I was watching some embarrassing program or other when I saw an ad for a show called Truck Stop Missouri. I figure if a show about a truck stop can get on the air, the powers that be must be looking for some terrible shows to air. Here are some that we’ve come up with.
Hangars On: An older couple lives in a gigantic airplane hangar for no apparent reason. Think the Costanzas – only she would be the one with the temper, and he would be the long suffering and clueless husband. The reoccurring theme on this show is that all of the furniture is covered in plastic, and every week a huge A-list guest star tries to put his/her feet on the couch and is viciously scolded by the wife. Big stars. None of this Kardashian shit. I’m talking Pitt/Streep/Hoffman level here.
Rush Wives: Every now and then VH1 will air a show on rock and roll wives. Now, it’s time for Rush Wives! Where the (I assume) super nice and normal wives of the Canadian band Rush live out their private lives in public. Episode one: A lovely dinner party with a nice red wine, followed up by a minor argument over who gets to help with the dishes. Episode two: The dog got into the Cheezies, and there are crumbs everywhere!
Normalcy!: Real people commute to work, pay bills and sometimes go out to dinner and a movie. Climatic cliffhanger: Trash day is moved from Friday to Wednesday! What’s next? The cat needs his shots! BOOM! Try not to pee yourself with excitement!
Finders: This show focuses on really organized people. Everything is where they put it. Sweeps week scenario: a trip to Ikea for new shelves! Will they buy the Expedit or the Lack? Will they stop by the café and eat lunch for $2 bucks a family? You’ll have to wait and see!
Shitty Chameleon: Let’s face it. Geniuses are boring. This show has a guy who pretends to be a doctor all of season one, but gets arrested at the end of the season for impersonating doctor because he was just so damned horrible at medicine. After some summer jail time, he comes back in season two and pretends to be a lawyer and gets arrested. Repeat this formula every season with a new career. Lawyer shows are out this season? BAM! He’s a now scientist. Think Black Adder, but less British. Second thought, get a Brit and make him speak with a bland American accent. Recurring role: Sassy parole officer.
All just terrifically wonderful ideas. I expect the checks to come rolling in any minute now!
I like the one called Normalcy! I sometimes try to imagine that I am in a television show at work to make my job more interesting, you know, like Grey’s Anatomy. Only problem is there are no hot doctors and nothing exciting or dangerous happens so it sort of defeats the purpose.
I actually imagine that “Shitty Chameleon” could make a decent show if written well. Something like “The Riches”, but changing every season. I’d watch, for sure.
I see us in some of these shows; especially “Normalcy.” The excitement and suspense of Trash Day actually happened here. How about one called “Retirement!” It’s like Normalcy except these real people don’t go to work. And, besides the cat needing his shots, the dog receives a squeak toy for Christmas. Hilarity results.
“Shitty Chameleon” actually sounds like a great show.
I was inspired. Shitty Chameleon sounds fun.
“Service Men”: A show about a gas station. In true shitth History channel fashion. It details the work of the guys working there, just filming with very sparse writing and directing. Reoccurring theme: fart jokes. This is where 100% of the writing and directing efforts go.
“Joke Busters”: A bit like Myth Busters, only they bust jokes. Why did the chicken cross the street? How would a rabbi and a priest actually behave when coupled on a real life plane? Once an episode, the team summons their blond apprentice for the (obviously episodic) blond joke segment. There’s a counter to see how many blond jokes are real and how many are fake, with a summary at the end of every season.
I still haven’t decided whether she should realistically pass every joke test, fail a lot in funny ways, or just flat out replicate said jokes. Hilarity ensues either way.
“Snow Fight Front Federation aka SFFF”: Three matches a week every season (that’s a sports season, but a series season too in this case I suppose). Thirty minutes, two teams, one judge and zero tolerance for yellow snow. Cheer for your favorite team! Enjoy the drama of a good snow covered snow being thrown! “He’s just faking it, you silly judge! This red stuff is just ketchup.”
“The Brand New Adventures of Mangod!”: Mangod is a famed superhero, loved by everyone. Or at least that’s what he hoped to become after being bitten by a radioactive god. But alas, nobody recognizes his achievements! All those ships that hadn’t sunk, all those lives not lost to disease, all those men not turned into super villains. It is all thanks for his hard work, using his powers which work at mysterious ways. The nonrecognition upsets him greatly. He tries to prove his magnificence to his friends and family. “Look! It says so right in the front of this newspaper! ‘Hundreds die from plane crashing on road, one child miraculously survives’. Miraculously! Why do they not credit me? This must be the work of Satanman!”.
At the cliffhanger of season two, Godman loses faith in himself (maybe Satanman got him?), but in season 3 he regains his faith upon finding solid evidence of his work, and forms the Pantheon, a prestigious league of justice consisting of deity-heroes such as himself, Ramen (pronounced like ramen) and Mosesboy. It might develop further than that at later seasons, but in the beginning the just meet every week and brag about how they contributed to the common good in the previous week.