Gaming | Internet

We Are So Close To Rapture I Can Almost Taste The Bees

Remember that great game, Bioshock, where billionaire libertarian Andrew Ryan built an underwater city because he was tired of government interference, and it worked out really well for him, and it totally didn’t turn into a nightmarish leaking hellpit filled with screeching, drug-addled lunatics?

Well, we’re inching closer to that beautiful reality, as billionaire PayPal founder and libertarian Peter Thiel has given  $1.25 million to the Seasteading Institute, a group determined to build their own underwater city! (Technically, they plan to build their city above the ocean, but since they’ll be operating in international waters, free from the pesky, invasive government building codes, their city will be at the bottom of the ocean soon enough.)

From their website:

A libertarian seastead should easily be able to have no zoning laws or building codes, low taxes, no import/export tariffs, few restrictions on weapons, local consumption of drugs, no minimum wage, no legislated work week, no coerced welfare system, no eminent domain and many other items from a laundry list of common libertarian policies.

This totally sounds like Rapture, doesn’t it? You can do a bunch of drugs without worrying about government intrusion, just like using Plasmids and Tonics from the game. Gun control is non-existent, and in Rapture, you could buy all the weapons and ammo you wanted from vending machines, unlike in the stupid U.S. where the government’s strict policies only let us purchase one rocket launcher per month (grrr!).

And when moving your children and all your worldly possessions to a floating city in the middle of the ocean, what phrase instills you with more confidence than “no zoning laws or building codes”? Especially when the city is constructed by laborers earning less than minimum wage who can do all the drugs they want and have access to weapons. Sniff sniff… what’s that smell? Is is Utopia? Or maybe burning human flesh? It’s easy to get them confused.

Now, there are two things you’re probably concerned about: hurricanes, and doctors with no moral code who will forcibly implant sea slugs into the bodies of little girls to turn them into giggling vampires so they can collect chemically enhanced DNA from the hundreds of corpses littering the city. Don’t worry, they’ve got hurricanes covered.

1. Avoid being in an area where severe weather hits, if possible;
2. Build structures that can withstand the worst storms expected in a seasteading area;
3. Design platforms, modules or adjunctive seacraft that can move out of the path of storms or other severe weather—whether seasonally or immediately (i.e. with a few days of advanced warning).

Just move the giant floating city out of the way. Duh! It’s as easy as moving your car to the other side of the street on Tuesdays, for street sweeping. Same general principle.

I think this whole idea is great. With a lot of drugs and guns and no stupid laws, this floating city will be just like Rapture: free from government tyranny, flooded with seawater and dead bodies, and with clouds of stinging bees everywhere. Don’t forget to bring your golf clubs!


  1. Sounds like another good reason not to like Paypal.

  2. Chris, if he gives you an invitation because of your mad gaming skills, be sure to leave plenty of detailed audio journals lying around before you go crazy!

  3. Nonomu198 says:

    Finally, a place deadly swarms of killer bees can call home.

    Speaking of (or at least referencing) First Person Observer, what’s going on with the place? I didn’t even know the articles are still there, since the main page is non existent.

    Speaking of (or at least referencing) Chris’ older projects, where are Concerned’s Extras? :'(

    • Christopher says:

      Huh, not sure what happened to FPO’s front page. Looks like maybe a WordPress update broke it.
      I’ve added some of the Concerned Extras to this site, like To The Death!, but I still need to add the rest.

  4. UR JUZT JELUS because you don’t have $1,250,00 to sink (hahahaaaa) into a project that will invariably end in disaster.

  5. Jamie Wannabuythenotmydeskbook says:

    Speaking yet more of Chris’s older projects, is there a NMD book yet? I was looking at some of those older essays and a decade later they are still utterly hilarious. Will we be able to send you money for them soon?

  6. Nonomu198 says:

    Google or something block FPS becuase of malicious content! :(
    Got hacked, Chris?