return to screencuisine

spinn | zomp | lore | lance | dave

Fitness Week
Site Archives
First Blood
Essay Archives
Field Guide:
Deskless Jobs
Field Guide Archives
Office Playground
Reviews Archives
My Desk:
Diff'rent Spokes
My Desk Archives
Vision of the Future:
Smurf Rescue
VotF Archives
Diversions Archive
Other Features:
Kids Page
Interview:  MST3K's Mary Jo Pehl
The Temp Test
Hall of Henchmen
Art Page
Message Board

*Not My Desk will return on Monday, January 14!*

12-30-01 - Auld Lung Syne

Here's why New Year's Resolutions don't work.

See, generally, resolutions revolve around changing some undesirable aspect of oneself.  It could be a bad habit, it could be a character trait, but either way, it's usually something that exists that needs to be modified or eliminated.

Changing one little tiny bit of yourself is never easy.  Take me, for instance.  Yes, that's right.  Me.  I mean, while I'd love to discuss your problems and shortcomings, I don't really know you that well.  Get yer own damn website if you want me to talk about you.  Um... or something.

What's my worst habit?  Smoking, probably.  So, let's say I wanted to quit smoking as my New Years Resolution.

It's not that easy, and not just because cigarettes are so great, and so flavorful, and make my breath and clothing smell so fantastic, and keep my teeth nice and white, and are so inexpensive.  Nope.  It's because, like most habits, it is inextricably tied to all the rest of my habits.

If my habit were, say, taunting goats with phrases like "HEY!  WHO'S A STUPID-LOOKIN' GOAT, HUH?", well, that wouldn't be too hard a habit to change or drop, namely because it does not factor in with the rest of my daily routines.  I could quit the goat-taunting without it having any real effect on my life, other than having more free time that I had previously spent trying to find goats to mock.

Smoking, however, is somewhat of a lynchpin.  It's an interlocked ring in the Great Chain of my horribly unhealthy lifestyle.  See, the immensely addictive, chemically treated tobacco aside, smoking isn't just that easy to quit.

Nothing in the world is better than a cup of coffee and a cigarette.  I mean, the combination wakes you up, gets your heart racing, and makes your breath just spectacular.  Helps keep you regular, too!  Coffee just isn't the same without a smoke.  It's ruined.  So, if I were going to quit smoking, I'd have to quit drinking coffee as well.  Just having a sip of java would make me nuts for a smoke.

So, why not quit both?  Well, I need the coffee to help wake me up after my long nights of drinking booze.  So, if I quit coffee, I gotta knock off the hooch habit, too!  See what's happening?

Of course, I drink because I'm stressed, and it helps relax me.  My stress mostly comes from my string of crappy temp jobs.  Therefore, if I'm gonna quit hitting the bottle, I gotta quit temping!  It's a domino effect of really big proportions!

And why do I temp?  Because I have no job skills, no motivation, no aspirations, no self-esteem, no logic, no confidence, and no sense of reality.

So!  If I want to quit temping, I somehow have to acquire these other things.  I need to become a motivated, confident self-starter with a proactive, realistic, logical approach to life.

Oh yeah.  That's  gonna happen.

Have a great New Year's, and smoke 'em if you got 'em!


 Last Week (ish) on Not My Desk

message board                back to top                          archives


Please note: any e-mail sent to may be republished, reproduced, excerpted, and/or mocked on this site as the circumstances require.

Also note: This website may appear to be poorly designed when viewed through certain browsers, such as Microsoft Internet Explorer, Netscape Navigator, Mozilla, Lynx, WebExplorer, Spry, Spyglass, Links, w3m, Chimera, Opera, Cyberdog, and Mosaic. To improve the appearance of this site, try covering your eyes.

Also also note:  Any and all images used on this site are trademarked and may not be used without permission.  And when I say trademarked, I mean trademarked by whomever I stole them from.  So ask them for permission. 

All material 2000 - 2001 by Christopher Livingston. Yeah. That'll hold up in court.