I’m in the middle of an office move and it’s no fun. I think I’ll have a little plaque made for the front my urn that says: “She solved 2,218,437 meaningless problems for other people and now she’s dead.” In order to remain sane, I’ve been loading up on the entertainment. Here are the things that have kept me from throwing a chair through the window or drinking heavily.
Anthony Jeselnik, Shakespeare
I like my stand up comedy to be smart, dry, absurd and borderline cruel. I’ve seen him a few times on various specials, and his bit about the marshmallow dream had me in tears. If you are a sensitive sort, you’ll most likely hate this guy. However, if your idea of comedy involves allowing yourself to laugh at nearly everything that normally makes humans uncomfortable, then you’ll be just fine.
Beastie Boys, Fight for your right
I have no idea what I watched Wednesday night, but seeing Elijah Wood smiling his head off in the back of a limo while he had a knife stuck in him was strangely great. Also, it was a pop culture bonanza of celebrities that I actually like. Imagine that!
Tina Fey, Bossypants
Tina Fey has done a lot for brunettes with glasses. So much so that when dudes on the street who aren’t commenting on my butt (apparently last week it was both “bladdaow” and “shazaow” – hint: my butt is big), they tell me I look like Tina Fey. Of course, I don’t look like her in any way, but at least I’m comforted that some fellows are looking at my face. The chapter about her dad was the highlight for me. The only problem that I had with this book is that it wasn’t nearly long enough. Also, she didn’t come over to my house and read it to me while she made us both hot cocoa.
This is comedy spoof of movies like Dolemite. It’s intentionally bad, but they do it in all the right ways. For instance, a bad guy gets out of a car to start shooting, but forgets to put on the parking brake and needs to get back in to stop it from drifting. A guy reads a stage direction out loud. Helicopters appear out of nowhere. Suddenly, everyone is in a tuxedo. Three words: Chili and Donuts. It’s freaking comedy gold, I tell you.
This is a free podcast that is available the first of every month. When I’m feeling low, I gravitate to two bits that never fail to cheer me up. The first is called “So You Want to Go to Space” and the second is “The JC Penney End of Days Sale”. If you need more coaxing, the space sketch mentions Russian farts. To the iTunes store! Away!
HGTV’s Househunters International
I watch this show simply because I hate it so much. My hatred runs deep for these jerkwads that are touring Belize or the South of France to find a second home. If you’ve never seen it, people that are a jillion times richer than you look at three houses and then buy one. Yep, it’s that thrilling! I hate when people mention how a room would or wouldn’t be good for entertaining. I hate it when they step into a room that’s bigger than my entire house and say that room is too small. So, I basically spend a small portion of my night (it’s on every night, it seems) calling people names and feeling bitter and jealous. However, it keeps me from spewing this poison I’ve got inside of me at co-workers, friends or my spouse and that’s priceless.
Randall’s Animals, Honey Badger
In the great phone tree of great internet videos, I’m somewhere down the line behind your Great Aunt Myrtle and just slightly in front of most Amish. I would say all Amish, but they have Rumspringa to catch up on this sort of thing. I found out about the Honey Badger video when I asked Chris what he wanted for dinner and he said “Honey Badger don’t give a shit” in such a way that I knew a You Tube search was in my immediate future. I’ve only watched it about 37 times since and it gets me every time. Since I’m so late in the game, I’m sure I can find a Honey Badger t-shirt on clearance. The latecomers just pick up the scraps.