TRON: Legacy (DVD)

I watched TRON: Legacy on DVD this weekend. I don’t think there are any serious spoilers below. This isn’t really a review, just some notes I made while watching it.

• Computer generated Fake Young Jeff Bridges is fake.
• Like, really fake. As someone on my Twitter feed said, Fake Jeff Bridges is president for life of the Uncanny Valley.
• Didn’t they test this before putting him in the movie? It’s off-putting and fake and embarrassing. I bet Robert Zemeckis is watching thinking, “Wow, this looks great!” I bet he’s touching himself, he’s so excited.
• Okay, onto the rest of the film. Sam, Jeff Bridges’ son, is clunkily established as a hacker and reckless rebel. He rides motorcycles and jumps off tall buildings. I wonder if those talents will come in handy later.
• Okay, Sam is in The Grid world now. He seems to take this in stride.
• Women in The Grid world are fetish dolls, apparently. When you’re done with them, they obediently go back into their little boxes on the wall. That’s a nice message.
• Disc-fighting in the arena. It looks really cool.
• Sam’s opponent does a bunch of pointless backflips and sideflips.
• Remember in the first movie, when Jeff Bridges was horrified that he had to kill his opponent? Sam doesn’t give a shit. Because why would the movie want to endear him to us?
• New opponent does even more pointless flipping around. New opponent never shows his face. I wonder if that’s important?!??!??!???!?!1!
• New opponent does four flips to get in the way of Sam’s disc, than another to get out of the way. If he’d just have stood still he’d have been fine.
• The disc fighting stuff looks great and is fun. It’s also over very quickly. I watch it again.
• Fake Young Jeff Bridges is back. Apparently he’s going to be in a lot of this movie. He looks stupid and fake, especially when he’s standing next to real actors, which he always is.
• Light cycles! Yay. Except for FYJB, this movie is flippin’ beautiful. Like, jaw-droppingly beautiful.
• The light cycle sequence is fantastic. It’s also over quickly. I watch it two more times.
• Sam, after killing an opponent: “That’s what I’m talkin’ about!” Ugh. On the other hand, I’d probably say something just as generic if I were there.
• Daft Punk’s score is fantastic. Pausing the movie to download it, so when I’m driving around in my car tomorrow I can pretend I’m on a light cycle.
• They’re really cannibalizing the first film, including a lot of lines. I guess that’s to make people who know the first film well say “Hey, that line was in the first film!”
• Olivia Wilde sometimes looks beautiful, sometimes looks like some kind of weird upsetting ninja elf clown.
• Real Older Jeff Bridges is here. He sort of looks fake, too.
• ROJB and Sam and Ninja Clown have dinner and talk. It’s boring.
• There seems to be some attempt to give this film a Lord of the Rings epic seriousness and gravity. It’s sort of failing.
• A couple of jokes are inserted and they seem weird among all the seriousness.
• FYJB’s motivations for being a dick are revealed. They’re not terribly satisfying.
• There’s a disco for computer programs. Okay. Sure, why not.
• Everybody is Kung-Fu fighting. I know Sam is a motorcycle guy, so his talents on the light cycles are explained, but I don’t know where he learned how to fight.
• Remember how in the first movie, Jeff Bridges sort of sucked at flying the warship? Sam doesn’t suck at anything. He is super-great! And therefore boring.
• More talking. It’s boring.
• Bring back the light cycles or something. You’re losing me, movie.
• A couple more weird jokes about ROJB being a hippie. They feel out of place.
• ROJB is Gandalf, FYJB is Saruman.
• Sam is fearless and bold and great at everything and always does the right thing and always makes the right choice. What a dull, lifeless character.
• Sam kicks ass behind closed doors. Because why would we want to see a cool fight?
• Airplane fight stuff. It’s okay, I guess. I kind of just want the movie to be over. I’ve got laundry to do.
• Everyone could have easily escaped the movie by now if only they’d stop talking.
• The ending of this movie is brought to you by Deus Ex Machina, Inc. Bleah.
• Sequel is shamelessly set up.
• The movie is over. I have a bunch of questions that are not going to be answered.
• Now I’m listening to the Daft Punk soundtrack while doing laundry. It makes matching socks seem a lot more exciting.