned to her. For a moment, he felt simply disoriented, feeling the force of the blow, but not the blade itself. Then he saw the blood and then felt the pain. Before he fully realized that his daughter had stabbed him with Akrash, he was dead. The blade, at last, found its scabbard.

    A week later, after the official investigations, the slave was buried in an unmarked grave in the manor field, and Serjo Dres Minegaur found his resting place in a modest corner of the family’s opulent mausoleum. A larger crowd of curious onlookers came to view the funeral of the noble slaver whose secret life was as the savage Lopper of his competitors. The audience was respectfully quiet, though there was not a person there not imagining the final moments of the man’s life. Attacking his own daughter in his madness, luckily defended by the loyal, hapless slave, before turning the blade on himself.

    Among the viewers was an old armorer who saw for one last time the veiled young lady before she disappeared forever from Tear.

    From http://www.imperial-library.info/mwbooks/last_scabbard_of_akrash.shtml

  452. Concerned: The Half-Life and Death of Gordon Frohman is a webcomic created by Christopher C. Livingston, parodying the first-person shooter video game Half-Life 2. The comic consists of game screenshots, with characters posed using Garry’s Mod, a tool which facilitates manipulation of the Source engine used by Half-Life 2. The first issue was launched on May 1, 2005.[2] The comic completed its run on November 6, 2006 with a total of 205 issues.[3]

    While Half-Life 2 takes the player through a dystopian future as protagonist Gordon Freeman, Concerned follows a similar path through the eyes of Gordon Frohman, a hapless, lethally clumsy oaf who arrives in the setting of the game a few weeks before Freeman. The comic’s dark humor is derived from its contrasts with the game, and its references to various shortcomings of the game. On several occasions in the comic, Frohman becomes the cause of various disastrous circumstances that Freeman will later encounter.

    Concerned has been well received by critics and fans alike. Several reviews praised the attention to writing and presentation,[4] as well as the comic’s humor.[5] Livingston has also reported uniformly positive relations with personnel at Valve, the developer company of Half-Life 2, who were pleased to have a comic based on their game
    As stated in an interview, Christopher Livingston started working on Concerned as a hobby. In the same interview he stated that he chose the Half-Life 2 game world as the scene for his comic because he was a fan,[7] after also taking the original 1987 Legend of Zelda for the Nintendo Entertainment System into consideration.[8][9] Livingston always “envisioned [the comic] as something that would have a clear beginning and ending, and run along the same lines as the game”, intending to end the plot of the comic at the same point where the game ended.[10]

    The creator of Concerned also said he thought of a comic as the best way of introducing humor to the game,[10] that he otherwise described as being “mysterious, moody, [and] immersive”.[7]

    Well, I thought Half-Life 2 was a great game, but there simply weren’t enough jokes about toilets in it. So, I thought a comic would be a good place to get some humor into the game. I came up with the idea for Frohman, a complete idiot, to play all the way through the game, just like Freeman only instead of being a hero, he’d be a complete tool.

    Christopher C. Livingston[10]
    The first issue of Concerned was released on May 1, 2005,[2] the comic completing its run on November 6, 2006 with a total of 205 issues.[3] The characters in the comic were posed using Garry’s Mod, a tool which facilitates manipulation of the source engine used by Half-Life 2, and the comic frames were assembled using Photoshop 6.[11]

    The webcomic derives its name from one of the propaganda broadcasts by Wallace Breen in Half-Life 2, in which he is reading a letter supposedly written by a citizen, signed ‘Sincerely, a concerned citizen’. Throughout the comic the main character, Gordon Frohman, sends several similar letters to Dr. Breen, Livingston’s intention being to suggest that Frohman was the author of the letter read by Breen in Half-Life 2.[12] The name “Frohman” is derived from the last name of Gordon Freeman, the protagonist of the Half-Life series. According to the credits on the comic’s website, this name was suggested to Livingston by Sam Golgert, an acquaintance of his.[13]

    Livingston has also employed the assistance of other people, notably Michael Clements, founder of the Half-Life 2 comics repository PHWOnline, and creator of SKETCH, another comic based on Half-Life 2. Clements aided him in enhancing the presentation of Concerned.[4] Greg Galcik also assisted in site maintenance, and Livingston later offered him a “guest week special”, in which Galcik wrote and published three issues for Concerned.[14] A similar set of three issues have also been published by Joe Yuska, during a week when Livingston was unavailable.[15]

    As stated by Livingston in several interviews, his relation with Valve, the developer company of Half-Life 2, was a good one, the company being pleased to have a comic based on their game.[4] According to Livingston, Valve also intended on collaborating with him to produce printed copies of Concerned. However, this was never finalized as the resolution of the comics was too low for printing.[6][9]

    Livingston has said that the comic will not continue through Half-Life 2: Episode One, the first of an episodic series following Half-Life 2, as the game “doesn’t really lend itself to the type of comic [he wants] to do”.[12]
    Synopsis

    [edit] Introduction
    In Half-Life 2, the player takes on the role of Dr. Gordon Freeman. Throughout the game, the player follows the story of a dark, dystopian future in which mankind has been enslaved by the Combine, a mysterious alien enemy. In contrast, Concerned follows the same general path through the story established by Half-Life 2, but instead follows the adventures of Gordon Frohman, a hapless, lethally clumsy oaf who arrives in City 17 a few weeks before Freeman. Frohman is incredibly nave and, unlike the other citizens, seems to enjoy living under the rule of the totalitarian administrator, Dr. Breen, and the Combine. He holds an insane reverence for the latter, even going to the point of having a plush doll of a Combine soldier.[16]

    [edit] Plot
    The early phases of the comic have Frohman excitedly arriving in City 17. Eventually he takes a job at the Combine’s headquarters, the Citadel, under a Combine Elite named Mr. Henderson. As most of his human colleagues become Combine soldiers, he realizes that Henderson has no immediate intention to do the same for him, citing his incompetence. Demanding to become one with the Combine, Frohman willingly sets off to Nova Prospekt, an alien security and detention installation, for invasive surgery to convert him. Meanwhile, he selects Ravenholm as a residence where he can commute to and from City 17, but lacks proper transport with which to get there. After a failed attempt to reach Ravenholm using Dr. Isaac Kleiner’s teleporter leaves him stuck in a Counter-Strike: Source server for a week, he seeks Ravenholm by foot instead. Traveling through City 17′s canals, Frohman arrives, badly injured and dazed, at Black Mesa East, the headquarters of the human resistance, where he is welcomed as a helper. His stay there is cut short because he causes trouble in the base, and also irritatingly overuses the gravity gun. He is fooled into leaving the base, and finally heads toward and reaches Ravenholm.

    On Frohman’s arrival, Ravenholm is depicted as a peaceful, bright, and cheerful place devoid of any Combine elements, but “terrorized” by Father Grigori. After adjusting, Gordon becomes accustomed to the town, but unintentionally discloses the town’s location to Dr. Breen, who immediately orders his forces to “bomb the shit out of them”. The town is fired on with headcrabs, killing many and turning others into zombies. Frohman himself is attacked by a headcrab and turns into a zombie too, yet retains his free will; and after a while his headcrab dies of malnutrition, which is attributed to his lack of intelligence. With Father Grigori’s help, Frohman escapes Ravenholm, now the zombie-infested nightmare seen when Freeman visits it in the game, and presses on to Nova Prospekt. After surviving several more hazards, he reaches the coast. Here, after passing the final resistance base and an Antlion-infested beach, Frohman encounters an Antlion Guard, which is killed by a Vortigaunt, an alien race helping the humans in the game. This allows Frohman to retrieve bugbait from the dead creature, with which he can control the Antlions.

    Frohman, accompanied by several bugbait-controlled Antlions, eventually reaches Nova Prospekt, only to be turned away as he does not have an appointment. He gives up and returns to City 17 in the following strip, as Gordon Freeman finally arrives in the city, linking the comic’s time frame with the start of Half-Life 2. He is then drafted into the resistance after failing to disrupt its operations, and unintentionally signals the start of the resistance’s uprising after one of his Antlions accidentally kills a Combine police officer. During the fighting, he accompanies Freeman himself and mingles with resistance members, aids the Combine in the capture of Alyx Vance, one of Freeman’s allies, and reunites with Norman Frohman, his long-lost assassin twin brother, only to promptly witness his death at the hands of a Strider, a large tripod war machine.

    Following this, Gordon returns to the Citadel, unwillingly aiding Freeman in his journey up the Citadel and influencing the plot of the game. As Freeman is pursuing Dr. Breen to his teleporter, Frohman is about to kill Freemanbut he pauses to come up with the perfect one-liner for the occasion, until Dr. Breen’s teleporter explodes. Frohman is flung off the Citadel peak by the explosion. Dr. Breen also survives, having fallen from the Citadel onto a pile of dead Combine soldiers. However, Frohman falls right onto Breen, killing him. Gordon himself is only seriously injured. Baffled by his ability to survive, he realizes through a flashback that he has been under “Buddha Mode”, a cheat code which prevents his health points from dropping below one throughout the comic’s duration. Frohman inadvertently turns off the mode, and even spoils an opportunity to be rescued by a group of Vortigaunts, as both Gordon Freeman and Alyx Vance are at the start of Episode One. In the end, Frohman dies unceremoniously, while survivors of the City 17 uprising find him dead.
    Livingston stated that the comic was a good way of pointing out several shortcomings of video games, and first-person shooters in particular. He emphasized the presence of various objects throughout the levels of games, which were intended to aid the player, but would have little chance of being found in the real world in a similar manner.[7]

    There’s a lot of elements about video games to poke fun of, especially in first-person shooters, which all have a lot of things in common, such as health kits, ammo, and barrels filled with explosive material strewn about levels for no practical, real-world reason. It just seemed like a good setting to make jokes.

    Christopher C. Livingston[7]
    Much of the comic’s dark humor is derived from its contrasts with Half-Life 2: in a depressing, dark vision of a conquered humanity’s future, Gordon Freeman becomes a hero and savior; the similarly-named Gordon Frohman, on the other hand, is just an average person, improbably cheerful to the point of stupidity, and somewhat nave as to what is actually going on around him.[10] For instance, Frohman fails to realize that his return-addressed letters to Doctor Breen reveal his location, and so result in that location being invaded, bombed, or otherwise compromised.[17]

    The comic contains many references to events and objects in the game. In one comic, Frohman makes a clerical error that causes the Combine to order far too many explosive barrels, thus suggesting an explanation for the barrels’ ubiquity throughout City 17 and beyond.[18] In another, he writes a letter to Dr. Breen asking why using his flashlight reduces his ability to run, a reference to Half-Life 2′s flashlight and sprint functions using the same power source.[19] In a further strip, the town of Ravenholm becomes the headcrab-infested ghost town seen in Half-Life 2 after Frohman writes to Breen expressing his happiness with being there, giving away Ravenholm’s location.[20] Indeed, Frohman causes (intentionally or accidentally) many of the disastrous circumstances that Gordon Freeman runs across. He accidentally gives Breen the idea of headcrab shells while on a radio,[21] and sets up all of the traps in Ravenholm himself in an attempt to catch Father Grigori.[22]

    It is also revealed that, at the Black Mesa Research Facility, Frohman causes the resonance cascade that allows for alien forces to invade in Half-Life by accidentally delivering a wedge of cheese, instead of the intended test sample, to the test chamber where the cascade flashpoints.[23] Half-Life: Decay, however, indicates that Dr. Gina Cross is responsible for this task. Livingston admitted he did not play Decay, and thus was not aware of its storyline. He also stated that the comic takes place in the PC version of the Half-life 2 continuity, and since Half-Life: Decay was never published for the PC, it does not affect the comic.[24]
    The comic has had positive reception from both the public and editors of various gaming magazines. The Globe and Mail stated the comic “stands out from most other gamics [comics consisting of game screenshots] by virtue of the quality of its writing and presentation”.[4] Online magazine GGL.com said that “Concerned is one of the funnier online gaming comics, and perhaps the best single-game parody in the bunch”,[7] and The Irish Gamers described Concerned as a “hit webcomic”.[6] Computer Gaming World described the comic as “funny”,[5] and PC Zone called it a “mildly amusing HL2 comic”.[25] The comic had also caught the attention of reviewers outside the United States and the United Kingdom; the Romanian magazine Level said the comic is “a recommendation to every fan of the game and anyone looking for a good daily laugh”.[26]

    The comic’s popularity, as well as the fact that Livingston stated he does not intend to the comic through Half-Life 2: Episode One,[12] led to the appearance of an ‘unofficial’ sequel to Concerned, entitled Concerned 2: A Concerned Rip-Off: The Continuing Adventures of Gordon Frohman, and created by Norman N. Black.[27]

  453. where is may update!!!!!!
    i am gonna resort to death threats soon

  454. STOP! You violated the Golden Laws of Legend! Now pay the fine, or I’ll haul you away!

    Pay fine. (150000000000000 Septims)
    Serve Jail sentence. (150 years, real time)
    Resist Arrest.

    And to meet the Laws’ requirements;

    Chance’s Folly
    by Zylmoc Golge
    The folly of a double-crosser

    By the time she was sixteen, Minevah Iolos had been an unwelcome guest in every shop and manor in Balmora. Sometimes, she would take everything of value within; other times, it was enough to experience the pure pleasure of finding a way past the locks and traps. In either situation, she would leave a pair of dice in a prominent location as her calling card to let the owners know who had burgled them. The mysterious ghost became known to the locals as Chance.

    A typical conversation in Balmora at this time:

    My dear, whatever happened to that marvelous necklace of yours?
    My dear, it was taken by Chance.

    The only time when Chance disliked her hobby was when she miscalculated, and she came upon an owner or a guard. So far, she had never been caught, or even seen, but dozens of times she had uncomfortably close encounters. There came a day when she felt it was time to expand her reach. She considered going to Vivec or Gnisis, but one night at the Eight Plates, she heard a tale of the Heran Ancestral Tomb, an ancient tomb filled with traps and possessing hundreds of years of the Heran family treasures.

    The idea of breaking the spell of the Heran Tomb and gaining the fortune within appealed to Chance, but facing the guardians was outside of her experience. While she was considering her options, she saw Ulstyr Moresby sitting at a table nearby, by himself as usual. He was huge brute of a Breton who had a reputation as a gentle eccentric, a great warrior who had gone mad and paid more attention to the voices in his head than to the world around him.

    If she must have a partner in this enterprise, Chance decided, this man would be perfect. He would not demand or understand the concept of getting an equal share of the booty. If worse came to worse, he would not be missed if the inhabitants of the Heran Tomb were too much for him. Or if Chance found his company tiresome and elected to leave him behind.

    “Ulstyr, I don’t think we’ve ever met, but my name is Minevah,” she said, approaching the table. “I’m fancying a trip to the Heran Ancestral Tomb. If you think you could handle the monsters, I could take care of unlocking doors and popping traps. What do you think?”

    The Breton took a moment to reply, as if considering the counsel of the voices in his head. Finally he nodded his head in the affirmative, mumbling, “Yes, yes, yes, prop a rock, hot steel. Chitin. Walls beyond doors. Fifty-three. Two months and back.”

    “Splendid,” said Chance, not the least put off by his rambling. “We’ll leave early tomorrow.”

    When Chance met Ulstyr the next morning, he was wearing chitin armor and had armed himself with an unusual blade that glowed faintly of enchantment. As they began their trek, she tried to engage him in conversation, but his responses were so nonsensical that she quickly abandoned the attempts. A sudden rainstorm swelled over the plain, dousing them, but as she was wearing no armor and Ulstyr was wearing slick chitin, their progress was not impeded.

    Into the dark recesses of the Heran Tomb, they delved. Her instincts had been correct — they made very good partners.

    She recognized the ancient snap-wire traps, deadfalls, and brittle backs before they were triggered, and cracked all manners of lock: simple tumbler, combination, twisted hasp, double catch, varieties from antiquity with no modern names, rusted heaps that would have been dangerous to open even if one possessed the actual key.

    Ulstyr for his part slew scores of bizarre fiends, the likes of which Chance, a city girl, had never seen before. His enchanted blade’s spell of fire was particularly effective against the Frost Atronachs. He even saved her when she lost her footing and nearly plummeted into a shadowy crack in the floor.

    “Not to hurt thyself,” he said, his face showing genuine concern. “There are walls beyond doors and fifty-three. Drain ring. Two months and back. Prop a rock. Come, Mother Chance.”

    Chance had not been listening to much of Ulstyr’s babbling, but when he said “Chance,” she was startled. She had introduced herself to him as Minevah. Could it be that the peasants were right, and that when mad men spoke, they were talking to the daedra prince Sheogorath who gave them advice and information beyond their ken? Or was it rather, more sensibly, that Ulstyr was merely repeating what he heard tell of in Balmora where in recent years “Chance” had become synonymous with lockpicking?

    As the two continued on, Chance thought of Ulstyr’s mumblings. He had said “chitin” when they met as if it had just occurred to him, and the chitin armor that he wore had proven useful. Likewise, “hot steel.” What could “walls beyond doors” mean? Or “two months and back”? What numbered “fifty-three”?

    The notion that Ulstyr possessed secret knowledge about her and the tomb they were in began to unnerve Chance. She made up her mind then to abandon her companion once the treasure had been found. He had cut through the living and undead guardians of the dungeon: if she merely left by the path they had entered, she would be safe without a defender.

    One phrase he said made perfect sense to her: “drain ring.” At one of the manors in Balmora, she had picked up a ring purely because she thought it was pretty. It was not until later that she discovered that it could be used to sap other people’s vitality. Could Ulstyr be aware of this? Would he be taken by surprise if she used it on him?

    She formulated her plan on how best to desert the Breton as they continued down the hall. Abruptly the passage ended with a large metal door, secured by a golden lock. Using her pick, Chance snapped away the two tumblers and bolt, and swung the door open. The treasure of the Heran Tomb was within.

    Chance quietly slipped her glove off her hand, exposing the ring as she stepped into the room. There were fifty-three bags of gold within. As she turned, the door closed between her and the Breton. On her side, it did not resemble a door anymore, but a wall. Walls beyond doors.

    For many days, Chance screamed and screamed, as she tried to find a way out of the room. For some days after that, she listened dully to the laughter of Sheogorath within her own head. Two months later, when Ulstyr returned, she was dead. He used a rock to prop open the door and remove the gold.

  455. The Green Lantern says:

    The River
    An Oblivion Fan-Fiction, by Bugsteak

    Chapter One: Uriel Septim has died.

    I just want my story to be shared, and to have my name be remembered by someone. You see, I was in the cell with too. Uriel Septim had been but four feet away from me when he died. I was there, I saw him give that other person the Amulet of Kings. I saw everything that happened, and no one noticed me. For clarity, I am a Khajiit. Even more clear, a humanoid feline. My name is Caesar, and this is my part in saving the Empire from the spawns of Oblivion.
    I suppose you are wondering why we were both in jail. To make a longer story short, we had a few too many drinks and fought at some pub down the street. We woke up to this cell, and have pretty much resolved our problems. We were in the cell for a long time, seeming to be at the very bottom of the prison. I was sitting in the darker corner, just beneath the window, when we finally heard footsteps. Two soldiers, of the Blades faction, stopped in front of our cell. A man with a deeper, more confident voice spoke to them, though I could not make out the words.

    Blades soldier, Get back against the far wall, prisoner. This doesnt concern you, he ordered, to which my companion complied.

    I stayed in the dark corner. I am a rather slick guy, actually, being an ex-thieves guild member of high rank. I am particularly inconspicuous by nature as well. The two soldiers came in, one with his katana drawn watching us, the other to the wall right of our window. That is when he entered, the Emperor himself. Uriel Septim kept his eyes to the floor as he, and a third guard, a female Captain of the Blades, followed him in, and stood beside the soldier with the drawn blade.
    Uriel took a quick glance at my companion, did a double take, and a look of awe came about him. He spoke quietly with my cellmate, it sounded like important stuff. Something about assassination and a secret heir to the throne. I am not sure; I had to concentrate on staying hidden.
    Meanwhile, the guard by the right-hand wall had produced a key from his pocket. He pressed it into a hole in the mounting for our torch, turned it, and a small section of wall slid back, then down into the floor. The Emperor, soldiers, and my cellmates all exited through that passage. When they were out of eyesight, I moved from my hiding place, to the cell door and attempted to open it; which stayed firmly locked. I turned and looked at the secret passage. It must be safe, I thought, if the Emperor is using it. Cautiously I peaked into the corridor, and began my escape.
    I caught up to the group rather quick, in time to hear the Emperor asking of what sign my companion had been born under. I was born under the sign of the Shadow, which I have discovered that that particular sign had given me the advantage of invisibility. However, I am not too good at it yet. I was trained only days before being expelled from the Thieves Guild, so I can only be gone for a minute or so, and only once a day. Its a short amount of time, but enough to get the job done.
    As I watched from a shadow behind a pillar, some men in amazing armor had come from what seemed to be nowhere. They appeared quickly and attacked the Blades, killing off the female Captain before being slew themselves. They took the Captains blade, but left her body and armor. I could not have expected to escape without protection, particularly with these strange armored thugs appearing. After the group had left, I made my way to the Captain. I took her armor, greaves, a cuirass, boots, and her back-up dagger. Suitable, as I specialized in shorter blades.
    After suiting up I decided to examine the bodies of the armored men, but to my surprise, their armor had vanished. They had used spells to bind that special armor to their bodies for a short amount of time, just enough, if done right, to kill a few travelers. I left them on the ground there, and continued through the corridors.
    More of the bodies, all wearing dark red robes, lay slain on the path. Eventually we came to a dead end, my companion and the Emperor stood in a small room as the Blades fought off more of the mysterious attackers. I snuck past as the Blades were occupied, into the shadows of the room with the Emperor and my cellmate. I stood but four feet from him as one of these armored men broke through a wall behind him, and struck Uriel Septim to the ground. My companion dispatched of the armored man with a fiery blast, which simply appeared from his fingers, and a quick slash with a blade.
    The Blades returned to find my Companion holding the Amulet of Kings, with a bloody blade, standing over the dead Emperor. I figured he would be struck down in his place, but the Blades allowed him to go. The soldier pressed in a stone, which cause the wall where the armored man appeared to drop into the floor, as well as one behind me. My companion went his way, and I went mine.
    I eventually found an exit through the sewers, dead creatures on my route suggested my companion had followed the same path out. As I stepped through the final gate, and into the sunlight, I could not help but smile at the distant scenery. My fur rustled lightly in the soft breeze coming off the river. My eyes were squinted by the light. I walked down to a small dock, just twenty or so feet from the sewer drain, with a small canoe. No one was around, so I took the boat to water, and rowed down toward the sea; South, to a port town named Layowiin. I stashed the boat in some bushes by the river.
    I found an Inn just inside the Northern Gate of Layowiin, named The Thirsty Drink. I figured I could scope out this town for a few weeks, steal some money and a horse, and make my way back to the province of Elsweyer, the neighboring province to Cyrodiil on the left.

    I looked to the Inn Keeper and asked, Inn keeper, where can I find work in this town?

    Chapter Two: Straight into Hell.

    I slept at the Inn, after convincing the Inn Keeper I would work for him the next day. I had awaked to the sounds of screaming women, crying children, and men shouting orders. A sharp knock pierced the air from my door, the Inn Keeper was shouting, Wake up! All able-bodied men are being summoned to help the town Guard!
    I got up and looked out my window. The sky was red and cracked, the air was hot, and men were being suited in iron armor, and given blades, then marched out the town gates I had entered.

    Come now! The town is under attack! the Inn Keeper shouted as he unlocked my door, and barged in, Get your armor on, stranger. By order of the Count youre being drafted to defend our city!
    What if I refuse? I inquired, not wanting to be involved in close combat. Stealth was my niche; I was never too keen on being smashed to death by a war hammer.
    Then you hang at dusk. He replied, and slammed my door shut as he moved across the hall, banging on the door with the same speech. Fight, or be hanged? I suppose I do not have a choice. I redressed in the armor, and found one of the city guard captains, Teras Melanos. He put me in the fourth group of soldiers, a bunch of orcs with axes and claymores, and much heavier armor than me.
    Soldiers of Layowiin, Teras spoke, today we are witnessing a bazaar event. Where we are sending you can only be described as Oblivion, or hell its self. Youre mission is to storm the tower, and close the gate, before the town is completely overrun. A prior of the local shrine stood near the Captain, and cast a spell over us, This spell binds you to this spot. When the gate is closed you will be pulled back, through the void, to this realm. He explained, which meant if we close it, they can summon us back to Cyrodiil, and not be lost in Oblivion forever.
    I was not too interested in seeing hell yet, but if I didnt go, Id be there in ten hours anyway. The orcs were all of the Fighters Guild, skilled in combat and prepared. I had but a short blade, armor that was too tight, and no close combat experience.
    March, soldiers. March into the jaws of Oblivion, and close the gate! the Captain rallied, as we walked to our doom. Through the northern gates we marched, and there it was. A huge swirling gate of fire, framed by scorched rock, protruding through the road that led into town. My eyes grew wider as we got closer, and the first wave of enemies rushed through. Scamps, those strange armored men, and trolls all poured from the gate. All the orcs around me roared, and charged forward. I stood back, and watched in awe as the fierce orcs tore apart the onslaught.
    A moment of watching gave me the courage to assist some of the orcs who were desperate for aid. I would perform backstabs on unsuspecting enemies, all of which where occupied with the orcs. Too busy with the powerful orcs to even pay mind to a small creature like myself, this was a great advantage. We pushed forward, forcing the enemies back through the gate; with very few orcs wounded or killed.
    Now, Soldiers! Storm into Oblivion, and close the gate that threatens our lives! the Captain cried, and the orcs replied with war cries, and rushed through the giant portal to Hell. I followed, though reluctantly, into the bowels of Oblivion.
    It was a rush. I was pushed, shoved, and dragged through hordes of the same demons we had fought off before. Apparently, our objective was a tower surrounded by a moat of searing magma. I kept in the middle of the crowd of orcs, away from the enemies around us, and moved with them to the tower. The air was full of smoke, and the sound of metal striking metal. War cries, and cries of pain. Creatures were dying all around me, and I was powerless. Powerless to fight, powerless to defend myself.
    We broke through the defenses of the tower, and a second wave of soldiers came in through the gate. These were High Elves, Bretons, and Argonians; Mages Guild members. They began casting restoration spells on our group, aiding the orcs with iron-like skin, protective barriers of flames, and healing wounds.
    We stormed into the tower, which was using a column of light to power the gate. At the top was a stone, called the Sigil Stone that drew the power of the Daedra lords to keep the gate open. That was our target. We retrieve the stone, and the gate will close.
    I ran with the horde of orcs, up the spiral ramp to the top. It seemed like the tower would go on forever, it seemed to stretch twice its height inside. We threw open the doors at the top, finding a room full of freshly summoned demons and minions. The orcs charged into them without hesitation, but I had something else in mind. The Sigil Stone was upon a raised platform, two more flights of stairs above us. If I could make it there, I could end this before any more soldiers are hurt, or killed.
    With a simple wave of my hand, and a small chant, I became invisible. I pushed my way through the battle. I dodged, jumped, rolled, and shoved my way, invisibly, through the battle. More than a few times, I had to be swift on my feet, barely escaping a mace or axe to my face. I broke through to the stairs, and ran up them with all my might, and invisibility failing. By the time I was up the first flight my invisibility had depleted, and the demons below had begun their pursuit. I turned to see three of the armored men chasing me, and drew my dagger. I threw it, piercing one through an axe-hole in his bound armor. He fell and I, without a weapon, prepared for the worst. The two raised their maces for a mighty strike, and swung them down.
    A crack of blue light split through the air, and the men were paralyzed with pain. The Mages Guild members had reached the top, spotted me, and cast some sort of electrical spell. I took one quick glance to the battle below, hoping to spot my savior, but didnt. Whoever it was went right to the battle after the single cast, and I would not have the chance to acknowledge. I continued up the stairs, hearing the same spell that saved me being cast repeatedly below.
    Now I stood, just feet from the stone, wondering what would happen if I reach into the power, and what will happen if I take the stone. The thoughts werent in my head more than a moment before more of the armored men were storming up the stairs to slay me. I dove as he reached the top, caught the stone in my arms, and glided through the immense power. Thats when I saw him. I saw my cellmate from the prison, reaching into a similar light to take another stone. He looked confident, strong, and well armed.
    As the vision passed I realized I was now falling, two stories, into the battle below. Just as I would have crashed into the soldiers we were drawn back, back into the town where I fell into the dirt of the street with a sickening thud, clutching the stone to my chest.
    I could hear cheers all around me, and the Captain of the Guards, Teras, congratulating me for retrieving the stone, and for closing the gate to Oblivion.
    Get up, lad! he said, and pulled me up to my feet. He took the stone from me, and offered it to the Mages Guild members, for analysis. He then told me a reward was waiting for the soldier whom retrieved the stone, and that I should visit the Counts manor this evening.
    The Count indeed had a reward waiting for me. I was officially a Captain of the Layowiin guard, given a horse, a perfectly balanced short blade, and a 5,000-septim reward.
    Later, there was a large banquet set up in town, tables everywhere. The entire town was outdoors celebrating the victory as an armored rider, wearing a cuirass bearing the flag of Kvatch, a town far northwest of Layowiin. He slipped off his horse, and approached the Count. He presented a slightly scorched scroll, which told of Kvatch being is desperate need of reinforcements. The minions had destroyed the town, and the guard was having trouble holding their defense. The orcs finished their meals, and marched out with the rider. The celebration ended with the news of Kvatchs fall, and left many wondering what other towns, if any, had been attacked and survived.

  456. Whoa, Where the heck is our Nondrick? It’s been a WHILE since the last update. I’m still sitting on the edge of my seat wondering if he’ll take the cure disease potion. IT’S KILLING ME. x_x

  457. I miss Nondrick! Hoping he makes a return soon! Or any sort of Oblivion-related story thing, your writing is hilarious.

  458. vadermath says:

    Whose? Midget’s? Coz if you’re talking to Chris, this is the wrong place. It seems he doesn’t come here very often…

  459. Awesome! Vadermath thinks I’m funny! Everyone saw it, you can’t deny writing it. I can’t wait to tell my family.

  460. vadermath says:

    Actually, I can. What I said was “Whose? Midgets?” by which I was asking Austin if he thought your writing was funny not implying I thought so myself. I win.

    Anyway, I’ll do another post at my forum-blog-fallout3-thingy later today, check it out.

  461. Perhaps this could become the Midget52 Q&A forum – ask a question, any, and it will be answered in due course. No topic too big or too small. No one seems to be using this site for anything, so it’ll be like squatting. And Midget52 shows up here regularly – Nondrick should really take notes.

    Vadermath – where can one read this forum-blog-fallout3-thingy? ?

  462. The Green Lantern says:

    I think you’re funny, Midget.

    Funny looking.

  463. Addicted The Mysterious says:

    Ka-Diss!

  464. guess what? i think hes gone hehe

  465. Enjoying the Oblivion posts about Nondrick’s non-quest. It’s bringing back fond memories of stumbling out of the sewers and trying to stay alive using rusty iron armor and an even rustier sword. The howl of a Timberwolf made my blood run cold.
    And, FYI, at Telepe, look for the Bowman on the ruins’ wall.

    Keep brewing up the good stuff …

  466. Hey, are you giving up hope already? It haven’t even gone 2 months yet! C’mon, what’s wrong with you people?
    The time from ‘Ghosts and Doldrums’ to this one had a like, 3-4 months gap in between! We aren’t even close to that! And a second question, what happened to my Golden Laws of Legend? Seems no one cares any more..

  467. Oh my. I noticed a grammatic error. It should be ‘It hasn’t even..’ Sorry! And to not make this double post a waste:

    Part One

    It seems to me, said Garaz, thoughtfully looking into the depths of his flin. That all great ideas come from pure happenstance. Take for instance, the story I told you last night about my cousin. If he hadn’t fallen off that horse, he never would have become one of the Empire’s foremost alchemists.

    It was late one Middas night at the King’s Ham, and the regulars were always especially inclined toward philosophy.

    I disagree, replied Xiomara, firmly but politely. Great ideas and inventions are most often formed slowly over time by diligence and hard work. If you’ll recall my tale from last month, the young lady — who I assure you is based on a real person — only recognized her one true love after she had slept with practically everyone in Northpoint.

    I put it to you that neither is the case, said Hallgerd, pouring a topper on his mug of greef. The greatest inventions are created by extraordinary need. Must I remind you of the story I told some time ago about Arslic Oan and the invention of bonemold?

    The problem with your theory is that your example is entirely fictional, sniffed Xiomara.

    I don’t believe I remember the story of Arslic Oan and the invention of bonemold, frowned Garaz. Are you sure you told us?

    Well, this happened many, many, many years ago, when Vvardenfell was a beauteous green land, when Dunmer were Chimer and Dwemer and Nord lived together in relative peace when they weren’t trying to kill one another, Hallgerd relaxed in his chair, warming to his theme. When the sun and moons all hung in the sky together–

    Lord, Mother, and Wizard! grumbled Xiomara. If I’m going to be forced to hear your ridiculous story again, pray don’t embellish and make it any longer than it has to be.

    This all happened in Vvardenfell quite some time ago (said Hallgerd, ignoring Xiomara’s interruption with admirable restraint) during an era of a king you would never have heard of. Arslic Oan was one of this king’s nobles and very, very disagreeable fellow. Because of his allegiance to the crown, the king had felt the need to grant him a castle and land, but he didn’t necessarily want him as a neighbor so the land he granted was far from civilization. Right in an area of Vvardenfell that is, even today, not quite civilized to this day. Arslic Oan built a walled stronghold and settled down with his unhappy slaves to enjoy a quiet if somewhat grim life.

    It was not long before his stronghold’s integrity was tested. A tribe of cannibalistic Nords had been living in the valley for some time, mostly dining on one another, but occasionally foraging what they liked to call dark meat, the Dunmer.

    Xiomara laughed with appreciation. Marvelous! I don’t remember that from before. It’s funny how you don’t hear much about the Nords’ rampant cannibalism nowadays.

    This was obviously, as I’ve said, quite some time ago (said Hallgerd, glaring at part of his audience with civil malevolence) and things were in many ways quite different. These cannibalistic Nords began attacking Arslic Oan’s slaves in the fields, and then slowly grew bolder, until they held the very stronghold itself under siege. They were quite a fearsome sight you can imagine: a horde of wild-eyed men and women with dagger-like teeth filed to tear flesh, wielding massive clubs, cloaked only in the skins of their victims.

    Arslic Oan assumed that if he ignored them, they’d go away.

    Unfortunately, the first thing that the Nords did was to poison the stream that carried water into the walled stronghold. All the livestock and most of the slaves died very quickly before this was discovered. There was no hope of rescue, at least for several months when the king’s emissaries would come reluctantly to visit the disagreeable vassal. The next closest source of water was on the other side of the hill, so Arslic Oan sent three of his slaves with empty jugs to bring some back.

    They were beaten with clubs and eaten before they were a few feet outside the stronghold gates. The next group he sent through he gave sticks to defend themselves. They made it a few feet farther, but were also overwhelmed, beaten, and devoured. It was obvious that better personal defensive was required. Arslic Oan went to talk to his armorer, one of his few slaves with specific talents and duties.

    The slaves need armor if they’re going to make it to the river and back, he said. Collect every scrap of steel and iron you can find, every hinge, knife, ring, cup, everything that isn’t needed to keep the walls sturdy, smelt it, and give me the most and the best armor you can, very, very quickly.

    The armorer, whose name was Gorkith, was used to Arslic Oan’s demands, and knew that there could be no compromise on the quality and quantity of the armor, or the speed at which he worked. He labored for thirty hours without a break – and, recall, without any water to slake his thirst as he struggled with the kiln and anvil – until finally, he had six suits of mixed-metal armor.

    Six slaves were chosen, clad in the armor, and sent with jars to collect river water. At first, the mission progressed well. The Nord attacked the armored slaves with their clubs, but they continued their march forward, warding off the blows. Gradually, however, the slaves seemed to be walking uncertainly, dazed by the endless barrage. Eventually, one by one, they fell, the armor was peeled from their bodies, and they were eaten.

    The slaves couldn’t move quickly enough in that heavy armor you made, said Arslic Oan to Gorkith. I need you to collect all the cadavers of the poisoned livestock, strip their skin, and give me the most and the best leather armor you can, very, very quickly.

    Gorklith did as he was told, though it was a particularly repulsive task given the rancid state of the livestock. Normally it takes quite a time to treat and cure leather, so I understand, but Gorklith worked at it tirelessly, and in a half a day he had twelve suits of leather armor.

    Twelve slaves were chosen, clad in the armor, and sent with jars to collect river water. They progressed, at first, much better than the earlier expedition. Two fell almost immediately, but the others had some luck out-maneuvering their assailants while deflecting an occasional blow of the club. Several got to the river, three were able to fill up their jars, and one fellow very nearly made it back to the stronghold gates. Alas, he fell and was eaten. The Nords possessed a remarkably healthy appetite.

    What we need before I completely run out of slaves, said Arslic Oan thoughtfully to Gorkith. Is an armor sturdier than leather but lighter than metal.

    The armorer had already considered that and taken stock of the materials available. He had thought about doing something with stone or wood, but there were practical problems with demolishing more of the stronghold. The next most prevalent stuff present in the stronghold was skinned dead bodies, hunks of muscle, fat, blood, and bone. For six hours, he toiled relentlessly until he produced eighteen suits of bonemold, the first ones ever created. Arslic Oan was somewhat dubious at the sight (and smell) but he was very thirsty, and willing to sacrifice another eighteen slaves if necessary.

    Might I suggest, Gorklith queried tremulously, Having the slaves practice moving about in the armor, here in the courtyard, before sending them to face the Nords?

    Arslic Oan coolly allowed it, and for a few hours, the slaves wandered about the stronghold courtyard in their suits of bonemold. They grew used to the give of the joints, the rigidity of the backplate, the weight pushed onto their shoulders and hips. They discovered how to plant their feet slightly askew to keep their balance steady; how to quickly turn, pivoting without falling down; how to break into a run and stop quickly. By the time they were sent out of the castle gates, they were easily very nearly almost amateurs in the use of their medium weight armor.

    Seventeen of them were killed and eaten, but one made it back with a jar of water.

    It’s perfect nonsense, said Xiomara. But my point is still valid even so. Like all great inventors, even in fiction, the armorer worked diligently to create the bonemold.

    I think there was a good deal of happenstance as well, frowned Garaz. But it is an appalling story. I wish you hadn’t told me.

    If you think that’s appalling, grinned Hallgerd. You should hear what happened next.

    Part Two

    What do you mean the story gets more appalling? Garaz was incredulous. How in Boethiah’s name could it get more appalling?

    It’s a ruse, Xiomara scoffed, ordering two more mugs of greef and a glass of flin for Garaz. How much worse can a tale get which prominently features cannibalism, abuse of slaves, and the regular placement of rotting animal carcasses?

    Don’t you dare dare me, growled Hallgerd, annoyed by his listeners’ lack of appreciation of his prose styling. Remind me where we were?

    Arslic Oan is the owner of a stronghold under siege by savage, cannibalistic Nords, said Xiomara, keeping a straight face. After a lot of deaths and several unsuccessful attempts to get water, he had his armorer with the unlikely name of Gorkith outfit his slaves with the first ever bonemold armor. One of them finally makes it back with some water.

    It was only one jarful of water (said Hallgerd, pulling back in his chair and continuing the tale), and Arslic Oan drank most of it, passing the remains to his dear armorer Gorkith and the last dribbles to the few dozen slaves who still lived. It was hardly enough to sustain health and well-being. Another expedition was necessary, but they had only one suit of bonemold left, as there was only one survivor of the trip.

    One out of eighteen slaves made it through the gauntlet of Nords wearing that marvelous bonemold armor of yours, said Arslic Oan to Gorkith. And one can only carry back enough water for one. Therefore, mathematically, as we have, counting you and me, fifty-six remaining people at the stronghold, we need armor for fifty-four. Since we already have one, you only need to make fifty-three to make the total. That way, three will make it back, with enough water for you and me and whoever’s in the best condition to partake. I don’t know what we’ll do after that, but if we wait, we won’t have enough slaves to fetch even a couple days’ worth of water.

    I understand, whimpered Gorkith. But how am I going to make the armor? I used all the livestock bones to make the first batch of bonemold.

    Arslic Oan gave an order which Gorkith fearfully complied with. In eighteen hours -

    What do you mean ‘Arslic Oan gave an order which Gorkith fearfully complied with’? asked Xiomara. What was the order?

    All will be clear, smiled Hallgerd. I have to chose what to reveal and what to conceal. Such is the way of the tale teller.

    In eighteen hours, Gorkith had fifty-three suits of bonemail (said Hallgerd, continuing, not really minding the interruption) prepared for the slaves. Without prompting, he ordered the slaves to practice using the armor, and even allowed them more training time than their predecessors. They not only learned how to move and stop quickly in bonemold, but how to adjust their peripheral vision to see a blow before it came, and to sway to dodge, and where the sturdiest reinforcement points on the arm were — the center of the chest and the abdomen — and how to position themselves to take blows there, against their natural instincts. The slaves even had time for a mock battle before being sent out among the cannibals.

    The slaves handled themselves admirably. Very few, just fifteen slaves, were killed and eaten out right. Only ten were killed and eaten when they reached the river. That was when things did not go according to Arslic Oan’s plans. Twenty-one slaves with jars of water took off for the hills. Only eight returned to the castle, largely because they were blocked by the cannibal Nords. It was a larger percentage than he had anticipated surviving, but Arslic Oan felt righteous indignation at the paucity of loyalty.

    Are you absolutely certain you wouldn’t rather flee? he hollered from the battlements.

    Finally, he allowed the survivors in. Three had been killed waiting for the gate to open. Two more died almost upon stepping into the courtyard. One was delirious, walking around in circles, laughing and dancing before suddenly collapsing. That meant five jars of water for four people, the two surviving slaves, Arslic Oan, and Gorkith. As the lord of the manor, Arslic Oan took the extra jar, but he was democratic with the others.

    You’re quite correct, frowned Garaz. This story is getting more and more appalling.

    Just wait, smiled Hallgerd.

    The next morning (Hallgerd continued) Arslic Oan awoke to a perfectly still and quiet stronghold. There was no murmuring in the corridors, no sound of hard labor in the courtyard. He dressed and surveyed the scene. It appeared that the fortress was utterly deserted. Arslic Oan walked down to the armorer’s quarters, but the door was locked.

    Open up, said Arslic Oan, patiently. We need to speak. Thirty out of fifty-four slaves successfully made it to the river and gathered water. Admittedly, some then fled, and a couple didn’t survive because I needed to correct their fickleness, but mathematically, that’s a fifty-five percent survival rate. If you and I and the two remaining slaves made the next run to the river, we two should survive.

    Zilian and Gelo left last night with their armor, cried Gorklith through the door.

    Who are Zilian and Gelo?

    The two remaining slaves! They don’t remain anymore!

    Well, that’s vexing, said Arslic Oan. Still we must continue on. Mathematically–

    I heard something last night, whimpered Gorklith in a funny voice. Like footsteps, only different, and they were moving through the walls. And there were voices too. They sounded strange, like they couldn’t move their jaws very well, but I knew one.

    Arslic Oan sighed, humoring his poor armorer: And who was it?

    Ponik.

    And who is Ponik?

    One of the slaves that died when the Nords poisoned our water. One of the many, many slaves that died, and we made use of. He was always a nice, uncomplaining fellow, that’s why I noticed his voice above all the others, Gorklith began to sob. I understood what he was saying.

    Which was what? asked Arslic Oan with a sigh.

    ’Give me back my bones!’ Gorklith’s voice shrieked. There was silence for a moment, and then more hysterical sobbing.

    I saw that coming, laughed Xiomara.

    There was nothing more to be done with the armorer for the time being (said Hallgerd, a trifle annoyed at the regular interruptions), so Arslic Oan stripped one of the dead slaves of his suit of bonemold and put it on. He practiced in the courtyard, impressing himself with his natural comfortably with medium weight armor. For hours, he boxed, feinted, dodged, sprinted, skipped, jumped, and generally cavorted about. When he felt tired, he retired to the shade and took a nap.

    The sound of the king’s trumpet woke him with a start. Night had fallen, and for a moment, he thought he had been dreaming. Then the alarum sounded again, far in the distance, but clear. Arslic Oan leapt to his feet and ran to the ramparts. Several miles away, he could see the emissaries and their vast and well-armed escort approach. They were there early! The cannibal Nords below looked at one another with consternation. Savages they might be, but they knew when a superior force was approaching.

    Arslic Oan joyously dashed down the stairs to Gorklith’s chamber. The door was still locked. He beat on it, cajoling, demanding, threatening. Finally, he found a key, one of the few scraps of metal that had not been smelted days before.

    Gorklith appeared to be sleeping, but as Arslic Oan approached, he noticed that the armorer’s mouth and eyes were wide open and his arms were folded unnaturally behind his back. On closer inspection, the armorer was obviously dead. What was more, his face and whole body were sunken, like an empty pig’s bladder.

    Something moved through the walls, like a footfall only… squishy. Arslic Oan expertly and gracefully turned to face it, completely in balance.

    At first, it seemed like nothing more than a bubble expanding through one of the cracks in the stone. As more of the flesh-colored gelatinous matter emerged, it more clearly resembled part of a face. A flaccid, almost shapeless face with a low brow and a slack, toothless jaw. The rest of the body oozed out of the crack, a soft bag of muscle and blood. Behind Arslic Oan and to the side, there was more movement, more slaves welling up through the cracks in the stone. They were all around him, reaching out.

    Give us, moaned Ponik, his tongue rolling about his hanging jaw. Give us back our bones.

    Arslic Oan began to rip off his bonemold, throwing it to the floor. A hundred figures, more, pooled into the small chamber.

    That’s not enough.

    The cannibals had cleared away by the time the king’s emissaries arrived at Arslic Oan’s gates. They had not been looking forward to this visit. It was best, they though philosophically, to begin with the worst of the king’s noblemen, so to end their trip well. They sounded the alarum once again, but the gates did not open. There was no sound from Arslic Oan’s stronghold.

    It took a few hours to gain access. If the emissaries had not brought a professional acrobat with them for entertainment, it might have taken longer. The place seemed to be abandoned. They searched every room, until finally they came to the armorer’s.

    There they found the master of the manor, folded neatly, legs behind his head, arms behind the legs, like a fine gown. Not a bone in his body.

    The first part of your story was complete nonsense, cried Xiomara. But now it doesn’t hold true on any level. How could bonemold be made again if the armorer who invented it died before he could tell anyone how he did it?

    I said that this was the first time it was created, not the first time people learned the craft.

    And when did someone first teach someone else the craft? asked Garaz.

    That, my friends, replied Hallgerd with a sinister smile. Is a tale for another night.

  468. Nondrick stared down at the wolf, his own canine diseased joints willing him to sniff butt, he resisted the urge with great difficulty. he noticed a steel sword on the ground near him, and made a lunge for it. He picked it up and tried to charge the wolf, but discovered HIS LEGS DIDN’T WORK. But then he remembered that if he killed things, he could carry more stuff. Right? Right.

    So he waited for the wolf to come to him, easing the sword in his scabbard, waiting for the perfect moment to – wait, when did he get a scabbard? the sword didn’t have a scabbard when he picked it up, but now it does. OOOooooeeeeeeooooOOOO

    The wolf attacked ferociously, and Nondrick instinctivly knew it was ferocious. Swinging and screaming like an injured pig, Nondrick stumbled around, murdering several plants in his blind, squealing frenzy. Just then, Nondricks dirty disgusting foot caught in a root, and he twirled around as he fell, landing a few blows on the wolf, killing its face. The rest of the wolf mysteriously died seconds later, floating comically into the air and rolling down a hill to an infested mudcrab dirt puddle. WAIT A MINUTE! INFESTED MUDCRAB DIRT PUDDLE!
    OH-NO!

    what will happen next in this thrilling tale of stupid fish faced people, and no, I’m not talking about argonians.

  469. @Vadermath: You implied it. The implication was totally there.

    @Green Lantern: WHO TOLD YO- I mean, um, um, um, shut up!

    @Sean: Vadermath and Green Lantern have been here way longer than me.

    Now, where was I? Oh, yes.

    All work and no Nondrick makes Midget52 a bored boy. All work and no Nondrick makes Midget52 a bored boy. All work and no Nondrick makes Midget52 a bored boy. All work and no Nondrick makes Midget52 a bored boy. All work and no Nondrick makes Midget52 a bored boy. All work and no Nondrick makes Midget52 a bored boy. All work and no Nondrick makes Midget52 a bored boy. All work and no Nondrick makes Midget52 a bored boy. All work and no Nondrick makes Midget52 a bored boy. All work and no Nondrick makes Midget52 a bored boy. All work and no Nondrick makes Midget52 a bored boy. All work and no Nondrick makes Midget52 a bored boy. All work and no Nondrick makes Midget52 a bored boy. All work and no Nondrick makes Midget52 a bored boy. All work and no Nondrick makes Midget52 a bored boy. All work and no Nondrick makes Midget52 a bored boy.

    Where is my red distilled beverage made from sugarcane by-products such as molasses and sugarcane juice?

  470. The Green Lantern says:

    Is this the real life?

    Is this just fantasy?

  471. @Midget52

    44 coments to go until what ???

  472. @Ronseal: 44 (actually, 27 now) comments until it maxes out.

    @Green Lantern: Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality. Open your eyes…

    @Everyone: Post on the damn forums! We need to preserve precious comment space! Please?

  473. maybe if it maxes out then chris will be notified electronically?? we should seriously consider death threats lol

  474. and so begins another Tale Of Somewhat Interesting Plots!

    Nondrick drew the bow back to his ear. not the bow string, wich he was holding in his other hand. he lets go of both ends for some unknown reason, and the arrow flies straigh into the adoring fans testicles! OH WAIT! the adoring fan HAS no testicles! But unfortunately, because of this crotch-impairment, the arrow does no harm, flying through his legs into a real man, Else God-Hater. Boy does she hate those gods, folks! And it looks like they hate her too, as the arrow withraws itsself from- no, that doesn’t sound right. The arrow, pulls out of Else and – no, thats even worse. Look the arrow comes out in a non-sexual way, and repeatedly goes back in- oh come on! screw it!

  475. Else God-hater is a slut lol

  476. Hey folks! I have a special plan on what to do when the comments on this page are maxed out! We start posting on Chris’s first entry! Yeah, that’s right! It’s like, full of comment space there! And when that one is maxed out, we go to the second one and so on! Now, as payment for coming up with this brilliant plan, you can all send $100,000,000 to me using PayPal! Sounds good?

  477. Is it me, or does this look like another few months away from the good stuff?

  478. For $100,000,000 it BETTER be the good stuff

  479. still no nonny…

  480. I say weall go to his other site n flood it with angry writings and stuff so hes forced to write about his non adventures… unless he is actually secretly adventuring in the game n now nondrick is some kinda powerfull battle warrior wizard monk ninja store clerk and he can’t pick flowers cuz he killed them all… i’ve never played that game but can you kill the flowers cuz some guy above me posted that u can, and if you can why pick them in the first place aint they biting and if they are all the more reason to kill them… anyway i read some of that shit and this guy is really ugly on the pictures he has sum ugly brown clothes and his like a hobo in them dont they dress better in oblivions city? Is Oblivion the mayor and how can you live in him… is the game world his testicles or sumthin?
    whatevr i hope u guys get ur new story soon and nondrick comes back finish his posts son cya

  481. you cant ‘kill’ plants or flowers, i was just joking.
    but, yeah, when this hits 500 lets get back to the first lio post!

  482. Midget52 says:

    What the hell is that Shorty guy blabbering about? Seriously. Posts like that have no place in the eloquent narrative that these comment sections have become.

    w00t. lol 4 l337 h4x0rz. You’re winner!

  483. midget listen i dont know what im wining but fuck you and ur number words dont diss me about my typing and i aint blabering i wus just asking questions cuz u guys made like 3000 coments on sum fucking blog even nondrick or whatever the owners name is abandoned go and play some game or watch a movie or go out and drink a fucking beer and chill son

  484. I am addicted, is there any meetings i can attend? We should set that shit up. But someone should be like an official spokes person and hit up the First person shouter website and let chris know. I NEED MY FIX.

  485. Shorty – ever heard of punctuation?

  486. Bad idea says:

    Spamming First-person shouter will just piss Chris off. He’s not interested in this right now. 1 real post in five months should tell you something.

  487. Not “spamming” just “enquiring” tastefully lol

    Is no one on this forum in some sort of communication with the almighty himself?

    Spamming my site ( if i had one ) would piss me off too ;)

  488. I knew that someone like Shortly would come sooner or later… no site is perfect. And Shortly, use your brain and read from the beginning, that will most likely make you understand that ‘Oblivion’ is a game, not the name of some mayor. And yeah, ever heard of punctuation? And please TRY and write nice, people saying ‘fuck you, chill, go and play a game or watch a movie go and drink a FUCKING beer.. etc’ just looks stupid. Swearing doesn’t make you cool, if you over-use it, you just look like an idiot. Which you unfortunately did. I don’t meant to offend you, I’m just giving you advice on what you should do the next time before you comment.

  489. vadermath says:

    He didn’t mean to offend you in any way, Shorty. But I do. You obviously are an internet idiot who knows nothing of Oblivion, TES, Nondrick, or Chris Livingston. So either get the fuck out of here, or start acting politely.

  490. The Green Lantern says:

    Fuck yeah.

    I heard it was Shorty’s birthday. We should party like it’s…

    Naaaah

    Shortly’s kinda gay.

  491. Well, if the others go rage, why won’t I join in? PARTY TIME! Let’s make up some fun names for Shortly! Like, Faggly, Stupidly, Annoyingly etc Hooray for me!

  492. “Number words” – I’m going to start using that.

  493. Addicted says:

    I think that we shouldn’t spam FPS comments. ‘Cause the only thing that will happen is other people will get mad at us, and besides I don’t think that Chris really reads the comments. And he’s posting on FPS regularly (well, pretty regularly) so why should we spam that website? It’s THIS website he doesn’t update.
    And I think we should all realize the sad truth that Nondrick is dead. Well, at least Chris doesn’t really care about our poor fish-face hero anymore. I think he’s gotten a little bored of it.

    Oh yeah. AND ONLY SIX COMMENTS LEFT!!!!!!!!!

  494. Microwavability says:

    BLARG MUST POST BEFORE NO MORE COMMENTS

    CHRIS UPDATE THIS BITCH OR I WILL PERSONALLY KILL A DONKEU

  495. @Someone- Have you ever heard of my balls?

    @Everyone- I know that perfectly what i was doing, i was having some fun and just typed some stuff on top of my head to mess with you.

    Now you all started to rant and tell me to get the fuck out of the site, even do there is NO way that you can make me, and i know what Oblivion is, who Chris is and all so forth. Like i said, i wanted to mess with you just because it seems like this place has become some gathering of guys who just have fun writing bullshit and make up funny stories (i did like some of the stories and fan fiction you created kudos for that)

    But this has to stop, because now there are only FIVE comments left and you are wasting it all on me.
    See im flattered and all that but that’s just precious space and i don’t deserve it. Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot.

  496. 0M6, 0N1Y 3 C0MM3N7$ L3F7!!! Well, now I guess we should all start posting at the fist entry on this blog. And when ALL the posts on this blog are filled, let’s start filling the forums! Hooray! And bois, I want the last comment, duh!

  497. The Green Lantern says:

    TWO COMMENTS LEFT!!!@!@!@!

    And no one asked you to leave Shortly.

    We just asked you to leave, shortly.

    And seeing as I may never hear from most of you again, PLEASE JOIN THE FORUMS!!! (everyone is invited)
    http://z8.invisionfree.com/Misadventure_Forums/index.php?s=01b788650a9fae62521cfe50872b372f&act=idx

  498. It’s not Shortly, it’s ShorTY. Now there’s only one comment left.

  499. Penis.

    Didn’t see that one coming did ya?

  500. Yes yes.

  501. Comment 502…Very interesting…

  502. Did Chris extend the comment limit or did he close comments for Hiatus?

  503. The Green Lantern says:

    I feel like I just made the jump from B.C. to A.D.

  504. man…..this is wierd…its like I’m in a different world this side of 500…woah…

  505. nevertheless, heres another one of Nondricks Tales of Somewhat Interesting Plots!

    Nondirk fell to the ground, the gaping hole in his spleen gushing forth blood and lungs. Thankfully, Nondrick, a completely different person, was completely alive and not dead. The zombie, however was also VERY MUCH NOT DEAD. it lurched forward in a forward, lurching way, and nondrick had nothing to call upon except a small pen, some dental floss and 350,000,000,000 molecules of Oxygen. Maguyver- sorry, Nondrick, ties the pen and the molecules together, um, somehow, and throws it at the zombie, hitting it in the tree behind it. The tree bellowed silently, the sound making Nondricks hairy ass stand on end. The tree, mistakenly thinking the zombie was to blame, totally had a motherfuckin’ FAG DRAG on the zombies ass! I mean, it was like BOUNCE MUTHUFUCKA! Beat down! So, the zombie got the shit kicked out of him, and nondrick came up behind the tree and used the dental floss to strangle it till IT DIED. “But wait!” I hear you say, “Didn’t nonny use the dental floss to tie the pen and molecules together?!?!111forty-three!!1″ the answer: a sneering, in-your-face NO. He used OTHER MOLECULES to tie them together! The Genius! The logic! The impossibility!

    With the tree dead and the zombie fast running out of lungs to puncture, Nondrick looted their corpses and dropped a deuce right there, because he had been holding it in that whole fight, and 64 of his bowels were already ruptured, he didn’t need another! No sir!

    and so ends another tale, join us next time for more…

    TALES OF SOMEWHAT INTERESTING PLOTS!

  506. Maybe he listened to me. I put a comment on FPS asking

    a) To post again and
    b) Extend the comments if he doesn’t have time.

    He is communicating with us, gentlemen.

    Either that, or he locked hiatus and has completely forgotten to lock this one.

    Also, no hard feelings, Shorty. Glad to have a new addition.

  507. @ Midget – You da man!!

    You must be one of the few people that actually got what i was meaning. One person says spam and everyone starts havin brown babies lol

    Dont worry i aint gonna add anything to it, but can you paste a link to it so i can have a look? Thanks for that man, you must be on the same level of addiction as my self.

    Here have one of my mums pickled testicles :)

    Keep fightin for us Nondrick junkies, whoo ahh

  508. vadermath says:

    @Shorty: Wow. I feel like being rick rolled on youtube. As Midget said, no hard feelings, sorry for ranting on you man. And yes, if you want to have fun and write bullshit, you’ve come to the right place.

  509. Group hug, guys. You can feel the love. everybody!

    All we are saaaaayiiiing….

    Is give peace a chaaaaaaance….

    Seriously, I think that this comments section is a perfect example of how internet chat should be: Polite, (mostly) calm, inclusive and entertaining. this was the first place I had ever commented on the internet. Thanks for proving all my fears about forums and such wrong.

  510. Forgot to mention wierd. This place has wierd leaking out of every orifice. Just the way it should be.

  511. Heh, guys there are no hard feelings, you don’t even know me, you can’t insult me.

    But yeah, this place is weird, but it’s funny not only because of Chris’s posts, but all the rants and comments by the community. Who could’ve even thought that a blog post can CREATE a community.

    By the way, i want more fan-fiction Green Lantern, or a link for the rest of the one you started.

  512. The Green Lantern says:

    Be patient, youngling.

    All things come with time. :)

  513. oh jeez, its not like Putzy poured some of his weirdest humour into his Tales Of Somewhat Interesting Plots! lets not even say a small lol! i feel completely neglected. and YOU! shorty! how DARE you ask green lantern for fan fiction right in front of me! i have feelings too! *cries*

  514. To celebrate our new friend Shorty, and to celebrate that the comments aren’t locked, let’s all hug! *hug, hug, hug, hug*

  515. vadermath says:

    That’s a little too much…hugging, Midget. I’m starting to worry about you…

  516. he was just huggin his beer keg lol

    MIDGET stop huggin the keg and post that link son!!

  517. The Green Lantern says:

    Dude, the keg’s tapped.

    Who’s going on a beer run?

  518. The Green Lantern says:

    And let us never speak of Michael’s hugging spree ever again.

  519. vadermath says:

    So help us God.

  520. What hugging spree? Oh, that one. Want a second one? Of course you do! *hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug,hug, hug* By Sithis! No more hugging sprees for me, EVER AGAIN!

  521. The Green Lantern says:

    Michael, I think you’re that guy I met at camp when I was 12.

  522. The Green Lantern says:

    But my therapist says I shouldn’t talk about that.

    SO THANKS FOR BRINGING IT UP

    *has breakdown*

  523. LIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK ARRRRGH :)

  524. The Green Lantern says:
  525. hmmf shoulda seen that one comin ha ha :)

  526. @Putzy , i’ve read your stuff but you post a whole lot more of it so i didn’t wana pressure you too lol.

    Just finished the first quest for Sheogorath… (the one at Xedilian) that guy is FUCKING WEIRD!

  527. So… so so so… is this ever going to continue? I’m scared. Real scared. I.. I.. I don’t think, how could he just stop? Stop now??? How could he? Please someone…. *gunshot*

  528. The Green Lantern says:

    To be completely honest, I lost interest in Oblivion once Fallout 3 came out. But then again, to have it keep my interest that long is an acheivement in its own right.

  529. fuck it i posted on FPS
    what is he gonna do?

  530. vadermath says:

    Depends on what you posted. If you asked him politely to continue the blog, he might listen and we will go to heaven. If you, on the other hand, spammed, we will all go to hell to have tea parties with Satan, and for getting us there we will drop you in hot tea and drown you. And burn you. And boil you. And eat you.

  531. The Green Lantern says:

    And sacrifice you to Sithis.

  532. vadermath says:

    Shit. Almost forgot about good old Sith’.

  533. I felt like Fallout was essentially the same as Oblivion, only with guns. (and yes i know you’ve read that line 300 times) I liked the different tutorial though, not in prison this time… I wonder why we begin in prison in Oblivion… MODS! Thats right, i used mods in Morrowind, and i didn’t buy them. (some of the official plugins) Now i pay for it in Tamriel…

    Yes.

  534. The Green Lantern says:

    Fuck yes.

  535. and heres another of nondricks…
    TALES OF SOMEWHAT INTERESTING PLOTS!

    With his back against the wall, the storm atronach charged nondrick, scaring the living parasites out of him! Nondrick ducked instead of getting OUT THE BLOODY WAY and the atronach smashed into him, blasting Nondrick up through the roof of the dungeon and through SEVEN LAYERS OF DUNGEON. he climbed out of the ditch he had landed in and discovered he was OUTSIDE IN THE EXTERIOR OF OUTSIDE. He gasped and fellback into the ditch, a surprising move from the ditch. Nondrick used a friendly root to try and pull himself up, but the root BLINDISDED HIM AND BROKE making him fall back further into the ditch! With no other option, Nondrick was forced to eat the living worms there, although he could have lasted quite a while before starvation became a problem. the moron. maybe he was just hungry. BUT THEN AN OBLIVION GATE OPENED IN THE DITCH! Nondrick tripped over another backstabbing root and fell through! and he was all “fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck” and the roots were all ” ” and the oblivion gate was all “nomnomnomnomnom”

    WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?!? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON…

    TALES OF SOMEWHAT INTERESTING PLOTS!

  536. The Green Lantern says:

    Those fucking roots.

    They’ll get you in the end.

  537. KingFrozen says:

    Sorry i’m coming into this so late, but i have read 95% of all the previous posts, so only like 200 to go.

    Also, seriously, how do the topics change so much? But i do like the consistency of the recurring gags… lol… infantonium… i want some

  538. I think that Joeman is dead. He hasn’t commented at all. Let’s have a funeral for him.

  539. We gather here today to mark the passing of a very special killer. Joeman will be remembered for a lot of things, like shooting me in the head, being the last comment on Hiatus, and. . . well, that’ about it. He led a pretty boring life.

  540. I was only gone for twelve hours and you guys posted something like twenty times. Spare time is definitely something you guys have more of than me.

    Also:

    We welcome you, Kingfrozen to our pleasant community. We hope you enjoy your GET OUT! GET OUT NOW! WHILE THERE IS STILL TI- *Gunshot* *Thunk* ghh….

  541. vadermath says:

    And that takes care of him.

  542. The Green Lantern says:

    Joeman joins a game of D$D, already in progress.

    ROLL INITIATIVE

    DO IT!!!!!

  543. The Green Lantern says:

    Yes, that is a money symbol. Because he’s playing competitive D$D.

  544. So the question is: Did Chris deactivate the comment limit…or just set a new one?

    Every comment made here could be the last one!

    Discuss……or maybe not!

  545. Joemans dead, midget52 is swimming with the fishes……whos next?

  546. Dont worry guys we are going to Heaven…unless my tourettes kicks in ;)

  547. Simon Cowell? with his big ass retarded trousers

  548. The Green Lantern says:

    The Saga of the Goat

    Vol. 2

    It was a bright and sunny day. My goat and I decided to go down to the stream for a swim…

  549. cont……

    then i drowned it and fed it to the starving Nondrick fans gathered by the rivers edge slavering like a pack of hungry zombies

  550. The Green Lantern says:

    Dude, do you even know how much shit we went through to keep that goat alive? And you kill it? What the hell man?

  551. i am more of a Llama guy, whoopsee ha ha

  552. it can come back as a Zombie goat you know! ;)

  553. vadermath says:

    You didn’t kill the fucking goat. You killed it’s double, conveniently put there to distract you.

  554. The Green Lantern says:

    I knew I could count on you Vadermath!

    My day is no longer ruined!

  555. The Green Lantern says:

    But my story is…

  556. The Saga of the Goat

    Vol. 3

    Me and my Goat where taking a walk, when suddenly the goat said…

  557. The Green Lantern says:

    “Do you know how hard it is to walk in stilts?”

  558. I answered; ‘ No, I don’t. Is it hard?’

    The Goat said; ‘ Yeah, very hard. Just joking, friend! It’s very easy, if you don’t think about it!’

    Then a Spriggan came and ate me. What did the goat do?

    The goat did a round house kick so the Spriggan flew all the way to..

  559. KingFrozen says:

    …be completely and totally owned by Chuck Norris?

    sorry, i’m not good at this…

  560. vadermath says:

    Nah, I liked the Chuck Norris bit, it’s fine.

  561. Luckily, i was able to escape the intestines of the spriggan in a very unpleasant and scarring way. I suppressed those memories immediately, then went to rejoin my stilt-walking goat. But he was nowhere to be found….

  562. The Green Lantern says:

    “What the hell?”, I thought to myself as I continued on down the path. “He has to be here somewhere.” But then I remembered, Goat’s stilts were enchanted with Time Travel. He could be anywhere. The first thing I had to do was…

  563. Get a mocha coffee at Starbucks! Man, was I thirsty. And a mocha from Starbucks will quench your thirst in no time! Yum, yum, yum!

    Maybe if I do this enough they’ll pay me for it.

  564. KingFrozen says:

    [unrelated to story]
    first of, the goat should be “anywhen” not “anywhere” and secondly, STARBUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!11one11!!1eleven! WTF! Starbucks is the worst coffee imaginable to mankind. It tastes like tar, feels like tar and smells like it came out of…

    [re-related to story] The goats bum suddenly appeared infront of me. Then the goat turned revealing it’s head and said “Quick, follow me into the future or something bad will happen”
    I followed and as luck would have it the earth was soon blown up by the vogons. Due to a slight miscalculation we appeared in the future but in a location where the earth probably should have been… so…

  565. Midget52 says:

    We landed in a hyperspace bypass. Luckily, 29 seconds later, we were picked up by a van full of dolphins on their way to alpha centauri.

  566. vadermath says:

    Enter Douglas Adams!

  567. The Green Lantern says:

    Who then challenges William Shakespeare to a duel!

  568. KingFrozen says:

    is it alright for me to re-enter so soon? ah, who cares

    The duel went on for many years, both Mr.Adams and Shakespeare using their penmanship to swing their swords, sorry wait pens, at each other. Clang! Whoosh! both were tried and tested in that duel, but it was ended when…

  569. A ninja swooped down from the ceiling (Despite it being outside. that’s how stealthy he is) and sliced them three ways from sunday, conclusively proving that the sword is mightier than the pen.

  570. The Green Lantern says:

    But I digress!

    Now, off to find the goat, who could be ANYWHEN!!! (like what I did there KingFrozen?)

  571. Oh, Christopher.

  572. The Green Lantern says:

    Oh, Mike.

  573. Oh, people.

    What about Christopher, Mike?

  574. KingFrozen says:

    I would assume that The green lanterns real name is Chris, and that Mikes real name is Mike. Seriously, Midget? What is wrong with you, other than your dwarfism?

  575. My insanity and Cyborg/Metal-flesh-alloy Construction Genius, of course!

  576. The Green Lantern says:

    My real name is Hal.

    Duh.

  577. Your WHAT name?

  578. Hal? As in, 9000?

    Awesome.

  579. The Green Lantern (whose name is definitely not Hal) says:

    MY NAME IN WORLD OF WARCRAFT

    Did I say that Hal was my “Real Name”?

    Jeez, I play too much of that game. I mean, why would a superhero put his real name on the internet.

    *chews fingernails*

  580. vadermath says:

    Of course, my real name is Devilin, servant of Satan and all that is bad, ugly, and horrible in this universe.
    *a long moment of silence*
    Well. I see that mega-awkward moments are back in the game.

  581. Blach, you’re getting off of the story again (picture again in italics). Okay. Back on the story. . .

    So in order to find my trusty goat, I looked through my trusty goat-finding binoculars.

    “Oh my God” I gasped. “I can’t believe it. My goat is. . .

  582. The Green Lantern says:

    Rick Astley!

  583. What is a “Rick Astley”? And who is “Gamestop”? These concepts anger and confuse me!

  584. KingFrozen says:

    YAY! Someone else who plays WoW!
    What server are you on?

  585. Seriously. What the hell is a “Rick Astley”?

  586. The Green Lantern says:

    I’m sorry everyone, but he asked.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI

  587. KingFrozen says:

    OH! You got Rick Roll’d!

    Nice green, HI-5!

    *smack*

  588. You cannot stop Lord Dagon. (random message of the day)

  589. The Green Lantern says:

    I’m sorry, it had to be done.

    Welcome to the internet Midget!

  590. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    aww guys thats mean! he was just an innocent person stranded in the internet! that was just plain cruel!

  591. We’re no strangers to love, you know the rules, and so do I.

  592. Yeah, okay, fair enough. No one has posted a link to Goatse.cks or similar yet.

    What? You expect me to?

  593. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    jesus midget dont say things like that! you will jinx us! although i have never seen goatse, i know what it is, so i really dont want to!

  594. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    anyway, here is another TALE OF SOMEWHAT INTERESTING PLOTS!

    Nondrick rode the horse barebacked, revelling in the sensation of his balls disintegrating.
    “Gosh,” he said, “this is nyargh! nyargh! nyaaaarrrgh!” he continued, because a fish had slammed into his face, taking his head clean off. his head flew up, and his body fell off the horse, the liquidated remains of Nonnys manhood trickling away. as the body fell, a health potion fell from his pocket and smashed, coating his head and body with the magic red liquid. by incredible coicidence, his head landed upright on his neck! the potion worked and it was instantly re attached to him! the head, i mean, not the potion. the potion killed seventeen innocent bystanders with its flying glass. it went down on a long beat, multiple life sentances. it opted out for scientific testing, leading it to be transformed into a mudcrab. a GLASS mudcrab. it couldn’t actually move though, so it was pretty useless. after falling off a shelf and shattering, killing four scientists and one intern, it was put down for the death sentance. after five years and over six appeals, it was finnally killed by lethal injection, followed by being thrown into a volcano. time of death 10:42am EST.

    that was PRETTY AWESOME, WAS IT NOT?
    TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR MORE…..

    TALES OF SOMEWHAT INTERESTING PLOTS!

  595. The Green Lantern says:

    I remember the first time I got Goatse’d. It was on the Cracked forums.

    I still cry at night.

  596. The Green Lantern says:

    And please God, no one ask what Goatse is.

  597. What’s a Goatse? (lol)

  598. Addicted says:

    Wow, only one more comment away from 600!

  599. Addicted says:

    600!!!!!!!! WOOHOO! We need to have a party in celebration!! We got 100 more comments away from 500!!!!!

  600. I googled for celebration, and I found this cool site! So let’s all watch the whole celebration video together?
    Here’s the link: http://tinyurl.com/dxqto6

  601. *Please don’t get mad at me, I have enough problems already*

  602. The Green Lantern says:

    I refuse to click that link.

  603. Mysterion says:

    this sirs is fucking retarded, i know weve waited longer for updates but its kinda gay to just leave us hanging like this, i mean weve had like one proper update in about 6 months

  604. KingFrozen says:

    you know, maybe he could just leave an empty post so that we don’t have to scroll down all the time.

    it makes sense doesn’t it?

  605. The Green Lantern says:

    Mysterion, don’t you know that WE run the site now?

  606. KingFrozen says:

    Maybe if we put a serious post Chris (or green who runs the site) will start takign this nondrick roll seriosuly?

  607. The Green Lantern says:

    WE, KingFrozen.

    We own the site. There are people on this site, and in the Hiatus crew that obviously are more dedicated to this than Chris.

    I miss Max and Washcloth.

  608. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    i wasnt in the hiatus crew, but i like to think im a valued and respected member of this community:D

    nevertheless, like hell i am clicking that link after we just were talking about goatse.

  609. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    huh. out of unbelievably controlling curioisity, i clicked the link. the vid didn’t load, but it said something like ‘jarsquatter’ which could be a jar up some guys ass, giving a vomit inducing view of the inside of his rectum. BUT it could also be funny if its not that, so, will someone with more balls click it and watch it?

  610. The Green Lantern says:

    I value you, Putzy.

    And no.

  611. who is part of the Hiatus crew?

    Also, we should take a vote as to who clicks the link. I vote Green Lantern, because he was the first name I saw. Democracy rules! Especially the parliamentary type.

  612. The Green Lantern says:

    I have always been on the side of if you think you are part of the Hiatus crew, you probably are.

    And you are going to need a lot more votes than 1 to get me to click that.

    If it’s anything like Tubgirl or Goatse…

    *shiver*

  613. Okay, I’ve watched the whole friggin’ video in my link! C’mon guys, you have some balls don’t ya?
    And I vote for The Green Lantern, if not for everyone!

  614. CLICK IT CLICK IT ha ha

  615. The Green Lantern says:

    I clicked it…

    404 error, bitches!

  616. I’m so late to the party, its a wake instead of a baby shower.

    Still, it’s a great blog – so bloody funny, like everything else this guy does.

  617. Addicted says:

    I agree. Chris is great, and I love every piece of writing he’s- well, written- but he’s too much like Valve. Quality stuff, but it only comes out once every million years.

  618. Okay guys, so I’ve come up with this amazing business thingy! If you are sad, contact me(prolly via YouTube, I check mah mails each day) and I guarantee that after I’ve helped you, you’ll be shining of happiness! It really works! And all this for the simple price of subscribing to my YouTube profile(linked by my name)!

  619. The Green Lantern says:

    I don’t know, Addicted, At least the DLC for L4D is coming out soon…

  620. KingFrozen says:

    Ok… i clicked it

    I was willing to sacrifice myself so you guys could know what happened… and you really don’t want to know…

    The title is jar squatter and thats exactly what the guy did… but… he was putting something rather sensitive into the jar if you understand that

    *nightmares!*

  621. The Green Lantern says:

    I’m sending the FBI to your house right now, KingFrozen.

    Looking at that stuff is a crime against humanity.

  622. Voice of Reason says:

    Come on guys, this is silly. We all love chris’s work, and when he updates it’s hilarious. But at this point we have to realize he’s moved on, and we’re all being like that clingy ex-girlfriend who calls after two years when we’ve moved to a different state. While it’d be great if he were to come back and make nondrick again we’ve got to move on. I for one am removing Living in Oblivion from my favorites because I’m tired of wasting the four seconds it takes to see he hasn’t updated it.

  623. @ Green Lantern- I’m talking about the Half Life 2 fiasco thing. Although I didn’t even care about gaming then, and didn’t even know about half life, I still hold a grudge against Valve for it. Actually, I’m just kidding, I love Valve.
    And I can’t wait for the new DLC. Two tanks at once? I am gonna be dead in five seconds!

    @ Voice of Reason- I don’t even go to this webpage for the posts anymore, I go here for the comments.

  624. Sadly I have to agree with the voice of reason.

    I check for updates every day here and while I know I’m not entitled to any new material, it just pisses me off to see it abandoned like this.

  625. @ Addicted- I go here for the comments too!

  626. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    yeah i come here to spend three minutes scrolling down, then talking the the incredible people down here! also, whats tubgirl? i have only heard of 2girls1cup and goatse. oh, and maze game.

  627. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    ive never seen voice of reason or farty around here before, even though they are probably the same person. so im not going to go into their van.

  628. The Green Lantern says:

    @Addicted

    GOD I KNOW!!!

    Actually, I’ve been cutting back on the L4D action as of late. Spending too much time on RE5. But the survival mode will bring the zombie killing back to the top of the game chain.

  629. The Green Lantern says:

    Of zombie killing, obviously.

    WTF was I thinking?

  630. Any one played that Matt Hazzard game? The zombies look cool in that

  631. vadermath says:

    I am back! After being sick like a fucking wet dog (assuming wet dogs get sick) for the most of this week.

  632. The Green Lantern says:

    @vadermath

    I was just going to start asking who, or what, was eating my brothers in arms! Glad to have you back, soldier.

    #Ronseal

    No, not yet. But I have been meaning to play that. Will Arnett is one of my favorite people.

  633. The Green Lantern says:

    Also

    Putzy…

    Google tubgirl. I don’t want this comment section to start being a top 10 “Gross Things on the Internets!!!!!11!!!1!”.

    You will never be the same again.

  634. Michael Says:

    March 16, 2009 at 10:00 pm

    Oh my. I noticed a grammatic error. It should be It hasnt even.. Sorry! And to not make this double post a waste:

    Part One

    It seems to me, said Garaz, thoughtfully looking into the depths of his flin. That all great ideas come from pure happenstance. Take for instance, the story I told you last night about my cousin. If he hadnt fallen off that horse, he never would have become one of the Empires foremost alchemists.

    It was late one Middas night at the Kings Ham, and the regulars were always especially inclined toward philosophy.

    I disagree, replied Xiomara, firmly but politely. Great ideas and inventions are most often formed slowly over time by diligence and hard work. If youll recall my tale from last month, the young lady who I assure you is based on a real person only recognized her one true love after she had slept with practically everyone in Northpoint.

    I put it to you that neither is the case, said Hallgerd, pouring a topper on his mug of greef. The greatest inventions are created by extraordinary need. Must I remind you of the story I told some time ago about Arslic Oan and the invention of bonemold?

    The problem with your theory is that your example is entirely fictional, sniffed Xiomara.

    I dont believe I remember the story of Arslic Oan and the invention of bonemold, frowned Garaz. Are you sure you told us?

    Well, this happened many, many, many years ago, when Vvardenfell was a beauteous green land, when Dunmer were Chimer and Dwemer and Nord lived together in relative peace when they werent trying to kill one another, Hallgerd relaxed in his chair, warming to his theme. When the sun and moons all hung in the sky together

    Lord, Mother, and Wizard! grumbled Xiomara. If Im going to be forced to hear your ridiculous story again, pray dont embellish and make it any longer than it has to be.

    This all happened in Vvardenfell quite some time ago (said Hallgerd, ignoring Xiomaras interruption with admirable restraint) during an era of a king you would never have heard of. Arslic Oan was one of this kings nobles and very, very disagreeable fellow. Because of his allegiance to the crown, the king had felt the need to grant him a castle and land, but he didnt necessarily want him as a neighbor so the land he granted was far from civilization. Right in an area of Vvardenfell that is, even today, not quite civilized to this day. Arslic Oan built a walled stronghold and settled down with his unhappy slaves to enjoy a quiet if somewhat grim life.

    It was not long before his strongholds integrity was tested. A tribe of cannibalistic Nords had been living in the valley for some time, mostly dining on one another, but occasionally foraging what they liked to call dark meat, the Dunmer.

    Xiomara laughed with appreciation. Marvelous! I dont remember that from before. Its funny how you dont hear much about the Nords rampant cannibalism nowadays.

    This was obviously, as Ive said, quite some time ago (said Hallgerd, glaring at part of his audience with civil malevolence) and things were in many ways quite different. These cannibalistic Nords began attacking Arslic Oans slaves in the fields, and then slowly grew bolder, until they held the very stronghold itself under siege. They were quite a fearsome sight you can imagine: a horde of wild-eyed men and women with dagger-like teeth filed to tear flesh, wielding massive clubs, cloaked only in the skins of their victims.

    Arslic Oan assumed that if he ignored them, theyd go away.

    Unfortunately, the first thing that the Nords did was to poison the stream that carried water into the walled stronghold. All the livestock and most of the slaves died very quickly before this was discovered. There was no hope of rescue, at least for several months when the kings emissaries would come reluctantly to visit the disagreeable vassal. The next closest source of water was on the other side of the hill, so Arslic Oan sent three of his slaves with empty jugs to bring some back.

    They were beaten with clubs and eaten before they were a few feet outside the stronghold gates. The next group he sent through he gave sticks to defend themselves. They made it a few feet farther, but were also overwhelmed, beaten, and devoured. It was obvious that better personal defensive was required. Arslic Oan went to talk to his armorer, one of his few slaves with specific talents and duties.

    The slaves need armor if theyre going to make it to the river and back, he said. Collect every scrap of steel and iron you can find, every hinge, knife, ring, cup, everything that isnt needed to keep the walls sturdy, smelt it, and give me the most and the best armor you can, very, very quickly.

    The armorer, whose name was Gorkith, was used to Arslic Oans demands, and knew that there could be no compromise on the quality and quantity of the armor, or the speed at which he worked. He labored for thirty hours without a break – and, recall, without any water to slake his thirst as he struggled with the kiln and anvil – until finally, he had six suits of mixed-metal armor.

    Six slaves were chosen, clad in the armor, and sent with jars to collect river water. At first, the mission progressed well. The Nord attacked the armored slaves with their clubs, but they continued their march forward, warding off the blows. Gradually, however, the slaves seemed to be walking uncertainly, dazed by the endless barrage. Eventually, one by one, they fell, the armor was peeled from their bodies, and they were eaten.

    The slaves couldnt move quickly enough in that heavy armor you made, said Arslic Oan to Gorkith. I need you to collect all the cadavers of the poisoned livestock, strip their skin, and give me the most and the best leather armor you can, very, very quickly.

    Gorklith did as he was told, though it was a particularly repulsive task given the rancid state of the livestock. Normally it takes quite a time to treat and cure leather, so I understand, but Gorklith worked at it tirelessly, and in a half a day he had twelve suits of leather armor.

    Twelve slaves were chosen, clad in the armor, and sent with jars to collect river water. They progressed, at first, much better than the earlier expedition. Two fell almost immediately, but the others had some luck out-maneuvering their assailants while deflecting an occasional blow of the club. Several got to the river, three were able to fill up their jars, and one fellow very nearly made it back to the stronghold gates. Alas, he fell and was eaten. The Nords possessed a remarkably healthy appetite.

    What we need before I completely run out of slaves, said Arslic Oan thoughtfully to Gorkith. Is an armor sturdier than leather but lighter than metal.

    The armorer had already considered that and taken stock of the materials available. He had thought about doing something with stone or wood, but there were practical problems with demolishing more of the stronghold. The next most prevalent stuff present in the stronghold was skinned dead bodies, hunks of muscle, fat, blood, and bone. For six hours, he toiled relentlessly until he produced eighteen suits of bonemold, the first ones ever created. Arslic Oan was somewhat dubious at the sight (and smell) but he was very thirsty, and willing to sacrifice another eighteen slaves if necessary.

    Might I suggest, Gorklith queried tremulously, Having the slaves practice moving about in the armor, here in the courtyard, before sending them to face the Nords?

    Arslic Oan coolly allowed it, and for a few hours, the slaves wandered about the stronghold courtyard in their suits of bonemold. They grew used to the give of the joints, the rigidity of the backplate, the weight pushed onto their shoulders and hips. They discovered how to plant their feet slightly askew to keep their balance steady; how to quickly turn, pivoting without falling down; how to break into a run and stop quickly. By the time they were sent out of the castle gates, they were easily very nearly almost amateurs in the use of their medium weight armor.

    Seventeen of them were killed and eaten, but one made it back with a jar of water.

    Its perfect nonsense, said Xiomara. But my point is still valid even so. Like all great inventors, even in fiction, the armorer worked diligently to create the bonemold.

    I think there was a good deal of happenstance as well, frowned Garaz. But it is an appalling story. I wish you hadnt told me.

    If you think thats appalling, grinned Hallgerd. You should hear what happened next.

    Part Two

    What do you mean the story gets more appalling? Garaz was incredulous. How in Boethiahs name could it get more appalling?

    Its a ruse, Xiomara scoffed, ordering two more mugs of greef and a glass of flin for Garaz. How much worse can a tale get which prominently features cannibalism, abuse of slaves, and the regular placement of rotting animal carcasses?

    Dont you dare dare me, growled Hallgerd, annoyed by his listeners lack of appreciation of his prose styling. Remind me where we were?

    Arslic Oan is the owner of a stronghold under siege by savage, cannibalistic Nords, said Xiomara, keeping a straight face. After a lot of deaths and several unsuccessful attempts to get water, he had his armorer with the unlikely name of Gorkith outfit his slaves with the first ever bonemold armor. One of them finally makes it back with some water.

    It was only one jarful of water (said Hallgerd, pulling back in his chair and continuing the tale), and Arslic Oan drank most of it, passing the remains to his dear armorer Gorkith and the last dribbles to the few dozen slaves who still lived. It was hardly enough to sustain health and well-being. Another expedition was necessary, but they had only one suit of bonemold left, as there was only one survivor of the trip.

    One out of eighteen slaves made it through the gauntlet of Nords wearing that marvelous bonemold armor of yours, said Arslic Oan to Gorkith. And one can only carry back enough water for one. Therefore, mathematically, as we have, counting you and me, fifty-six remaining people at the stronghold, we need armor for fifty-four. Since we already have one, you only need to make fifty-three to make the total. That way, three will make it back, with enough water for you and me and whoevers in the best condition to partake. I dont know what well do after that, but if we wait, we wont have enough slaves to fetch even a couple days worth of water.

    I understand, whimpered Gorkith. But how am I going to make the armor? I used all the livestock bones to make the first batch of bonemold.

    Arslic Oan gave an order which Gorkith fearfully complied with. In eighteen hours -

    What do you mean Arslic Oan gave an order which Gorkith fearfully complied with? asked Xiomara. What was the order?

    All will be clear, smiled Hallgerd. I have to chose what to reveal and what to conceal. Such is the way of the tale teller.

    In eighteen hours, Gorkith had fifty-three suits of bonemail (said Hallgerd, continuing, not really minding the interruption) prepared for the slaves. Without prompting, he ordered the slaves to practice using the armor, and even allowed them more training time than their predecessors. They not only learned how to move and stop quickly in bonemold, but how to adjust their peripheral vision to see a blow before it came, and to sway to dodge, and where the sturdiest reinforcement points on the arm were the center of the chest and the abdomen and how to position themselves to take blows there, against their natural instincts. The slaves even had time for a mock battle before being sent out among the cannibals.

    The slaves handled themselves admirably. Very few, just fifteen slaves, were killed and eaten out right. Only ten were killed and eaten when they reached the river. That was when things did not go according to Arslic Oans plans. Twenty-one slaves with jars of water took off for the hills. Only eight returned to the castle, largely because they were blocked by the cannibal Nords. It was a larger percentage than he had anticipated surviving, but Arslic Oan felt righteous indignation at the paucity of loyalty.

    Are you absolutely certain you wouldnt rather flee? he hollered from the battlements.

    Finally, he allowed the survivors in. Three had been killed waiting for the gate to open. Two more died almost upon stepping into the courtyard. One was delirious, walking around in circles, laughing and dancing before suddenly collapsing. That meant five jars of water for four people, the two surviving slaves, Arslic Oan, and Gorkith. As the lord of the manor, Arslic Oan took the extra jar, but he was democratic with the others.

    Youre quite correct, frowned Garaz. This story is getting more and more appalling.

    Just wait, smiled Hallgerd.

    The next morning (Hallgerd continued) Arslic Oan awoke to a perfectly still and quiet stronghold. There was no murmuring in the corridors, no sound of hard labor in the courtyard. He dressed and surveyed the scene. It appeared that the fortress was utterly deserted. Arslic Oan walked down to the armorers quarters, but the door was locked.

    Open up, said Arslic Oan, patiently. We need to speak. Thirty out of fifty-four slaves successfully made it to the river and gathered water. Admittedly, some then fled, and a couple didnt survive because I needed to correct their fickleness, but mathematically, thats a fifty-five percent survival rate. If you and I and the two remaining slaves made the next run to the river, we two should survive.

    Zilian and Gelo left last night with their armor, cried Gorklith through the door.

    Who are Zilian and Gelo?

    The two remaining slaves! They dont remain anymore!

    Well, thats vexing, said Arslic Oan. Still we must continue on. Mathematically

    I heard something last night, whimpered Gorklith in a funny voice. Like footsteps, only different, and they were moving through the walls. And there were voices too. They sounded strange, like they couldnt move their jaws very well, but I knew one.

    Arslic Oan sighed, humoring his poor armorer: And who was it?

    Ponik.

    And who is Ponik?

    One of the slaves that died when the Nords poisoned our water. One of the many, many slaves that died, and we made use of. He was always a nice, uncomplaining fellow, thats why I noticed his voice above all the others, Gorklith began to sob. I understood what he was saying.

    Which was what? asked Arslic Oan with a sigh.

    Give me back my bones! Gorkliths voice shrieked. There was silence for a moment, and then more hysterical sobbing.

    I saw that coming, laughed Xiomara.

    There was nothing more to be done with the armorer for the time being (said Hallgerd, a trifle annoyed at the regular interruptions), so Arslic Oan stripped one of the dead slaves of his suit of bonemold and put it on. He practiced in the courtyard, impressing himself with his natural comfortably with medium weight armor. For hours, he boxed, feinted, dodged, sprinted, skipped, jumped, and generally cavorted about. When he felt tired, he retired to the shade and took a nap.

    The sound of the kings trumpet woke him with a start. Night had fallen, and for a moment, he thought he had been dreaming. Then the alarum sounded again, far in the distance, but clear. Arslic Oan leapt to his feet and ran to the ramparts. Several miles away, he could see the emissaries and their vast and well-armed escort approach. They were there early! The cannibal Nords below looked at one another with consternation. Savages they might be, but they knew when a superior force was approaching.

    Arslic Oan joyously dashed down the stairs to Gorkliths chamber. The door was still locked. He beat on it, cajoling, demanding, threatening. Finally, he found a key, one of the few scraps of metal that had not been smelted days before.

    Gorklith appeared to be sleeping, but as Arslic Oan approached, he noticed that the armorers mouth and eyes were wide open and his arms were folded unnaturally behind his back. On closer inspection, the armorer was obviously dead. What was more, his face and whole body were sunken, like an empty pigs bladder.

    Something moved through the walls, like a footfall only squishy. Arslic Oan expertly and gracefully turned to face it, completely in balance.

    At first, it seemed like nothing more than a bubble expanding through one of the cracks in the stone. As more of the flesh-colored gelatinous matter emerged, it more clearly resembled part of a face. A flaccid, almost shapeless face with a low brow and a slack, toothless jaw. The rest of the body oozed out of the crack, a soft bag of muscle and blood. Behind Arslic Oan and to the side, there was more movement, more slaves welling up through the cracks in the stone. They were all around him, reaching out.

    Give us, moaned Ponik, his tongue rolling about his hanging jaw. Give us back our bones.

    Arslic Oan began to rip off his bonemold, throwing it to the floor. A hundred figures, more, pooled into the small chamber.

    Thats not enough.

    The cannibals had cleared away by the time the kings emissaries arrived at Arslic Oans gates. They had not been looking forward to this visit. It was best, they though philosophically, to begin with the worst of the kings noblemen, so to end their trip well. They sounded the alarum once again, but the gates did not open. There was no sound from Arslic Oans stronghold.

    It took a few hours to gain access. If the emissaries had not brought a professional acrobat with them for entertainment, it might have taken longer. The place seemed to be abandoned. They searched every room, until finally they came to the armorers.

    There they found the master of the manor, folded neatly, legs behind his head, arms behind the legs, like a fine gown. Not a bone in his body.

    The first part of your story was complete nonsense, cried Xiomara. But now it doesnt hold true on any level. How could bonemold be made again if the armorer who invented it died before he could tell anyone how he did it?

    I said that this was the first time it was created, not the first time people learned the craft.

    And when did someone first teach someone else the craft? asked Garaz.

    That, my friends, replied Hallgerd with a sinister smile. Is a tale for another night.

    Yeah, that was a pretty nice story. Didnt read it, though.

  635. Too bad. You know what? Neither did I. :D

  636. I thought you’d never post again dude. Try to keep the posts to at least one every month.

  637. The Green Lantern says:

    Let’s just move that comment to the top of the pile.

    That’s where it belongs.

  638. vadermath says:

    In fact, lets move the whole fucking pile, I’m tired of scrolling down.

  639. Why scroll down when you can only pull down the slider to the left? That way you get to the bottom in like, 3 seconds.

  640. The Green Lantern says:

    Just think how long it will take when we get to 1000.

    Like, 3 seconds!

  641. I love you guys!

  642. I am amazed by the amount that this comment section expands. I was away for one bloody day and already KingFrozen is scarred for life, vademath returns, we all mention horrible, terrible videos and images and I have to scroll through another like five thousand comments.

    Anyway, L4D DLC is free on XBox! I am very happy. System Link rocks!

  643. KingFrozen says:

    Midget, no one cares!

    @ michael – I lub you too
    @ green – wow… 3 seconds

    and i am totally scarred. WTF were you thinking posting tub girl! at least no one has posted something about meatspin

  644. KingFrozen says:

    Oh god… look what I’ve done…

  645. See, now that took like three minutes.

    At this rate of growth, in three years we will have taken over the internet! Get cracking!

  646. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    i know what meatspin is no-one do it pleaseokaythankyougoodbye.

    in other news, some comments on the tales of somewhat interesting plots im churning out would be great, im actually pouring some good humor in there.
    Also that long story was too long and boring so i dnr. sorry.

  647. vadermath says:

    Midget, the Net is ours! Just as long as Chris keeps expanding the comment section. And as for the Xbox, no one cares.

  648. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    i care! im a 360 person, at least until i get my awesome new laptop that can play crisis. not that i will actually buy crisis. it would probably take up all the awesomeness and make the other games crap.

  649. vadermath says:

    I would buy one (I have nothing against consoles), but they’re too expensive in my country. An ultra PC is much more affordable here, so most people stick with that.

  650. Addicted says:

    My PC sucks. The only thing it can play without crashing is the Sims 2, which I keep running continuously because it takes about five hours to load and the computer can’t do anything else anyway. No internet, and I can’t load anymore games to it or it will probably explode in a fireball of destruction.

    My X-box, however, is my adoptive parent. I love it like a father. It hasn’t crashed on me yet, it plays all of my favorite games, and it hasn’t showed me the Red Rings of Death- yet.

  651. Addicted says:

    Oh, and talking about gaming did anyone see the new C.O.D. Modern Warfare 2 trailer? It’s freaky and scary and so damn awesome!

  652. vadermath says:

    I did, and I utterly agree.

  653. vadermath says:

    It teases better then webcam girls.

  654. The Green Lantern says:

    I have a PS3.

    *shields up*

  655. I have a PS1!
    Beat that, huh!

  656. I have a NINTENDO64!!!!!!

    and it still works, any one here play super smash bros?

  657. Super Smash Bros…. Ness is a bastard. So I use him alot.

    oh, yeah, vadermath, apparantly people DO care.

  658. The Green Lantern says:

    Melee is still my favorite Super Smash Bros.

    Fox FTW.

  659. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    fuck man i love my nintendo 64! but i can go one better! i have a motherfucking SEGA! beat that!

    also, on the cod modern warfare 2: FUCK YEAH.
    i also appear to be swearing a lot more fuckin’ often.

  660. KingFrozen says:

    Yeah, dude stop swearing

    its fucking annoying (seewotidunthere?)

    i had a sega, but then my parents threw it out, so i just downloaded sonic for my 360

  661. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    its been three months since last nondrick, so to tide you over for another 3, here’s yet another
    TALE OF SOMEWHAT INTERESTING PLOTS!

    The mudcrab advanced and nondrick held his sword ready in a ready position. ready. he attacked using the different sword maneuvres, like ‘Bird eats the Fish’ and ‘Fish eats the Bird’ and of course, the ever powerful ‘Fishbird conquers the Universe’. with these forms, he was an unstoppable killing machine, slaughtering thousands of plants and rocks and plant-rocks as the mudcrab stayed just out of range. Range! Of course! switching to his bow, he took careful aim at the mudcrab three meters away. the mudcrab had sprained a pincer and so was moving towards nondrick at the formiddable speed of three milimetres per second! Nondrick loosed an arrow and it went wide, hitting the tree behind nondrick. without stopping to contemplate exactly how that was possible, he fired another, hitting the count of skingrad in the left testicle, despite him being three thousand miles away and in a castle. the third and final shot SLAMMED into the mudcrab! ‘s cousin! the mudcrabs cousin susies face-thing exploded in a big explodation, showering everyone nearby with BRAAAIIIINS! oh no! zombies were rising from the dirt around them, despite the impossible fact that anyone was ever buried there!

    what will hapen?!? find out next time on…

    TALES OF SOMEWHAT INTERESTING PLOTS!

  662. Zombies are teh suck. Good thing my Redguard has disease resistance.

  663. The Green Lantern says:

    @KingFrozen

    WISE FWOM YO GWAVE!!!

  664. Hey, Putzy, keep doing SOMEWHAT INTERESTING PLOTS, they’re pretty funny. Always brings a smile to my face.
    Me before : :( Me after: :) and if it’s really good,
    :D

  665. KingFrozen - apparently zombified says:

    Why should i get out of my perfectly comfortable grave? Undeath and a laptop, what more could zombie want?

  666. In other news, I made a group for us on a completely unrelated site: Rooster Teeth! It’s here: (http://rvb.roosterteeth.com/groups/profile.php?id=4515) Please join, if possible. I’m very lonely.

    Also, what kind of Neo-Post-Modern grave has a laptop in it?

  667. Woah! What happened to my last comment? All spread out, DUUUUUuuuuuuUUUUUuuuuuUUDe…..

  668. vadermath says:

    Oh all right you cruddy bastards, I admit. I have a fucking SNES, and play Super Mario every fucking day. And Mario Kart. Happy?

  669. I’ve joined your group Midget52! Be happy :)

  670. YAY!

    Well, actually, Id be more happy if I hadn’t just stayed up all night writing a speech due tommorrow (Or, actually, technically today now).

    Still, YAY! Buddy club! Group hug! *Crushes Michael’s rib cage by accident*

  671. Ouch! My rib cage!

    YAY ANYWAY! *hugs back and ‘accidentaly’ punctures Midget’s lungs*

    Uhm.. sorry?

  672. RISE YOUR BANNERS!

    Bow down For the king is to pas! Bow down you Yes you with the blood gushing out of its stomach! Bow down! Do it now!!

    *skips by*

    I have returned to ye all my punny group friends *mad laughter ensued*

    now…PIZZA TIME!

  673. vadermath says:

    I have today made my greatest discovery on how to tame angry babies. You see, my little sister is terribly afraid of two things: snails and gypsies. And so, today I scared her with the worst thing imaginable: Gypsy Snail! This has created her a new arch-nemesis, which should make her stop biting me for a while… In short, life is good.

  674. Hello, Tharron. *ignores fanfare* How’s things?

  675. Hey guys … what the hell are you up to?

    675+ comments? Jesus christ! This looks like the dawn of a cult!

  676. Yo Aspgren. I like your blog. I read it everytime I remember to (Which is not so often, due to my short-term memory loss due to the fact I play too many games)

  677. MaleAlphaThree says:

    Shouldn’t we all be doing what Chris is doing? Playing more Fallout 3 and Left 4 Dead than is healthy for any person.

    I finally picked up Fallout 3 and I can guarantee I’ll be playing it for maybe a month. Left 4 Dead is timeless.

  678. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    a cult? no no no…… this is a religion! and I’m the pope, the chief rabbi, and the serious ayatola!

  679. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    also, michael gets promoted to vice president of this religion for liking my stories!

  680. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    despite the fact that I have no ideas and will probably spend like three hours staring at the screen trying to come up with something, heres another

    TALE OF SOMEWHAT INTERESTING PLOTS!

    The knife whistled through the air, which is quite extraordinary, considering it has no lips and cant breathe. Quick as a lightning bolt that had been struck by lightning, Nondrick raised his hand, shielding his face. This proved to be futile, as the knife stabbed into his gut, missing his head by inches. Nonny sighed in relief and in doing so accidentally expelled blood from most orifices. It wasn’t pretty. But then, this is Nondrick we are talking about, so the blood drenched aforementioned orifices actually made him sexier. Um. Somehow. Ladies passing by turned back for second looks, although that was probably because of the knife lodged in his stomach, or the whole ‘shitting and pissing blood’ thing. One of the two. Certainly not for his blood soaked sexiness. Nondrick fell to his knees, and another knife stabbed into his liver, causing his cholesterol levels to skyrocket! Nondrick was fast running out of organs and blood, so if he had any hope of living, he had to find the Cure For Incontinance, a legendary potion made by the man standing next to Nondrick. Huh. Thats quite lucky. The strange man in a trench coat gave him the potion, and Nondrick was about to drink it when- *shlop*! NONDRICK HAD SHAT OUT HIS SPLEEN. Without stopping to allow more organs escape or thinking about how it is even possible if the spleen isnt connected to the digestive tract, nondrick dispensed with pleasentries, biting straight into the poition and chowing down. Then glass cut his mouth up somethin’ bad, but he had to endure if he wanted to live. Swallowing his last painful gulp, he only now realised what the label said. KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN. wait, not that part! this part! LAXITIVES – WE’LL CLEAN YOU OUT! Nondrick gasped in horror, and he hadn’t even realised just how impossible it was for him to read the label if he had eaten it!
    WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? find out next time on…

    TALES OF SOMEWHAT INTERESTING PLOTS!

  681. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    phew! that actually turned out pretty good! and i only stared at the screen for forty minutes!

  682. vadermath says:

    Nice to know, Putzy.

  683. Thanks my lord(Putzy)! Another refreshing TALE OF SOMEWHAT INTERESTING PLOTS! It’ appreciated. :)

  684. ah yes im doing pretty well these TALE OF SOMEWHAT INTERESTING PLOTS! are pretty interesting…do we have to really shout everytime we say TALE OF SOMEWHAT INTERESTING PLOTS ?

    good to be back :P

  685. Of course we have to shout! It’s all about the shoutness! And you know what? Shouting is kind of crazy, and this forum is all about the crazyness! So I guess crazyness and shoutness is good here. And I’m already looking forward for another TALE OF SOMEWHAT INTERESTING PLOTS!.

  686. vadermath says:

    I WISH YOU PEOPLE WOULD STOP WITH THE FUCKING SHOUTING!

  687. vadermath says:

    Which reminds me, do you know how little Chris cares about us, and this blog? He hasn’t event bothered to update the “My other Sites” to include First-Person-Shouter!. Yeah. It’s a new low for us.

  688. Really? What the heck man! That’s like.. unacceptable!

  689. Chris has forsaken us…

  690. Y’know, I’ve been a long time follower of his blogs for five months and I deserve respect! RESPECT!!!

  691. Anonymous says:

    Yo hablo en espaol. Yo tom una apuesta de me hermano. Es muy difcil.

    Adis,

    Adicto

  692. Joeman ( I'm back baby!) says:

    Ahhh. The old Hiatus Crew. How you fools been hanging?

  693. Anonymous says:

    Ok, I’m speaking in English just to say this one thing:

    Joeman- you suck. Leave and never come back.

    Sinceramente,

    Adicto

  694. Ahh, Addicted. My old enemy. Time to re-open old wounds, it it?

    Fine then.

    YOU suck!

  695. Anonymous says:

    JERK-O!!!!!

    Tu Mama es muy gorda, y feo.

  696. Well YOUR mother is a….um……..smelly-o, cancer-o on-o society-o .

    So There.

  697. The Green Lantern says:

    Snap.

  698. The Green Lantern says:

    He told you, Adicto.

  699. Ai Ai AI! Adicto ! tu no eres kanando asina ariba tu no!?!

    Translation: oh Oh Oh! Adicted! your not letting them walk over you liek that are you

    Let me cary your banner to war! *lifts banner*

    Now off we go! Shift in the cannons! Bring in the baby lead!

  700. Anonymous says:

    A GUERRA!

  701. Anonymous says:

    700 Comentarios!

  702. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    ah that was fun basking in praise earlier. god knows, if theres one thing better than sex and chocolate and spaggeti bolognase, its praise. Or mybe chicken cathatori. hell i dont know.

  703. @Tharron: I read that as “let me carry your boner to war.”

    It’s late.

  704. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    EDIT MY LAST COMMENT: turns out I forgot to mention money. the list now goes: sex,money,chocolate,spageti, chicken catchatori, THEN praise. sorry for the mix up.

    anyway, heres another
    TALE OF SOMEWHAT INTERESTING PLOTS!

    As Nondrick gazed over the rolling hills, he bagan to think about things. Normally, this would require quite a lot of effort, but he had just benched 600 and was a fucking MACHINE. Slowly, the rare thoughts that floated through the vast emptiness of his mind became clearer, one of them turning into a distant memory, of when he had been left of someones doorstep as a baby, the prettiest baby you had ever seen. But a series of unfortunate events(!) led to his fish-facification. For the owner of the house oped the door, and it smashed into Nondrick, killing half his brain cells in one fell swoop! The wack also threw him into the garden, where a friendly yet quiet midget was pretending to be a statue. That midget was like a father to Nondrick as he grew, at least until Nonny turned 3, and he realised it was in fact a garden gnome. Disheartended, Nondrick stumbled out of the garden that had been his home, and saw the sea. It turned out that the house had long ago fallen off the very unstable cliff it had been perched on. Why the hell anyone would build there is really the question, but then folks, this is the same person who had slammed a door into a newborn babys face, so you cant really expect the next fucking einstein, can you?
    Anyway, Nondrick saw the sea, and he liked what he did see did he. Indeed. Um. Yes. Nondrick walked up the the edge and saw a massive fish leap into the air and impale itself on a rock. That dumb-as-shit fish was, and is, Nondricks hero. So, with his life plan to become a fish, and maybe sell potions of fruit smooshed together on the side, Nondrick set out at the age of three, into the wilderness with nothing but an extremely soiled diaper and a sand rock that would disintegrate if even the slightest pressure was applied(which it did about two minutes into the trip).
    Over the years, Nondricks body digivolved into an adult and he finally could afford that surgery that would free him from his dashing good looks so he would become accepted by Fishkind. He was called mad by the mocking crowds, but Nonny stuck to his dream, knowing only becoming an extremely ugly Human-Fish hybrid would bring him true happiness. Right? Right. Everyone knows that. Nondrick didn’t understand the people though. He couldn’t imagine why anyone WOULDN’T want to become a fish! It was just so strange! This may have been due to the fact that while his body grew, his mind sort of….well….lagged behind. You know… the lights on but no-ones home? The ovens running but nothings cooking? Right now we would call him a wackjob, but back then, they had a more respectful medical name for it. They called him Wabbajob. Of course, wackjob actually descended from the medical name, so theres not that much difference. So Nondrick got the surgery and was shunned by people and fish alike, causing an epidemic of nausea when word of his face spread across the country. Finally, with no hope left, he boarded a boat to Cyrodil, where he would dock in Anvil that fateful night…..

    That was DIFFERENT THAN USUAL was it not? Nevertheless, you have learned the story of Nondricks beginnings, from when he TOOK A DOOR TO THE FACE till he got the surgery to look like a fish! Tune in next time for more…

    TALES OF SOMEWHAT INTERESTING PLOTS!

  705. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    FUN FACT!
    The surgery was actually five men in tiger costumes beating Nondrick with dead fish!

  706. @ Putzy:
    Thanks for another TALE OF SOMEWHAT INTERESTING PLOTS!!
    And now I’ve learnt something new about ol’ Nonny! Thanks a bunch, Putzy!

    @ Joeman:
    You’re friggin’ back dude! I’ve missed you! And, I’ll join your side of the war, dunno why, but that’s what I’ll do! But I’m the kinda peaceful vampire sort, so I’ll probably try and settle some peace between you and Addicted. That’s nice. And on a side note, when did you start following this blog?

  707. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    I live to give!

  708. hey michael, i looked at your channel on youtube. you call that hentai? MY NAME is hentai! yeah, ive been sitting on that link for ages, planning to trick someone into going there. But….*sniff*I… have to let….it…..go….*sob*

  709. Hey Putzy! The reason for me not having ‘real’ hentai on YouTube is that I once had a hentai video, but it was removed by YouTube and I’m still sucking on that warning they gave me! Well anyway, checked out the link on your name, and it was actually quite good. Click my name for some good hentai too! :D (only for this post though)

  710. Great huh?

  711. Addicted says:

    How about this, Joeman, you murderous evil villain, you give me a hundred bucks and two tickets to a helicopter ride over a volcano and I’ll let you back on the Hiatus pages. Okay?

  712. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    that link was good michael, but this is hardly the place to distribute cartoon porn. Nevertheless, anyone reading will now have access to porn! there could be children here!

  713. @ Putzy:
    Yeah, I also thought that it might be wrong to post links to porn here. But anyways, now it’s here and it can’t be removed. At least not by us. Hopefully we will not get banned! :D Well anyways, ECCHI, FOR EVERYONE- sounds good doesn’t it? Yea. Ecchi, now they won’t know what we’re talking about :)

  714. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    haha yeah! it like our own language!

  715. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    god I feel like such a fourteen year old.

  716. vadermath says:

    Joeman’s back? Fucking yes. And now we only need Max and Washcloth, and the crew will be completely back online. With some new additions, of course ;)

  717. Yeah! Soon is the time of the whole Hiatus crew! Long live the Hiatus Crew!

  718. The Green Lantern says:

    I am also happy to see you back Joeman.

    In celebration, let us drink til my dog becomes a bucket for me to puke in.

  719. Tharron says:

    …Thats what i said…wasnt it?…its seems pretty heavy and as you said … it is late :P

    Hail joeman! … *gulps down strong ale and starts a search for Green Lantern’s dog*

    Ecchi…he..he…*epic evil laughter ensued*

  720. Tharron. Strong ale is not good for you! How many times do I need to tell you that?

  721. vadermath says:

    Apparently not enough…

  722. No. Apparently not. Well, *sigh*, Tharron! DON’T DRINK STRONG ALE AND WATCH ECCHI AFTER, IT’S NOOT(!) GOOD FOR YOU! Phew, enough shouting!

  723. What happened to washcloth and max?

  724. The Green Lantern says:

    I’m thinking they were lured with hookers and babies (always a good combination) to another comment section.

  725. For Pony says:

    Or perhaps baby hookers.

  726. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    jesus guys could we keep the noise down? I drank so much last night I-ugh….*bruurp* oh—ohgod *brleaaagh*

  727. The Green Lantern says:

    MY SHOES!!!

  728. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    sorry, couldn’t get to a bucket in time.

  729. vadermath says:

    Well, Lantern’s shoes do look like buckets…and the size is about right…Yeah, I’m thinking you weren’t that far off, Putzy.

  730. The Green Lantern says:

    And you guys know what they say about guys who’s feet look like buckets, and the size is about right, right?

  731. vadermath says:

    Enlighten me?

  732. The Green Lantern says:

    They mostly say nice things, like “that guy is a gentleman and a scholar”.

  733. The Green Lantern, are you a scholar of some sort?

  734. vadermath says:

    Nay, I think he is a gentleman.

  735. A gentleman? How surprising. Thanks for telling me vadermath!

  736. The Green Lantern says:

    See?

  737. This place just falls apart without me, doesn’t it?

    Welcome back Joeman.

  738. HEY! We are on the internets! I was casually browsing TV Tropes (My raging social life had a rare lull.(Yeah, i don’t even believe that myself.)) when i noticed something.

    http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SeriesHiatus

    OMG!

  739. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    yeah, I’m not clicking that until I see court appointed proof.

  740. Addicted says:

    OMG!

    Dios mio!

    Too bad it didn’t mention the Hiatus people going crazy about it and then starting to kill babies.

  741. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    heh heh. oh, hello. I didn’t see you there. please come, have a seat. Let me tell you why I’m laughing.
    I am laughing, young traveler, because the comments on fps have run out of time. Thats right, the 7 day time limit is up, and they are now closed. Yes, yes, it is a reason to laugh, isn’t it? Because we have no such limit! Thus they are left alone on their homepages, unable to talk to each other! Its okay, you can join in too! Hah hah ha haaah!

  742. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    good GOD im good at writing. I just amaze myself everyday.

  743. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    sorry for the triple post, but this is another…

    TALE OF SOMEWHAT INTERESTING PLOTS!

    The swrods flashed and clanged as they struck each other, causing sparks to fly around, setting the two swordsmen on fire! If Nondrick possesed the ability to articulate rational thoughts, he would have said “Gee, I sure am glad that I’m not one of them!”
    And he SHOULD be glad, folks, as the two flaming swordsmen were soon trampled by the stampeding atronach from a previous TALE! Once again, Nondricks inabilty to form and use intelligent thoughts prevented him from saying “WHAT THE FUCK?!?”
    Suddenly, a fish came flying out of the middle part of air and sliced off the atronachs head! It was crazy shit all round, keep em comin’, as more and more things from the previous TALES began flying out of crazy-ass places! there were testicles EVERYWHERE.
    It was a gay mans dream come disgusting! There way shit flying ERRRVRYWERE.

  744. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    noo! i pressed submit too early!
    my masterpiece! it is….RUINED!
    *sobbing uncontollably*

  745. The Green Lantern says:

    I don’t think you can ruin those anymore.

    SNAPS!!!

  746. Addicted says:

    Burn!

  747. vadermath says:

    Fuck, even I felt it.

  748. The Green Lantern says:

    I love this place. Even though were kinda squatting on it. But I wouldn’t take any other group of people in the world to hijack a comments section.

    Huzzah to the Hiatus crew.

    Long live Max and Washcloth, wherever they may be.

  749. Huzzah!

  750. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    awww you guys are mean! That one was gonna be good! i thought you liked my TALES! I’m running away!

  751. Addicted says:

    Poor Putzy. Great going guys, now we’re missing Max, Washcloth and Putzy.

  752. Well, I could use my second personality, Midget53. He could Fill in.

  753. Midget53 says:

    there is no bloody way i am doing that. i will not lower myself down to your level for the sake of a stupid joke.

  754. I think we will get along just nicely.

  755. I need to catch up on all the inside jokes that are going on here. I’ve been away for far too long.

  756. That wasn’t an inside joke. You have just witnessed the birth of a recurring joke. Congratulations. I will now list the current inside jokes:

    Infantonium

    Chrus

    The goat

    Baby killing

    Vampirism

    Ninjas

    eechi?

    and, now, Midgets 1 through 53.

  757. Yes! I know most of them!

    By the way, do we have a Hiatus Bible?

    How about this:

    The Hiatus Bible

    As Told By Joeman

    Chapter 1

    IN The Beginning, there was the Internet. But it was not the Internet as we know it today, for it was filled with meaningless information and boring websites, that neither stimulated the mind nor ticked the funny bone. And humanity was doomed to experience these websites, to witness their contents, and to think that this mediocre drivel was the best the internet could offer.

    HOWEVER, The Great Chris, a man who was wise and knowledgeable, saw through this facade. And so he decided to put His Great Works on the Internet, so that humanity could realize the true nature of great work, and realize that it was not the shit they were watching or reading.

    SO, Chris decided to put his works on the internet. On the first day, he created the sacred texts of Not My Desk, a collection of autobiographical accounts of his life as a temp agent. And They Were Good.

    ON the second day, he created the even more scared texts of Concerned: The Half Life and Death Of Gordon Frohman, which told about the life of the Prophet Frohman, whose epic odyssey became the stuff of legend. And It Was Supah Good.

    ON the third day he created the kinda sacred texts of 1Fort, which documented the second half of The Great Chriss life. Also he talked about video games and other stuff. AND IT WAS GOOD, TOO.

    BUT, on the fourth day, The Great And Mighty Chris created the ridiculously sacred texts of LIVING IN OBLIVION, which documented the life and times of his only son, Nondrick, who was put on the earth to pick berries and make potions and do mostly nothing at all. AND IT WAS SO GOOD THAT WHEN READING IT, MANY PEOPLE EJACULATED IN THEIR PANTS RIGHT THEN AND THERE!

    AND everything was good.

  758. wow. that is pretty damn fantastic. Also, if Nondrick was MY only son, I would probably put him into a world full of terror with nothing but an apple and a dagger as well. just for kicks.

  759. Midget53 says:

    If he was mine, I would take Midget52′s only son and do that too. We have so much in common!

  760. Midget51 says:

    Hey, would you guys shut up, I’m trying to sleep!

    Wait, I meant perfect Quantum Theory. I always get those mixed up.

  761. you think its annoying now, wait until all 53 of us comment at once.

  762. vadermath says:

    Oh Midgets 51 and 53, shut the hell up! This feels like the Simpsons Homer the Clone episode. Anyway, let us continue

    The Hiatus Bible

    As told by Vadermath.

    Chapter 2

    And so, with the creation of the ridiculously sacred texts of LIO (Living in Oblivion), there was peace and prosperity amongst the fans of The Great and Mighty Chris. With his divineness (I fully realize this is not a word) updating the Holy Blog of LIO, every being on earth (including Nondrick) was satisfied. But on one terrible, gruesome day, the GMC (Great and Mighty Chris) suddenly disappeared from the Holy Realm of LIO. Great turmoil aroused amongst his fans, until they realized the terrible truth: they were the only ones abandoned. With GMC being active and helping his other creation, 1fort, the commoners of LIO were left for dead (all pun intended). And so, everything seemed dead and dark, until the GMC sent one last message to his followers: Hiatus. Yes, with this sacred parchment he warned his people of a long, desperate wait for his Holiness to act upon LIO once more. And then there was chaos. People were afraid, and the wait was longer then anyone expected. But amidst all that darkness, a small light appeared: The Hiatus Gang. This group of dreamers dared blackmail GMC to act once more, by murdering thousands of infants, gathering Infantonium. A small part of them even turned themselves into vampires…

  763. vadermath says:

    And guys, I’m leaving. I really see no point to our little group now that Chris has abandoned this blog. It’s been one hell of a ride, bye.

  764. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    *jaw drops comically* your LEAVING? WTFBBQ
    anyway, that bible thing is funny. anyone mind if i do a chapter sometime?

  765. The Green Lantern says:

    The Hiatus Bible

    Chapter 3

    As told by The Green Lantern (In the style of Michael Bay)

    The Hiatus Crew sprung into action! Thousands of tiny lives ended in a *EXPLOSION* at the worlds largest day care. And yet, GMC did not care because he was a *TRANSFORMING ROBOT*. The Hiatus Crew battled him in an *INTENSE BATTLE FOR THE SAKE OF HUMANITY* and eventually, Max and Washcloth lost they’re lives. But they did not die in vain. At the last minute, they summoned *TORNADOS OF BLOOD*.

    And thus, A Bitter Brew came to be…

    * = awesomeness

  766. Addicted says:

    What, you really didn’t realize that he left this blog a long time ago? It’s been dead for months. No offense, Chris. But seriously, he didn’t even put up a new “Weekend Shout Out” thing on First Person Shouter. I mean, c’mon!

    Look, I’m a big Chris fan. I haven’t always been their, in fact I started reading his stuff in the middle of 1fort. But I’ve read all of NotMyDesk, read Concerned multiple times, as well as this blog. But I can’t help but feel angry when we don’t get anything for a couple of weeks. It’s been months for LiO. Seriously, how hard is it to play Oblivion, then right up a couple of paragraphs on what happened?

    I dunno. Maybe it’s harder then it looks. I’ve never been able to write a blog.

  767. The Green Lantern says:

    In unrelated news

    ITS MY MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHDAY!!!

  768. vadermath says:

    Happy birthday, my leaving was a joke :). April Fools! I know what you’re thinking, it’s April the 4th. Well, If I did it on the 1st, it would’ve been easy to predict. So Addicted, you can calm down now ;)

  769. Addicted says:

    Well, I was angry at Chris not you, so I CANNOT CALM DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Oh, and Happy Birthday. Unless it isn’t your birthday and your just pranking us. If so, shut up.

  770. *BOOM*

  771. The Green Lantern says:

    I’m glad you’re not leaving, vadermath.

    What would I have done with all the birthday babies?

  772. vadermath says:

    BIRTHDAY BABIES! Oh, if only Max were here…

  773. Addicted says:

    Face it Vadermath, he’s gone. He’s probably dead. Or maybe he got a life. Same thing/

  774. The Green Lantern says:

    I knew a guy who got one of those once.

    I haven’t seen him in seven years.

  775. vadermath says:

    God bless his soul…

  776. KingFrozen says:

    Am i the only one who will welcome all the little midgets?

    ok, Welcome my pint sized friends

    also, nice work on the bible and keep it up… i’d help but i’m not very funny

    I miss max too, even though i never really met him, or talked to him or even read his name in this post but i feel like i really knew him, and i hope that the 20K he had in his will is given to all those he loved, like me and midget54 (thats right, there was one even midget didn’t know about!)

  777. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    im not happy about the no-updates, but I know that as soon as he posts something good, i will fall straight back to the beginning.

  778. Me and my other personalities are much happier now that vadermath has returned. I think these comments could almost surpass Nondrick in humour and all that other stuff.

    Also, Midget54? Not one of MY personalities!

  779. That’s what YOU think

  780. Midget53 says:

    Crap. There is barely enough space in here as it is. thanks alot, KingFrozen. Go stick your head in a drawer.

  781. Midget51 says:

    Thats neither eloquent nor polite, 53.

  782. Midget01 says:

    DuuuuuUUUUuuuuUUUuuuDe. Chill. Too much conflict is bad for the soul.

  783. At least I’ll never be lonely.

  784. Tharron says:

    Hey dudes! Listen to mey OMG STORY OF TOTAL YEAAAH!

    (the TALES OF AMOST INTERESTING PLOTS inspired me)
    (and happy bi day lantern)

    Duds today was a normal day as all normal days i went to the carnival…yes the carnival. there were hot Chi..ken wings and drunk steaming sweaty hobos… so as i passed my day with throwing garbage at bystanders i hear gunshots. i run towards the sound… and there i suddenly was in the middle of a gunfight a pistol in hand (WTHOKTHANKYOUGOODBYEBBQ) shooting at these man en …Blue suits … why blue i dont know i was gonna say black but ok since this is all “true” i must go with the “true” way of “true” talking. so there i was shooting out protecting the hot chicken… girl… i was gonna say girl… i search for a ways of escape i look left,right,…up,down,kinda to the left and down and kinda to the lefd and up. and then i taught WTFOKTANKYOUGOODBYEBBQ i turn to the hot chick whos standing…next to a van! OMGYEAHWHOPER! i jump in and push the petal to the metal. my face saddens as i see i crushe dthe beautiful petal tree. corecting my mistake i press the pedal to the metal! shouting out KISS MY LEET RADIATING GREEN ASS! forcing my way *a bit like the force* trough trafic (imagin cars being thrown up in the sky over the railings) suddenly! bullets! and bunnies! hit the car a bullet missed and a bunnie crushed the tire! Omg noo! The van started sliding and it was a fus to get it straight! but finally i did my mates throw open the back doors of the white van and start a shootout! im trying to concentrate at the road when suddenly!

    My door sweeps open and there was! Midget 2940004Itouch.you4903 he pulls me out and there i am a fight with swords hanging on to the door sparks of…my boots on the floor spark up enlighting the insane large numbered midget! after a rough struggle i get bakc in the van and crash down the road!

    Yeah so that was my day.. how bout yours?

    Btw…this life thing…its scary…i lost…so.many people! *sob sob sob*

  785. Tharron says:

    i really wonder how much we still have to go…

  786. I hate you, Addicted.

  787. vadermath says:

    I hate all the Midgets. Except 01. For some reason, he’s starting to appeal to me…

  788. I’m glad at least part of me is appealing. It makes me feel loved. Slightly.

  789. Midget01 says:

    vadermath, dude. Feel the love. I’m just part of a bigger cause, man. Midget01, 02, they’re all the same.

  790. Midget02 says:

    I am completely insulted by that ridiculous comment. I am NOTHING like the other personalities. I have charm, sophistication, eloquence and charm! If you could, I would divorce this mind and move in with someone with class.

  791. Midget34 says:

    Given that there are alot of us in here, one of us needs to keep track of the others. Guess who got stuck with that. Not all of us speak Enlish, either. The paperwork is incredible.

  792. Midget18 says:

    ?? ??? ??, ?????? ?? ??????

  793. Midget52 says:

    I’ve decided to remove the forum address from my name. Find it yourselves, you lazy bastards.

  794. vadermath says:

    Who was the original Midget, again?

  795. KingFrozen - apparently zombified says:

    I believe the original was 01, or 0.5 but the one we know and love is 52. I like 54, but i don’t know how often he will show up.

  796. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    um, tharron, you do know I can sue you for illegally reproducing my shit. its in the fine print.
    btw, i love all the multiple midgets talking to each other, its pretty funny

  797. Tharron says:

    awh nobody likes my story you guys SUCK! now *goes in to hiding* and no im not behind the curtains and yes i tried the closet but there wasnt an other world there just some dusted up sex toys *barf*

    (and th story was just an act of boredom)

  798. Addicted says:

    According to my translator, Midget 18 said, “For a providence love, expel me from here,” in Korean. I have no frickin idea what that means.

  799. Addicted says:

    Oh, and I hate you too, Joeman.

  800. vadermath says:

    I think you might have stumbled on a terrible truth, Addicted: The Korean Midget is gay.

  801. The Green Lantern says:

    There is a non-gay midget?

  802. vadermath says:

    Hey! Stop with the racism! Not all little people are gay…and yes, I consider little people a race.

  803. who cares about the midgets update this blog!

  804. vadermath says:

    Don’t you dare insult the fucking midgets!

  805. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    anyone know a way to make the squares turn into actual letters?

  806. KingFrozen - apparently zombified says:

    They come up as squares if your computer doesn’t have the language pack

    and the best part is, i know all the midgets in person.

  807. Midget52 says:

    You Lie! Which one?

  808. Midget09 says:

    Oh, and 18 was saying “For the love of God, Get me out of here”. Translators do the literal translation.

  809. Midget26 says:

    L1k3 A11 UR B453 r b3l0ng 2 u5!!!!11!!1!!one!

  810. Midget37 says:

    Kill

  811. Midget52 says:

    Anyone keeping track of all these?

  812. Midget34 says:

    Yes. Remember?

  813. KingFrozen - apparently zombified says:

    You poor S.O.B

    btw, what have you all done with 54? He was my favourite and you guys killed him! *accusing point*

    And how the hell did you type in Korean/Japanese/Asian?

  814. KingFrozen - apparently zombified says:

    Sorry, forgot to ask before, Is 26 a robot made of infantonium?

  815. Midget34 says:

    No, 26 is a gamer. 54 doesn’t like to be seen. That’s why 52 didn’t know about him.

  816. Midget14 says:

    Stop judging us! you’re always judging us! Stop it! Stop It! Why are you so mean?

  817. Midget43 says:

    Baguette! Arc de Trioumphe de la bonjour! Es Cargo?

  818. Midget34 says:

    Oh yeah, 43 thinks he’s french. Sorry to all you real french people out there.

  819. Midget52 says:

    As the original one, I think it only fair that i get a word in edgewise every now and then.

    Hi.

  820. vadermath says:

    You liar! Midget50 was the original! Kill him, Midgets!

  821. vadermath says:

    My FUCKING GOD WE ARE SAVED! Look what Chris wrote on FPS about his time at the GDC

    “It was also nice to meet a reader named Chris, who was volunteering there and tracked me down via Twitter. Everyone will be glad to know he asked me when I was going to do another Nondrick update. I guess I cant escape my responsibility to my Oblivion blog, even while on vacation, so I hereby promise an update sometime in April. Okay? OKAY? You fucking vultures.”

  822. KingFrozen - apparently zombified says:

    YAY APRIL!…


    APRIL STARTED 4 FUCKING DAYS AGO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ok, I’ve had my rant, i feel much better

  823. KingFrozen - apparently zombified says:

    And mi already told you, 0.5 or 1 were the original, but i’m beginning to think it may have been alpha

  824. vadermath says:

    He’s not a fucking robot (well, 40 might be), he just has multiple personality disorder. Kind of, since he really is consisted out of 54 midgets…

  825. The Green Lantern says:

    vadermath, you are way too optimistic about this blog.

    But that’s why we get along.

  826. vadermath says:

    Funny. That’s exactly what the Chinese Midget would say…

  827. Yayyyy April!

  828. vadermath says:

    Mike! Good to see you still come by this place to visit!

  829. Addicted says:

    Vultures? Vultures? I am not a fucking vulture!

  830. Addicted says:

    I prefer the term “Cancer on society”

  831. KingFrozen - apparently zombified says:

    Why can’t we be aids? its worse and incurable?

  832. Addicted says:

    Cancer is pretty much incurable. As my gym teacher likes to say, “There is a treatment, but no cure.” She talks too much.

  833. Midget52 says:

    Right, I have started taking medication. The personalities have less control (The joke was getting too old and hard to remember, so deal with it.)

    New update? I smell something fishy. Oh, wait, that would be the fish i am currently eating. Yum.

  834. The Green Lantern says:

    The only thing I smell is a virgin comments section.

    ;)

  835. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    aww, i liked all the midgets!

    assassins creed 2 teaser gives away Jackery Shitington, but my frinds think they can see a release date in there. it was like, 16 of may or something. guess we’ll wait and see.

    also: should I do more TALES or is everyone sick of them?

  836. KingFrozen - apparently zombified says:

    YAY more tails!

    Cant get enough of those tales

  837. Addicted says:

    No, KingFrozen, you have to capitalize TALES whenever you say the word TALES.

    TALES! Yay!

  838. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    yay! i feel loved!

  839. vadermath says:

    You realize what this means? One Midget has killed fifty others! Oh well, I’m sure some new personality will come up…

  840. The Green Lantern says:

    *Scruffy The Midget Slayer has joined the match

  841. KingFrozen - apparently zombified says:

    You realize he would have had to kill 53 midgets as there were 54 total.

  842. KingFrozen - apparently zombified says:

    Hey! i’m going on holidays for the next 10 days, so if any of you miss me, thats where i’ll be… with no internet… or xbox… maybe this was a bad idea…

  843. Addicted says:

    How is that a holiday???

  844. Midget52 says:

    Maybe hes going to Candy Mountain!

    Yep, that’s a Charlie Reference. My work is done.

  845. Midget06 says:

    Work is never done for MULTIPLE PERSONALITY MANS!

    WOOOooooOOOOoooOOOOoOOOOSH!

  846. Midget34 says:

    Superhero! I missed that one. Which one of us is his secret identity?

  847. Midget05 says:

    It certainly isn’t me, mild mannered Midget05!

    He he he….. um, yeah.

  848. Midget22 says:

    I’m better than a super hero! I can do a handstand! Look at me! LOOK AT ME!

  849. Midget52 says:

    Medication…. Slipping……

  850. Fucking update already!

  851. vadermath says:

    Fucking Midgets are back! Yes!

  852. Addicted says:

    Yay! I missed the midgets!

  853. Joeman (Neck is Hurting) says:

    Addicted, in response to your above question “holiday” in europe means “vacation” in the U.S.

    I LAUGH AT YOUR FOOLISHNESS!

  854. Hi Guys,

    Been a while feel so out of touch already, this place seems to be gettin busier by the day!!

    Who was it that mentioned the DLC for L4D on xbox? I had a look and couldn’t find the update!!

    Any one know any more about this scheezy ma neezies?

  855. vadermath says:

    I wouldn’t, since I don’t have an x-box…
    But it’s good to see you back! Now that you and Joeman are back, it’s starting to feel like old times…

  856. The Green Lantern says:

    @ Ronseal It should be coming out sometime this month

    I’m starting to get antsy.

  857. Ronseal says:

    tell me about it guys
    need to get my fix on Grrrrrrrrrrr

    good news about Nonny Boy seems he is comin back soon KAMAAAAAAAAN

  858. vadermath says:

    I just re-read the “A Bitter Brew” post because, frankly, I forgot what was going on with Nondrick.

  859. The Green Lantern says:

    Who let the dogs out?

  860. Addicted says:

    @Joeman- shut your fat face, idiot.

  861. Addicted says:

    @ Joeman- wait a second, what foolishness? I didn’t make a mistake.

  862. @ addicted
    YOU SAID “WHAT HOLIDAY?” WHEN KING FROZEN SAID “I’M GOING ON HOLIDAY”. WHAT HE REALLY MEANT WAS “I’M GOING ON VACATION!”

  863. Now only at the end do you understand….WHAT A FOOL YOU ARE. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  864. vadermath says:

    Hey, what the fucking hell? My name is fucking VADERMATH. Need I make clear that I AM the one in charge of Star Wars references and quotes around here?

    And now, young Joeman, you…will…DIE! Muwahahahahaha! *Lets out force lightning*

  865. The Green Lantern says:

    DO WHAT MUST BE DONE

    DO NOT HESITATE

    SHOW NO MERCY

  866. Addicted says:

    @ Joeman- I knew he was talking about a vacation. Idiot. You misread my comment.

    (takes out light-saber-thing and slashes Joeman in half)

  867. Want Updates says:

    we want updates!

  868. The Green Lantern says:

    @Addicted

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  869. The Green Lantern says:

    Cont.

    *still kneeling with his fists raised to the sky*

    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  870. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    hey, when we get a forum one day, lets make our own thread called ‘the hiatus crew’ or something! then we can copy/paste all these comments to make it feel like home!

  871. Joeman (In Two Pieces) says:

    Ow.

  872. Joeman (In Two Pieces)(And Force- Lightninged) says:

    Vadermath killed me too?

    Ow.

  873. vadermath says:

    Yes, I have. POWER! UNLIMITED POWER! Muwahahahaha!

  874. You guys missed me? I’ve been away for like 8 days! Oh my Goat! Well, probably you haven’t… I’m so lonely. No super powers, either. Damn.

  875. vadermath says:

    You’ve been away? Well, join in to the Star Wars Battles of the Nondrick blog.

  876. The Green Lantern says:

    MESA JAR JAR BINKS!!!

  877. I knew it. You didn’t even notice I WAS GONE AT ALL! You evil pigs of doom! *cry*
    On a side note *pulls his lightsabre*, huzzah!

  878. vadermath says:

    I have grown to be more powerful than any Jedi. EVEN YOU! *pulls out his lightsaber and jumps upon Michael*

  879. nancymarie says:

    Why don’t you guys create a Nondrick forum for all this shit?

  880. @ nancymarie:
    Are you slow? We ALREADY have a Forum for Nonny!

  881. The Green Lantern says:

    At last we will have our revenge, vadermath.

  882. Darth Addicted says:

    @Nancymarie- We have one, but it’s more fun spamming up the comments section.

  883. What? Darth Addicted? A mixture of vadermath and Addicted?

  884. Darth Lantern says:

    Michael…

    I am your father.

  885. Wha-?! Oh.. father! Hey! Where’s my promised teddy bear? I didn’t get it for present for this birthday either!

  886. Gulp.. wait. Maybe the mysterious ‘Darth’ will eat me and start calling himself Darth Michael soon… I’m so afraid.

  887. vadermath says:

    Since you all got “Darth”, how the fuck do I call myself? Muwaahahahah! I know!

    Vadermath+Darth= DARTH MATHIUS!

  888. Darth Mathius says:

    Feel my wrath!

  889. Uh oh..

  890. Darth Lantern says:

    I find your lack of faith disturbing, Michael.

  891. Darth Addicted says:

    *starts to choke Michael with The Force*

  892. Why are everyone against me? I’m the Vice President dammit! Where are my Killer Suits? Saaaave me! Kill the bastards! *dies*

  893. @ vadermath
    When we last fought I was but the learner. Now I am the master. NOW FACE THE MIGHTY WRATH OF MAH DEATH STAR!!!

    (fires death star)

  894. Darth Addicted says:

    THIS IS WAR! *does an awesome twirl in those jet thingies and fires at the Death Star*

  895. You really don’t know much about Star Wars do you, Addicted?

  896. Darth Mathius says:

    Jet thingies?
    Annoying, you are. Die now, you must.
    A lot of faith, you have, in your new jet thingies, Addicted? Or should I call you, Darth Snivelus?

  897. vadermath says:

    Sorry to step out of the theme for a moment, but I’ve got something for you guys.
    http://www.megaupload.com/?d=DVHY7XRK
    Open it. Those are the chronicles of Hiatus, right from the moment Max started killing babies, up to our Star Wars game. I spent the last night reading it, brings back memories…

  898. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    um. reality check, please? i just opened up this page in my favorites, and it came with a window called ‘developers tools’, and it had sections like HTML and stuff for this page. Repeat, requesting clarification on reality.

  899. Oh Goat! It’s the holy Scrolls of the Hiatus crew! Who uploaded it? All hail the Hiatus Crew!

  900. Darth Addicted says:

    Darth Snivelus? What kind of name is that? And I do know about Star Wars. I mean, I’ve seen parts of it. Some of the cool fight scenes. Not much else.

  901. vadermath says:

    We’re kidding, addicted.
    @Michael: I did. I copied all of the comments into a text file.
    @Putzy: I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.

  902. vadermath says:

    And Snivelus is a derivation of Sidious.

  903. Darth Addicted says:

    @ Vadermath- It’s not working for me, either.

  904. It’s working for me, and it’s really cool! Thanks for the great work vadermath!

  905. Darth Addicted says:

    Oh, now I see it! Wow, that’s cool.

  906. Darth Lantern says:

    Someone needs to email that to Chris.

    Repeatedly.

    Until he decides to update.

    Or shut the site down.

  907. Someone got his email address?

    I can do this for you people.
    1 per day.
    I expect a $100 donation for each email I send to him.
    Thank you.

  908. vadermath says:

    Nah, if copy/paste was considered work, I would have a good paying job. But still, it is nice to read it in this form. I download it to check if it works, and it does on my computer.

  909. Living in Oblivion: Come for the Nondrick. Stay for the Comments.

  910. The Green Lantern says:

    That is the single greatest slogan I have ever heard.

  911. Yeah, nice one Joeman!

  912. vadermath says:

    And the fucking official slogan from now on!

  913. Addicted says:

    Hurrah for Joeman! Oh yeah, and we got past 900 comments! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  914. Yay! Judging from everyone getting their old names back, the Star Wars themed wars have ended? Good, dying twice is more than enough for me. And yeah, about the slogan, I use it as my MSN Personal Message! Huzzah!

  915. Addicted says:

    I’m glad the Star Wars stuff is over, I was running out of ideas.

  916. vadermath says:

    That means we have 1400 comments total! I propose a little challenge. Let’s see if we can reach 2000 before the next update comes out!

  917. Sure, but does spamming count?

  918. Addicted says:

    NO SPAMMING! We must keep some dignity.

  919. Understood.

  920. vadermath says:

    Of course. We must find a subject to talk about which won’t be depleted very fast. Therefore,

    PIRATES VS NINJAS!

    I say Pirates.

  921. Addicted says:

    Ninjas. Definitely. They are so awesome, they can do all of these flips and twirls and they have awesome outfits.

  922. I go for the ninjas too. I’ve always liked ninjas. Awesome outfits.

  923. It depends. Is the battle on sea or land?

  924. Ask vadermath. I don’t know, he started it.

  925. Vadermath, is the battle on sea or on land?

  926. Addicted says:

    Even if it was on a ship, the ninja would still win.

  927. Silly Addicted, Ninjas don’t HAVE ships. They would be all swimming and the pirates would blow them out of the water.

  928. Wrong, Joeman! The ninjas are so quick and agile that they sneak up on the pirates’ ships, slit their throats and then jump around like crazy pigs on grass. They’ll win.

  929. BUT PIRATES HAVE GUNS!

  930. WELL THEN TOO BAD THEY CAN’T USE THEM IN THEIR SLEEP!

  931. Wait, are the pirates undead?

  932. Ask vadermath.

  933. VADERMATH, ARE THE PIRATES UNDEAD?

  934. AND DOES THE BATTLE TAKE PLACE ON LAND OR SEA?

  935. Seems vadermath is dead. Anyways, ask vadermath if he is.

  936. Addicted says:

    VADERMATH? ARE YOU DEAD? IF SO, PLEASE TELL US.

  937. vadermath says:

    I AM NOT DEAD! The battle takes place on a ship. I say the pirates would win because the ninjas would have to swim to reach the ships, and they would be tired and wet once they got onto the ship. Furthermore, pirates have guards while the others are sleeping, and the ninja’s would sound all squeaky from the water, so they couldn’t move without being unheard.

  938. Good to see you back vadermath. Anyways, the ninjas WILL WIN! Because they can jump around like crazy pigs on grass, that will enable them to bounce of the water and that prevents them from getting wet = no squeaky sounds, so then they’ll just land on the guards, which will kill them. Ninjas win!

  939. Addicted says:

    The Ninjas wouldn’t swim, they would fly! They have special powers.

  940. Special bouncing powers!

  941. Exactly. Okay, I’m sure we will all agree that ninjas rock and could beat pirates any day.

  942. If all means you and me, Addicted.. the others have voted on the Pirates. Bet they’re wrong though.

  943. It doesn’t matter anyway, because the “others” are Joeman and Vadermath, so we’re tied. Where’re the midgets? They could break the tie.

  944. Yeah! We need the Midget army! The worst thing that could happen is that we get evened out again, as the Midgets are all split personalities.

  945. The Green Lantern says:

    I vote ninjas.

    Zombie Ninjas.

  946. Addicted says:

    Zombie ninjas? But wouldn’t zombie ninjas be all rotted and uncoordinated?

  947. The Green Lantern says:

    No.

  948. vadermath says:

    They would, actually. And the Pirates would be in the middle of the fucking ocean! No ninja could bounce his way that long…

  949. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    you forget, my friend, they are NINJAS. Ninjas can do EVERYTHING except dance. So, I vote for the Ninjas!

  950. Addicted says:

    I vote for the ninjas as well!

  951. The Green Lantern says:

    In an unrelated piece of news…

    My friend is retarded. He bought horse armor.

  952. I am not retarded. I stole horse armor.

  953. vadermath says:

    You mean, Oblivion Horse Armor? May he rest in piece…

  954. Hey guys! I made this little mod project for Oblivion today! Check it out: http://www.tesnexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=23756 and post a comment. Yeah, I’m doing this for commercial purposes.

  955. The Green Lantern says:

    Yes vadermath.

    Oblivion Horse Armor.

    He even felt that the horse armor was more awesome than the Shivering Isles.

  956. PIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRATES!!

  957. Okay, here’s another question: What’s worse, being trapped in a pyramid with a mummy, being in a zombie apocalypse, or living in a haunted house?

  958. vadermath says:

    @Lantern: Did you burn him alive, or push him into a pit of doom? Just out of curiosity?

  959. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    well, the pyramid, you could probably take the mummy if you got the drop on him, zombie apocolypse, you could go all Left 4 Dead on their asses, so I would say haunted house, cos their is no actual physical presence, so you cant take the fuckers out with a gun or anything. Unless the ghosts arent actually violent of course.

  960. The Green Lantern says:

    @vadermath

    Pit of doom where he must… NARFLE THE GARTHOK!

  961. PIIIIIRRRRRRAAAAAAATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  962. NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  963. 2 weeks or less left till new Nondrick!

  964. Joeman (Neck is Hurting) says:

    PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

  965. And yes, I said Piroots. It sounds more funny.

  966. There is no hope for you, Joeman.

  967. The Green Lantern says:

    I read somewhere that all pirates were gay.

    Yeah, I dropped that bomb.

  968. Gay Piroots! HUZZAH!

    It’s really late.

  969. Didja miss me?

    I was on holiday, if you’re interested. Cooma is a nice town.

    Anyway, my votes:

    Ninjas (Look behind you. Did you see the ninja? THAT’S how stealthy they are.)

    Mummy pyramid (Because for the others, you could call the ghost busters. Or Louis.)

    Feed the horse armour guy to a grue.

    It feels good to be back.

  970. kill. kill. kill. kill.

  971. Bahasa Inggris bagus sekali!

  972. When I am famous, I’ll dedicate a short film to all of you! Well, part of the film. Well, three frames.

  973. Good times…..

  974. And they only get better!

  975. Midget52 says:

    Please don’t add to my already overwhelming personalities. 54 is more than enough.

  976. Midget34 says:

    I refuse to acknowledge that there are any more personalities than 54. Do you know how hard it is? YOU try!

    Damn, I’m starting to sound like 40.

  977. Yay, the Midget’s are back! Welcome, here have some soda.

  978. Midget57 says:

    And it seems they’re arguing!

  979. The Green Lantern says:

    1000 comments is coming up!

  980. vadermath says:

    We will make it!

  981. That’s Mama Luigi to you, vadermath! Sorry, I’ve been watching way too many YouTube Poops.

  982. The Green Lantern says:
  983. Does Anyone Remember Nondrick, or has he passed into legend?

  984. all i know is that if there is no Nonny in 15 days, the vultures will be back lol

  985. vadermath says:

    Actually, Chris promised Nondrick before the end of this month.

  986. The Green Lantern says:

    He also promised me candy if I got into his van.

  987. vadermath says:

    Tycho Brahe enters the scene.

  988. The Green Lantern says:

    If all of us say HUZZAH then we will be at 1000 comments.

    HUZZAH!!!

  989. XChillaGorillaX says:

    HUZZAH!
    does anybody here know chris personally? can anybody please beat the shit out of him until he promises updating this blog again? or can anybody just pay him for that?

  990. When you say all of us, do you count all of me or just one of me?

    HUZZAH!

  991. Nope. I downright refuse. No way in HELL will i say that for such a pitiful reason.

  992. He’ll start taking his meds agin….

  993. … Huzzah…

  994. Huzzah! Only a couple more comments to go! Then we shall RULE THE COMMENTING WORLD! HUZZAH AGAIN!

  995. The Green Lantern says:

    Huzzah!

  996. HUZZAH!

  997. Combate Womble says:

    So, this would be a good time for a pontless post to ratchet up the number one more space.

    Time for the obligatory Nondrick shout…..

    Please Update Nonny soon!, i need to laugh again :D

  998. Yay! 999! That’s a special number!

  999. XChillaGorillaX says:

    1000!
    oh god 1000!
    Im so motherfucking special!!
    1000!
    huzzah!
    hurrah!
    1000!
    1000!
    1000!
    1000!
    1000!

  1000. vadermath says:

    We now have 500 comments to go to 2000! (I count the Hiatus post as well)! I am sure we shall make it!

  1001. Only 498 comments to go(after I’ve pressed ‘Submit Comment)! Huzzah! Huzzah! Oh yeah, it’s very nice! Todays random message: You smell funny.

  1002. The Green Lantern says:

    I AM A GREAT MAGICIAN

    Your clothes are black.

  1003. Wow. They is.

  1004. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    I hearby use my powers as Pope of the Hiatology religion to change the colour of all blueberrys to blue, and alter everyones memorys so they think that it was always blue.

  1005. Need…my fix of the Nondrick!

  1006. The Green Lantern says:

    More…than likely not going to happen this month!

  1007. vadermath says:

    Hey, have some faith. There’s almost half of the month left.

  1008. The Green Lantern says:

    You’re right, vadermath.

    I believe in this blog.

  1009. Sorry guys, but I don’t. I don’t think Chris will update this month. Well maybe, but if he doesn’t, I won’t be surprised or mad at him. If I’m wrong though, I won’t care that I was wrong, as I’ll be overjoyed with a new entry and a sign that Chris is alive and still *cares* about us!

  1010. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    chris doesn’t give a fuck about us. he only cares about people who comment on fps like us! o wayt

  1011. vadermath says:

    The Vice president of the Hiatus religion has no faith? How ironic…

  1012. Midget52 says:

    I think it would be ironic if it were made of iron!

    Tick that off the meme list.

  1013. Well, yeah guys. To get my faith back, please give me a Varla Stone or two.

  1014. The Green Lantern says:

    It won’t be that easy, Michael.

    To get your faith back, you must make a sacrifice of babies at the temple of the Nine.

  1015. The Green Lantern says:

    Located, conveniently, at my residence.

    Also, the temple of the Nine is a wood chipper.

  1016. vadermath says:

    I assume Lantern gets to eat the sacrificed babies afterwords? To quote Dr. House: “You manipulative bitch…”

  1017. KingFrozen - apparently zombified says:

    no, why would he eat valuable infantonium? [did i spell that right?] also, i know no one missed midget but did anyone miss me?

    i like me…

  1018. Good then that gathering babies and chipping them to bits is very easy for me. But now I want my Varla Stones! Please! And KingFrozen, sorry, I didn’t even know you where gone. Feel loved.

  1019. vadermath says:

    Kingfrozen: i like me…
    Vadermath: I know how you feel, I like me too.

  1020. And that ends another session of Egomaniacs Anonymous

    (Hey, guess who else shares those initials)

    (Not me)

  1021. My initials are M.H. Pretty cool eh? Mysterious Hunter. Really nice.

  1022. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    my initials are PVP! at least they are for this name

  1023. The Green Lantern says:

    My initials are RAPE.

    My dad thinks he’s hilarious.

  1024. I think your dad’s hilarious too. What an awesome set of letters!

  1025. Addicted says:

    Guys, I have some bad news for you. I’m not going to be around much longer. . .

    Because I’m going to Florida for five days! Hahahahaha! Anyway, now that you know you can start missing me, complaining and mourning until I come back.

    Bye!

  1026. What the fuck? Addicted is going away? Well you better come back you… you something filthy! Well, I MISS YOU SO MUCH ALREADY ADDICTED! *sob sob sob*

  1027. vadermath says:

    Five days? You prick, the way you started I thought you were going away for good…But have a good time in Florida, and be back soon!

    PS: Don’t let strangers RAPE (No, I’m not speaking to you, Lantern) you. It never ends well.

  1028. Midget08 says:

    Don’t I know it!

  1029. Midget10 says:

    Shut up. You didn’t hear anything, guys.

  1030. vadermath says:

    Number 8, were you by any chance raped by the other midgets?

  1031. DICK

  1032. Eat my dyck.

  1033. vadermath says:

    People, new Fallout to come in 2010!
    http://www.shacknews.com/onearticle.x/58229

  1034. XChillaGorillaX says:

    Im so (Bethesda) addicted
    (heh-he)

  1035. How is there no new post, I purposefully did not check this blog for a few months so there would at least be two more. Sad day.

  1036. KingFrozen - apparently zombified says:

    im gonna miss you!!!!!!!!

    now THAT was what i wanted when i left but noooooooo, all you bastards went and left me dry and high!

    And, midget 08, we are going to play a little game, but you can’t tell anyone ever, ever, ever.

    Now put your hand down there, and…

  1037. Stop messing around with my mind!

    Wow, a double entendre. I can’t believe i don’t have a section of my mind for that.

  1038. You do. Stop stealing my lines!

  1039. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    i have to have a rubber tube with a camera attached shoved down my throat today! its called gastro-somethingorather, and it’s as fun as it sounds! HUZZAH FOR ANESTHESIA!

  1040. 10 days left till Nondrick!

  1041. The term you are looking for is “gastroscopy,” Putzy.

  1042. vadermath says:

    Said by Putzy: i have to have a rubber tube with a camera shoved down my throat today.

    Mike: The term you are looking for is gastroscopy, Putzy.

    Not necessarily. I watched a porn once…

  1043. Midget52 says:

    At 7:33pm Australian Eastern Standard Time, there was born a great download. And this download was known as the Left 4 Dead Survival Pack.

    HUZZAH!

  1044. KingFrozen - apparently zombified says:

    Glad to see someone can use it… i don’t have the game or my xbox at the moment…

    *sob*

  1045. HUZZAAAHHH pleez tell me it is for XBOX

  1046. The Green Lantern says:

    Sorry dude.

    Dreamcast only.

  1047. Dreamcasts suck cock lol

  1048. The Green Lantern says:

    YOU DARE SULLY THE NAME OF THE GREAT AND MIGHTY DREAMCAST???

  1049. Apparently, he does. How should we punish him, Green Lantern?

  1050. The Green Lantern says:

    I’m up for suggestions!

  1051. Decapitation? Or is that too boring? What about.. taking a hammer and tongs and bend out his teeth and nails, cut off his tongue and then make him eat all that? Sounds funny to me!

  1052. vadermath says:

    Settle down, people! I think I have found Max! Apparently, he finally capitalized on his greatest skill!
    http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2008/3/19/

  1053. Ha ha, nice one vadermath! But I still miss Max…

  1054. vadermath says:

    Don’t we all…

  1055. The Green Lantern says:

    GODDAMMIT MAX WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE US??!

  1056. hello my lovers i am back and here to stay

  1057. The Green Lantern says:

    I’m going to need confirmation that it’s really you before I got into excitement level 9000!!!!

  1058. Midget52 says:

    How can he confirm it? Surely anything uniquely “max-ish” could be read on the Hiatus page.

  1059. Midget52 says:

    I just read that Chris has been playing oblivion! The end is near!

    Granted, he openly admitted it wasn’t Nondrick related, but still!

  1060. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    it turns out that the procedures actual name is an upper endoscopy! man, i LOVE anestheisa! you feel like you are a bit high after! this kid in the bed next to me was just saying stuff like “fucking awesome” and “can i take some home?”.
    all in all, we snuck out back and lit up some anestheisa soaked rags. funurals on sunday. turns out MY rag was soaked in dishwater. not, uh, not really sure how that happened.

  1061. vadermath says:

    It wasn’t Max. Max used punctuation much better. He also had the Fallout boy as his little avatar…

  1062. KingFrozen - apparently zombified says:

    i miss max…

  1063. You never even MET Max. Don’t try to weasel your way into this group, you sad, lonely bastard!

  1064. Dude, CHILL. He seems groovy. Leave him alone.

  1065. I think EVERYBODY is right! Welcome to everybody! Ever!

  1066. Am I accepted? I can do the splits! Look! See? SEE?!??! EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME!!!!!

  1067. I ran out of pills again. Anybody got some flurbiprofen handy?

  1068. vadermath says:

    You weren’t even here back in the day, how can you miss him?

  1069. The Green Lantern says:

    I miss his scent.

    I miss his musk.

  1070. I miss his never ending supply of Telvanni Bug Musk…

  1071. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    i dont know who the fuck max is, but if i did, i’m sure i would miss him.

  1072. vadermath says:

    Max was the guy (I at least think he was a guy) who basically started our little group. He ate the first baby, and was later joined by the lot of us, of whom not many remain…

  1073. Do I remain?

  1074. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    huh. I haven’t eaten a baby yet. do I have to? im on a diet.

  1075. vadermath says:

    @Midget52: Of course you fucking remain! You don’t remain when you aren’t here. Once you here, you’re here. Which means you remain. Until you go. Then you don’t remain. Until you come back. Then you remain here until you leave. Unless you don’t come back at all. Then you don’t remain.
    And of the people who remain I count Midget(s), Lantern, Michael, and myself. Kingfrozen and Putzy arrived not long ago, so they are the new guys in the crew. Did I forget anyone?

  1076. I would give Faelian some skooma to have washcloth and Max back.. I miss them!

  1077. Midget28 says:

    I would prefer if you addressed each of us individually. We inhabit the same person, but we are all different. We just happen to share living space.

  1078. Midget02 says:

    Why should he address us seperately if there is only one of us? I don’t have multiple personalities! No way! Nope! Prove it to me and it STILL won’t be true!

  1079. Midget34 says:

    If it would help, I could list all the different personalities I have documented, so you can distinguish.

    I currently have 24.

  1080. Holy Goats! We’ve got 1,081 comments! Wut! That’s really nice!

  1081. The Green Lantern says:

    Hey guys, I brought cookies!

    Seeing as we have “seven days until new Nondrick”.

    And take those quotes to mean “I’ll believe it when I fucking see it”.

  1082. @Midget52: What an obscure NSAID. I’ve never even dispensed that shit.

  1083. I agree, Lantern. I won’t believe it until I see it. Hoping for it to come, though.

  1084. vadermath says:

    I do as well, but somehow I am suspecting two possibilities. Either there weren’t be any Nondrick in April, or Chris is messing with us. Remember when he said he was playing Oblivion for something completely not related to Nondrick? He has maybe already made the update, and will post it on April the 30th.

  1085. That’s always possible, vadermath, but if Chris is ‘messing’ with us, that’s kind of lame.

  1086. The Green Lantern says:

    Yeah, it’s pretty shitty to mess with people who have loyally followed your blog.

  1087. The Green Lantern says:

    IF that’s what he’s doing.

  1088. Rather that than he’s not done it yet.

  1089. Glad to see the hiatus crowd still remains. *crosses fingers and hopes for that update*

  1090. Hi, you’ve got a very nice name Mr. Sinclair. Of course I’m refering to your first name. Lubadawha!

  1091. vadermath says:

    For a minute there I thought you were doing doing the Midget act, Michael. And now there two real Michael. Neat.

    Anyway, I have an announcement to make people! Ever since I was a kid, I loved writing stories. And so today, I have begun writing a Hiatus Novel, for our personal enjoyment of course. Expect baby-killing, old- folks kidnapping, and vampire-biting action! Once I write a sizable portion, I’ll put it up for download. Any suggestions, feedback, input, and baby blood donations are welcome.

  1092. The Green Lantern says:

    What did you do with all of those birthday babies?

    Did you go go through them that fast??

    Also, for your novel, don’t forget that I am extremely handsome.

  1093. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    i kinda had hoped that with the amount of effort and energy I have put into my comments, like my TALES for instance, i had passed beyond ‘new guy’ by now. I guess not. i am going to go cry in a dark corner.

  1094. Midget52 says:

    Who said you were the new guy, new guy?

  1095. vadermath says:

    Wait Putzy, I wasn’t talking in the “n00b” sense of the word! I meant not to offend you! You simply arrived here recently, and that’s all there is to it. So stop crying. But stay in the dark corner.

  1096. The Green Lantern says:

    Goddammit vadermath, you made Putzy cry again.

  1097. vadermath says:

    Guys, I really think we should exchange emails, in case one of us stops going here. I mean, look at what happened with Max and Washcloth, and we have no means to contact them.

  1098. The Green Lantern says:

    Good idea.

    Let’s be best friends forever! :)

  1099. Sure! My mail address is michael_inf@hotmail.com!
    Don’t send spam, or else you will die!

  1100. vadermath says:

    And mine is vadermath@gmail.com!

    C’mon Lantern, your turn…

  1101. I just added you to my msn, vadermath, in case you have msn, please accept my invitation! And yeah, c’mon Lantern!

  1102. vadermath says:

    I don’t have MSN, but I will install it for the sake of Hiatus! Wait a bit…

  1103. That’s nice!

  1104. The Green Lantern says:

    it-wont-belong@hotmail.com

    Don’t judge me. I’ve had this since I was 16.

  1105. Cool Lantern! Great to have your mail address! Really! Now let’s just wait for Putzy’s, KingFrozen’s and the rest to post their mail addresses. Oh any by the way,
    IT’S MICHAEL, FOOL! Lol, TGL Rip-Off! (Couldn’t resist)

  1106. vadermath says:

    Just a little bit…

  1107. vadermath says:

    Great Lantern! That’s our boy…

  1108. vadermath says:

    Lantern, me and michael hooked up on MSN, I sent you an invite! C’mon!
    We also found the email of beloved Chris.
    It’s chris@chrislivingston.com

  1109. Yeah! Isn’t it amazing? And Lantern, why aren’t you online? Anyways, me and vadermath are going to send him a message. Please send one yourself, too.

  1110. vadermath says:

    Get the fuck back on computer man!

  1111. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    uh, mine is
    boomjordy81@hotmail.com
    its an in-joke. i am not sure my one is compatible with all them, but i will add you all anyway

  1112. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    oh yeah, dont bother sending e-mails, cos something broke and now I cant read, write, or delete them. Sorry!

  1113. Thanks for the inspiration, dood! This is a rather unorthodox way of contacting you but the only one I can seem to find!

    Answer for what the inspiration…inspired is in m’profile. Keep it up with Nondrick! I’ll be patient!

  1114. …Oh, wait.

    Disregard the above, wordpress is stupid.

    http://billymcgonian.wordpress.com/

  1115. Midget52 says:

    So apparently I only warrant “Others”?

    Thanks alot. I’m not sure if i should post mine, as it has part of my ACTUAL name in it. Are any of you guys stalkers?

  1116. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    hey mine has a part of my real name. I’m Jordan, by the way.

  1117. Putzy Von Putzingburg The Third says:

    yeah, i’m not afraid of stalkers. do you honestly know how many jordans there are in my town alone? some of them are even girls

  1118. vadermath says:

    That was…strange, Putzy. Well Midget, I’m not exactly old enough to be an insane stalker, and since we don’t live in the same country, I see no way for myself to stalk you. Unless you buy me a plane ticket. Then we’ll see…

  1119. right. awesome.

    mjisaacs555@hotmail.com

    Go for it. I have MSN, Too!

  1120. pritt stick says: