I was watching some embarrassing program or other when I saw an ad for a show called Truck Stop Missouri. I figure if a show about a truck stop can get on the air, the powers that be must be looking for some terrible shows to air. Here are some that we’ve come up with.
Hangars On: An older couple lives in a gigantic airplane hangar for no apparent reason. Think the Costanzas – only she would be the one with the temper, and he would be the long suffering and clueless husband. The reoccurring theme on this show is that all of the furniture is covered in plastic, and every week a huge A-list guest star tries to put his/her feet on the couch and is viciously scolded by the wife. Big stars. None of this Kardashian shit. I’m talking Pitt/Streep/Hoffman level here.
Rush Wives: Every now and then VH1 will air a show on rock and roll wives. Now, it’s time for Rush Wives! Where the (I assume) super nice and normal wives of the Canadian band Rush live out their private lives in public. Episode one: A lovely dinner party with a nice red wine, followed up by a minor argument over who gets to help with the dishes. Episode two: The dog got into the Cheezies, and there are crumbs everywhere!
Normalcy!: Real people commute to work, pay bills and sometimes go out to dinner and a movie. Climatic cliffhanger: Trash day is moved from Friday to Wednesday! What’s next? The cat needs his shots! BOOM! Try not to pee yourself with excitement!
Finders: This show focuses on really organized people. Everything is where they put it. Sweeps week scenario: a trip to Ikea for new shelves! Will they buy the Expedit or the Lack? Will they stop by the café and eat lunch for $2 bucks a family? You’ll have to wait and see!
Shitty Chameleon: Let’s face it. Geniuses are boring. This show has a guy who pretends to be a doctor all of season one, but gets arrested at the end of the season for impersonating doctor because he was just so damned horrible at medicine. After some summer jail time, he comes back in season two and pretends to be a lawyer and gets arrested. Repeat this formula every season with a new career. Lawyer shows are out this season? BAM! He’s a now scientist. Think Black Adder, but less British. Second thought, get a Brit and make him speak with a bland American accent. Recurring role: Sassy parole officer.
All just terrifically wonderful ideas. I expect the checks to come rolling in any minute now!