1) You view this website at
your own risk, and at the risk of Donald H. Stansmeyer, of 1633A
Hammerbill Lane, Jarales, New Mexico 87023. Don't ask why. It's
2) You have entered into an
agreement between you (herein referred to as "You") and this
website (herein referred to as "This Website"), and that
agreement (herein referred to as "That Agreement") will
stipulate (herein referred to as "Whatever Stipulate Means")
that if you ever meet a guy, and he lists the fact that he can do a
"phat human beat-box" as a positive attribute, you will beat
this guy (herein known as "Annoying Loser") into a pulp before
he demonstrates this.
3) If and/or when describing this
website to others, you will not use the word "wacky."
4) When using our chat area, you
will refrain from using profane or offensive language, particularly
since we have no chat area, so chances are, you're just sitting at your
desk, mumbling swear words.
5) Your long-distance phone service
will be automatically switched to AT&T, unless it is already
provided by AT&T, in which case MCI or Sprint is probably on the
phone with you right now, begging you to switch to them, in which case
your phone line is tied up, in which case you are not online, in which
case you are not reading this, in which case your phone service will not
be switched to AT&T, in which case MCI or Sprint is probably on the
phone with you, begging you to switch to them.
6) Hotel accommodations for some
readers of this website will be provided by the other readers of this
website, which works out nicely, I think.
7) While reading this sentence, you
will not blink your eyes until you finish it, no matter what, even if
your eyes start feeling dry and itchy, or if your screen starts seeming
to bright, and the black text on white background is pretty irritating
if you think about it, and you really feel like you need to blink, but
you can't, because the sentence won't end, it just keeps going on and on
and on and on, and whenever you think about not blinking, somehow it
always suddenly feels like you have to blink, at least that's what
happens to me, my eyes feel all prickly, and kinda itchy under the lids,
although if I keep them open normally for this amount of time, it's no
problem, it's just when I think about not blinking that I have to blink,
but I bet you really have to blink by this point, and I don't know how
Dustin Hoffman didn't blink for so long at the end of Midnight Cowboy,
because that would drive me crazy, not blinking for that long, while at
the same time thinking about how much you need to blink, because it
itches and stings so bad gotta blink now gotta arrrrrgh my eyes must
blink must must blink now must BLINK NOW.
8) You will note that this site
really wanted to include the term "merchantability" somewhere
in these Terms of Service, because "merchantability" sounds
totally made up.
9) You agree to indemnify, defend,
and hold harmless notmydesk.com from any and all liability, penalties,
losses, damages, costs, expenses, attorneys' fees, causes of action or
claims caused by or resulting from the fact that while you are reading
this sentence your boss has COME UP RIGHT BEHIND YOU AND IS READING THIS
OVER YOUR SHOULDER AND HE NOW KNOWS YOU TOLD MARCIA IN ACCOUNTING THAT
YOU THINK HE HAS A BIG RED BABOON ASS and now you're fired. Sorry.
10) No intellectual property found
on this site may be copied, reproduced, or republished.
In fact, no intellectual property
may be found on this site, period.