Lady Business: Food Porn

When Chris and I first started dating, he had a TV with rabbit ears that only seemed to receive PBS. We watched a fair amount of Julia Child and Jacques Pepin. My favorite was Cooking with Claudine, where Mr. Pepin would explain to his daughter what the heck eggs are and how to make food from them.

Many years later when funds were more plentiful and the rabbit ears were retired, I found the Food Network. If you are like my friend Jason, you watch the Food Network as a functional “how-to” in your life and learn to create delicious food. He once watched an episode of Alton Brown’s Good Eats called “My Big Fat Greek Sandwich”, and then proceeded to make the glorious thing. We ate like kings, I tell you! I, on the other hand, once watched the episode on Eggs Benedict and was completely lost after step 23 of 739.

Much like how MTV once showed music videos, the Food Network has evolved away from it’s original I’ll-cook-and-explain-what-I’m-doing-so-you-can-do-this-at-home format to it’s current format full of competition shows and fat guys eating. I can’t complain, because I love to watch people eat. Luckily, the Travel Channel has gotten into the game and expanded my choices. Here are some worth checking out.

Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations – Travel Channel
Mr. Bourdain is a very surly guy who delves happily into things like giant piles of tripe or chicken feet. He goes all over the world, visits with chefs, talks, eats and drinks. Then, he goes to a new restaurant and talks, eats and drinks some more. One episode, he goes to a bar in South Boston and does 14 shots. He’s made a career of this. Bastage.

Man v. Food – Travel Channel
A fellow named Adam Richmond tours the nation stuffing his face in all sorts of places. The show is named Man v. Food because he tackles some kind of insane food challenge in whatever city he happens to be in. It usually involves ingesting about 5 to 8 pounds of food in an hour. Either that, or he’ll eat a small amount of food that is made up of 72 ghost chiles. Either way, you may find yourself hoping that the EMTs are on standby just in case.

Diners, Drive ins and Dives – Food Network
Guy Fieri shouts his way from town to town stuffing his face with food. That’s pretty much the entire show. So, if you like a spiky haired jackass yelling at the top of his lungs and getting food all over his face, it’s on about 7 or 8 times every weekend so just watch it already. (Warning: the link to the show’ s site will immediately start playing him yelling.)

The Best Thing I Ever Ate – Food Network
Just about everyone with a show on the network is on here talking about the best thing they ever ate. When I watch this, I’m usually eating pretzels or something super exciting like that and I don’t feel bad about my life choices at all.

Unwrapped – Food Network
Whenever I need a palate cleanser, I watch Unwrapped. It’ll take all that food joy I’ve got built up inside me, and end that quickly by watching what the food industry is really like. It’s not someone in the kitchen living the dream and making food from scratch. It’s industrial ovens, guys with beard guards, huge vats of goop and machinery that could rip your arm off if you aren’t careful. I once saw an episode where Smokey Robinson’s frozen meals were being shot out of a hose, and nearly lost faith in all humanity.  Now, that’s entertainment!