To The Death! (Round Three, Match Two)

Four men, trapped on a desert island, surrounded by monsters.

No, it’s not this week’s episode of “Lost” (though Frohman does look a bit like Jack). It’s today’s episode of To The Death!

We’ve upped the ante of antlions, adding another to each side of the lagoon, for a total of sixteen. Last time, three Gordon Frohmans successfully protected their charge, the endearingly oblivious Dr. Kleiner, against wave after wave of flying alien bugs (one Froh was lost in the process). Will their luck and ammo hold out today?

Bugs! Start your asses! It’s Death Time!Wings beating the air, the first wave of antlions swoop in, while the Frohman with the AR2 puts some holes in them.

Sploosh! One antlion is critically wounded and plops into the murky drink. From the opposite bank, a handful of luckier bugs makes it to the island and screech into action.

They’re really coming in from all sides. As each antlion falls, another leaps into action from the shores of the lagoon. A few get in some pokes with their pointy, protruding pincers, while the feisty Frohmen fire flashily and ample alliteration annoys the audience.

“Well, hello there, my insectile friend! You know, you remind me of my pet headcrab, Lamaar! I suppose you, too, have been altered and are of no harm whatsoever!”

“Oh my!” Kleiner is jabbed through the midsection, and brutally yanked away, Starship Troopers style. Shame.

Tossed into the water like a sack of trash, his corpse sinks like a stone. Looks like the Frohmen were a little too busy to, as the kids say, “get his back”.

They’ve still got their hands full. Despite the grief they are no doubt feeling, they continue to empty their weapons into any antlion that draws near.

And one Frohman, the one with the AR2, falls under a barrage of teeth and claws. There are still plenty of antlions left, some scuttling around on the island, still more waiting patiently on the shores for their turn to strike. With the most powerful gun out of action, will the other two Gordons survive?

Um, Frohman? The one with the shotgun? This might not be the best time to try that “Dance! Dance!” move the evil cowboys do in westerns. Although, it does look like the antlion is, as the kids say, “busting a groove”.

And now it’s busting Frohman’s spine. Our be-shotgunned Frohman’s twisted body sails out into the water, no longer a threat. His shotgun hovers comically in space for a moment before clattering to the sand.

One Frohman left, and he’s armed only with the SMG. Can he possib—oh he’s already dead.

Killed so quickly even the camera doesn’t catch it, all that can be seen is his weapon and his foot as he’s hurled out of frame and into the water.

Cue some poignant music, because this one is over, leaving only bodies bobbing in the shallow water, just like in that World War II movie where a bunch of American soldiers bobbed in the water after getting killed by giant insects.

Oh, really, Dead Frohman. You’re so dramatic.

And, the antlions take the second match! That leaves us with a tie-breaker. We’ll see what we can do to spice that up.