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8-17-01 - Flash in the Pan

Oooooooooooh.  Some Flash animation!  Made for me by Lore from  It's trippy and funny.  Check it out by clicking 'GO', which you probably could have figured out.  And turn those speakers on!

I played this approximately 900 times this morning.  Thanks, Lore!  I totally dig it.  I've also placed it on its own page, which can be reached by clicking here, in case anyone wants to e-mail it to a friend (or enemy).

And, this linking button was sent in by Jillian!

Since I didn't have any standard-sized buttons, she went and made me one!  Thanks!  You can visit Jillian's site by clicking here.

Also, this one was sent in by Kent.

This is wossname from the movie, whaddyacallit.  Great!  Of course, she has much better cleavage than I do, and I'm never that happy to help anyone.  Thanks, Kent!

You can check out the rest of the art on my Art Page.

Thanks to everyone who sent something in, and made it possible for me to update without actually doing any writing.  I love you guys.  See you Monday.


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04-29-2038 - Phhppptthhh

Yes, yes.  I had the wrong date on yesterday's entry, so, thanks to everyone who helpfully sent me e-mail to let me know, often with comments like "Hey!  You have Thursday's date up and it's only Wednesday!" and "Sure, you might wish it was Thursday but it's not, it's Wednesday!" and "It's not Thursday yet, it's Wednesday, are you temping from the FUTURE??" and "I think you've gotten a little ahead of yourself, silly temp person!  It's not Thursday yet!" and "Are we expected to believe that it's Thursday when it's clearly Wednesday???"

And so on.

Thank you.  All of you.

As you can see below, I left the date the way it was, because I am a rebel, a stallion, really, and no matter how hard you try, none of you can ever tame me.

Anyhoo!  I spent the whole day putting hundreds of business cards in alphabetical order, a thrilling job, I assure you.  My agency is still having "Free Wednesdays" this month, wherein the company that employs me for the day doesn't have to actually pay me (my agency does), so they just haul me in and give me the most meaningless task in the universe to do.

Today, it was alphabetizing business cards.  Next Wednesday, perhaps it will be counting staples or measuring 8 1/2" by 11" paper to make sure it's really 8 1/2" by 11".

At least I'm off Thursday (the real Thursday), and I promise to catch up on my e-mail and post some more reader art.  For now, my eyes are still swimming with stiff little white and gray rectangles of paper, so I'm going to sleep.


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8-16-01 - I, Temp

There's a little quiver of excitement that goes through me when I'm walking out the door at the end of an assignment, a little extra spring in my step.  I thought for a while it might be the joy at never having to see the troglodytes I've been working with ever again.  Or, the thrill of feeling nomadic and roguish, perhaps even mysterious, as I metaphorically holster my guns, tip my hat, and ride off into the sunset to some other waiting assignment.  Somewhere out there, someone else needs me, ma'am.

I recently realized it might be something more, though.  It may be (dare I say it?) pride.

There is something to be said for arriving out of the blue into a new environment, surrounded by untrusting strangers, and making them feel at ease.  They're in a bind.  A crunch.  A crisis.  A few simple words, and they have one less thing to worry about.

Yes, I've used this software before.  Yes, I'm familiar with this type of phone system.  Yes, I can do this for you.  Yes, I can find that for you.  Yes, I understand.  Don't worry.  Leave it to me.  No problem.  Not at all.

They relax.  They feel relieved.  They trust me.

I'm there because they've got a gap, a void, a space, and no matter the shape or size, I can squish myself into it, like some sort of malleable glob of goo.  Yes, goo.

Yes, I've done reception before.  Yes, I've greeted clients before.  Yes, I've supported entire departments before.  Yes, I've assisted managers, directors, company presidents, CEOs.  No problem.  Not at all.

They smile.  The nod.  They trust me.

And, when it's over, why shouldn't I feel the tangy zip of pride?

After all, I came, I did the job, and now I'm leaving.

Well... I came, I did part of the job, I ignored the rest, and now I'm leaving.

Okay.  I came, I did part of the job incorrectly, I ignored the rest, and now I'm leaving.


I came late, did most of the part of the job incorrectly, did the rest of the part of the job horribly incorrectly, ignored the rest, and now I'm leaving.  Early.  With my bag full of office supplies.

The thrill?  That I got away with it.

Something to be proud of.


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8-14-01 - Mem's the Word

Hey, the long-neglected Memo section has gained a new page! It's about damn time.  If you have any, send 'em in!

Click here for four new memos!

Also, a bonus Diversion for this week, sent in by Allison.  Played with this all morning.  I'm sure it's not rocket science, but sometimes it's impressive when it zeroes in on you. Give it a couple tries!

Guess the Dictator and/or Sitcom Character

Thanks Allison!  Great time killer, just what I needed at work this morning.


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8-13-01 - Mail Bag

Mitch writes:

"I was... wondering what ever came of your trip to Kelly Services. ;) I remember you having an entire update on them but (unless I missed something) never updated us on what happened once you got signed up. I've done business with this shady company myself, so naturally, I'm curious."

Yeah, I never followed up on Kelly Services, mostly because nothing ever happened.  Well, mostly nothing.  The agents would very rarely call me with an assignment, and when they did, it was either something I was completely unqualified for, or it was something about 65 miles out of my commute range.  None of them ever had my résumé in front of them, and they never seemed sure of where they could get a copy of it.  I would hear things like, "Well, I'll call the office, and see if I can find a copy of your résumé to send to the client."  This didn't instill me with faith that they really had their act together.

The last thing that happened with Kelly was, this agent, Craig, called me with a position in Berkeley that sounded okay.  The rate was good, it was for 90 days, and I seemed to fit the profile (although Craig didn't have my résumé either).  It sounded like I more or less had the job, and Craig told me to call in Monday morning to confirm it.

I called in Monday morning, and they said Craig wasn't in.  I asked if they knew anything about the assignment, and they did not, but they'd check.

I called in Tuesday, and they said Craig was "gone" and they didn't know when he'd be back.  And they still didn't know anything about the assignment, but they'd check.

On Wednesday, they said Craig "no longer works for the company."  They still didn't know anything about the assignment he had set up, he had left no records of it, but they'd look for something else for me, and give me a call back.

They haven't called back.


Also in the mailbag, some art from maime!  

Check it out by clicking here!  

Thanks, maime!  I love it!  Very clever!


Another e-mail says:

Hey, I live in California, like you do.  Have you heard those annoying, condescending radio ads about how we're supposed to save power?

-Made-Up Reader Invented So Chris Can Talk About Dumb Radio Ads

Well, Made-Up Reader, I sure have heard those ads!  One in particular bothers me.

The ad informed me that "the electricity you save by turning off a light could go to power a children's hospital!"

Well, sure, I guess it could, but couldn't it also go to power a serial killer's electric carving knife?  Couldn't it power the laptop of some evil tobacco lobbyist, or, God forbid, Joe Eszterhas's writing lamp?

I decided to believe that the electricity I save by turning out a light could be used to power my light. So I leave it on.


Diversions this week:  I got a few complaints about how hard the Diversions were last week, so I'll go easy on you this week.  First, what could possibly be more embarrassing than winding up in prison and not having a prison bitch name?  Find out yours and avoid this faux pas with the Prison Bitch Name Generator (sent in by Bob).  Also, match up atoms just like a real scientist in Atomica!  And, feeling blasphemous?  How about a little Jesus Dress-Up?  Let's face it, you're going to hell anyway.  The links are linked on the link thing.

Last Week on Not My Desk


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