The American Horror Story ads had gimps coming down from the ceiling, so I had to give this one a go for the weirdness alone…and the fact that there are few things creepier than ghost twins.
I was watching some embarrassing program or other when I saw an ad for a show called Truck Stop Missouri. I figure if a show about a truck stop can get on the air, the powers that be must be looking for some terrible shows to air. Here are some that we’ve come up with.
I’ve been lucky enough to see Mr. Show’s “Hooray for America” when they came around in 2002, Louis C.K. in one of his very angry this-close to divorce shows circa 2008, Dave Attell right after they cancelled “Insomniac”, Doug Benson right after he had “made some very bad decisions pre-performance”, Brian Regan when he filled up the Crest with just about everyone in Sacramento, Mitch Hedberg a few years before he died and the spectacularly funny Paul F. Tompkins twice while he was participating in the SF Comedy Sketchfest.
Now that TV is in re-run mode, I’ve started relying on the internet and my iPod touch for entertainment. I have a few categories that I like to cover on a daily basis.
Money App: Smarty Pig – This doesn’t actually do anything fancy. In fact, it doesn’t do much at all other than track the money I’m saving up for various goals. You can set up an account on the web for as little as $25, and then choose to automatically deduct whatever amount you choose for however long you choose to save up for whatever the heck you want. Admittedly, the interest on these accounts used to be much higher. However, it’s better than stuffing it in your mattress. Plus, they have a cute little piggy bank that tells you how far along you are with your goals.
(For any newcomers, a quick word: My wife, Kris, writes a column here every Friday under the heading “Lady Business.” — Chris)
I’ve never been cool a day in my life. I’ve been known to have my very occasional moments of coolness, but they end in a heartbeat. One moment, I’m letting a witty rejoinder fly. The next, I’m typing the phrase “witty rejoinder”. It’s tragic, really.
There was a time in college (and slightly after) where I wanted to be cool so badly that I did the unthinkable. I dated a hipster…for seven long years. Imagine living for seven years talking about Einstürzende Neubauten, Beat Poets, Brian Eno, Peter Greenaway and David Lynch. We would watch Robocop or Predator, but only ironically. It was a dark time.
When I look back, I see that Peter Greenaway’s movies are insanely beautiful, and late 1980’s/early 1990’s Industrial music was pretty darned awesome. I just felt like I was living in a box. Don’t put Robocop in a corner!
Summertime is a real snooze-fest for TV watchers such as myself. Last Summer, we cut cable and brought it back just in time for It’s Always Sunny. We kept it this year because it was such a hassle to connect it again. However, the offerings are pretty slim out there when one absolutely, positively refuses to watch shows of the America’s Got Talent variety.
I’ve come up with some games to make the best of a sad situation and keep myself entertained without having to actually leave the house, live my life or be social.
Chris and I got home from a family visit Tuesday night to a blinking answering machine. My nephew, Shane, was killed in an accident. He was a talented artist, a bicyclist, a drummer and the only person I ever knew who could pull off suspenders. He was 27. In the last few years, he’d been sending me little pieces of art out of the blue. In April, he sent me a small owl necklace made of metal that has moving wings. I’m not sure how he knew that I love owls. Perhaps it was a lucky guess.
I’m usually into comedy, but days like this draw me to sad movies. Here are some of my favorites:
When I first moved to California in 1989, I remember my college friends talking about Wynona Ryder. One had an acting class with her, and the other was her walking partner at high-school graduation. (He was told to move out of the shot by some photographers, and was bitter about it.) When I see her in a movie, I’m always oddly aware that she’s my age.
Imagine my horror last year when I saw her in the Star Trek movie as Spock’s mom. She was covered in makeup, but still. Sheesh! Then, I see Black Swan where she is described as old and washed up. For all I know, ballet dancers are considered old at 15. I still felt the hit.
Last year, I only went to see one movie in the theater all summer long. It was a combo of not having much out that I was interested in seeing, and also I am what you would call a ‘cheap bastage’. Of course, this summer is full of sequels and that lessens my choices. Typically, I’m not a fan of sequels unless they involve Han Solo, Legolas or some other hot nerd bait.
Hobo With a Shotgun, May 6th – Lordy, that’s a great title. If Rutger Hauer keeps to his tradition of saying only 13 lines of dialogue in any given movie, it’ll be a whole lot of silence followed by shotgun blasts. Truthfully, I’m on the fence for this one, but with a title like Hobo with a Shotgun at least I’ll know what I’m getting into.
When Chris and I first started dating, he had a TV with rabbit ears that only seemed to receive PBS. We watched a fair amount of Julia Child and Jacques Pepin. My favorite was Cooking with Claudine, where Mr. Pepin would explain to his daughter what the heck eggs are and how to make food from them.
Many years later when funds were more plentiful and the rabbit ears were retired, I found the Food Network. If you are like my friend Jason, you watch the Food Network as a functional “how-to” in your life and learn to create delicious food. He once watched an episode of Alton Brown’s Good Eats called “My Big Fat Greek Sandwich”, and then proceeded to make the glorious thing. We ate like kings, I tell you! I, on the other hand, once watched the episode on Eggs Benedict and was completely lost after step 23 of 739.
Much like how MTV once showed music videos, the Food Network has evolved away from it’s original I’ll-cook-and-explain-what-I’m-doing-so-you-can-do-this-at-home format to it’s current format full of competition shows and fat guys eating. I can’t complain, because I love to watch people eat. Luckily, the Travel Channel has gotten into the game and expanded my choices. Here are some worth checking out.