January 25, 2002 - Eminent Domain
Looking to start your own website? Well, the first thing you need is a catchy domain name!
Sure, it's tough to come up with a good one. Took me years to come up with notmydesk.com! Actually, it took me about eight seconds. Could explain why it's not catchy.
Luckily, there are lots of catchy domain names for sale on eBay.com! Somebody bought the perfect domain name, absolutely the best and most catchy domain name ever, and they don't want it anymore, so you should buy it. Make sense? If you find one you like (and you will!) and bid a few thousand dollars on it, next thing you know, it's yours!
Check out some of the steals that are available now!
Or, if you have two pumps and want to sell them! Although, wait, if you sold them, then you'd need to register 0-pumps.com. Scratch that.
Well, how about if you know somebody you want to pump (2-pump), but are too shy (2-shy) to ask (2-ask) them, you could buy this domain for them (4-them) and hope they get the hint!
There's even a graphic thrown in! A pumpy one! Wow!
Who could argue with that? If someone came up to you on the street and said 'autoeyeball.com', I bet you couldn't argue with it. It's impossible! Just try it, Pumpy!
And the 'eyeball' suggests that you've got your "eye" on all things automotive! Similar to some of my favorite websites, newseyeball.com and tempingeyeball.com and lanceandeskimoeyeball.com! Eyeball, won't you?
You know, I'm sure there are literally tens of people interested in the shopping scene in Yankton, North Dakota. Which is a bit of a shame, since Yankton is in South Dakota.
Also: Yankton. Heh heh heh heh.
Sure, I know what you're thinking. Why do I need a separate website for each of the Back to the Future sequels?
Come on. It's Back to the Future, Part II. Part II. You can't sully it by cramming it onto a website with Part III. The film stands on its own as a masterpiece of modern cinema. You've got old Biff. And Young Biff. Even middle-aged Biff! You've got two Marty McFly's running around. TWO!! And they both wind up at the same dance! Will Marty ever get back "in time?"
And, Jesus, people, Billy Zane is in it!
That's... that's just too much (2-much) for one website.
With a website named ur2invest.com, you're going to need a subliminal message, for sure. Er, excuse me. U R GONNA N33D 1 4 SURE.
The logo in question:
Don't stare at it too long! It's subliminal!
Well, um, I dunno, actually. I think I see a pelvis, and maybe a dingle type thing in the logo... possibly some breasts? Is this making anyone want to invest?
Or maybe the subliminal part is the background, you know, the messy pile of about thirty-four dollars.
Huh. Is it fun to say? Is it really? Lemme try... Y-I-I-hee hee heee! Gosh, that is fun! Y-I-hee hee ha ha ha!! Oh, you've gotta try this!
Y'know, I just checked, and YE50.com is available. Now that's fun to say. Book 'em, Dan-o!
Wha? Dance Ja Jig? What... what in God's name are you talking about?
Can't you just hear the sarcasm dripping from this one? "Yeah, I don't really know why I bought this. It's just too damn cute for me, but you might like it. For your 'bundle' of 'joy'. You sappy fuck."
Special Package Deal! Domains:
Price Tag? $65,000.00
Sure, sure. I buy all these, and then what happens? Some wiseguy registers vegassexyladyescortwomengalsescortladiesinvegas.com, and leeches off all my business.
Plan twenty-five years ahead and grab it now!
Okay, that's it for the week. Keep your eyeball on various things, my pumpy pals, and don't forget to dance ja jig. See you Monday!
January 23, 2002 - Mailbag!
A heaping helping of reader mail! Check it out here!
January 22, 2002 - Loneliness Support Group. Bring a Friend!
So, I was flipping through the local paper, and I came across this announcement:
AA HAPPY HOUR GROUP -- The AA Happy Hour Group hosts its regular meeting, nonsmoking and wheelchair-accessible, 5:45 p.m., First Presbyterian Church.
Maybe I'm missing something, but is it really wise to have an Alcoholics Anonymous Group with a name like 'Happy Hour'? Seems like it might be flirting with disaster.
I guess I can kind of see what they're doing. "Welcome to Happy Hour! Not the Happy Hour you once knew, but a real Happy Hour, where you find real happiness!" And so on.
Still, though. It seems a bad idea to incorporate a term that associates so heavily with the disease you're trying to prevent or the affliction you're trying to be sensitive and supportive of. Like, you wouldn't form a group for people trying to quit gambling, and call it the LUCKY BREAK GAMBLER'S SUPPORT GROUP! You might as well just ad the tagline: "We BET we can help you, so why not ROLL THE DICE, PUT ALL YOUR CARDS ON THE TABLE and join the FOLD?"
Or, maybe you would.
OVER-EATERS ANONYMOUS ALL-YOU-CAN-MEET MIXER! Gorge yourself on new acquaintances when several regional groups get together. It'll be a buffet of new faces! Last year's mixer was certainly a recipe for success! Saturday, 6pm. It'll be phat!
WEEKLY DEAF-PERSON'S "SOUNDING BOARD" COMMUNITY MEETING! Make yourself heard at our weekly gathering! Let's pump up the volume and hear the latest! Wednesday at 3:00pm in the Civic Auditorium.
PARKINSON'S DISEASE "SHAKE THINGS UP" SUPPORT GROUP FIRST ANNUAL DANCE PARTY! We're quivering with excitement about this new event! Hit the dance floor and try out some new moves! Or even some old moves! Or some involuntary moves! This Tuesday, 9pm. Beverages and napkins provided.
THE "FREE-FALL" ACROPHOBIA HELP CENTER. That's right, starting this FALL our seminars are FREE due to plummeting membership. Take the plunge and join! Sunday at noon, Turner Building, 78th floor balcony.
"LEND A HAND" AMPUTEE VOLUNTEER ORGANIZATION! Stumped for how to volunteer this summer? Well, give someone a leg up! If you're charming and disarming, we could use you to raise funds. Hand in an application from 12-3pm on Friday, on K Street (within walking distance of the football stadium).
TOURETTE'S SUFFERER'S WEEKLY "SHOUT-OUT"! Pipe up and let us know what's on your mind! Don't hold back a thing! A great place to gab with others. It'll be a scream! We swear!
January 21, 2002 - Temp Chat 6! Lots of Boobs!
An exciting new Temp Chat session! You can read it by clicking here!
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