If you've been away for a while, or never been
here before, you can follow the progression of the website. How fun for
Just so you
know: this site is constantly changing formats (see, the way
I phrase that implies I have no control over it and it's not my
fault). As a result, different pages of the archives look
different from each other, locations of particular sections
change, the colors change, everything changes. So, poking
around might be a little confusing. I'm sorry. I mean,
the site is sorry. I had nothing to do with it.
text denotes a special or "theme" week.
An addition to the already bloated
Jobs section of the oft-neglected Field Guide! The One-Day
Temp is the lowest of the low, the least of the least, and the
something else of the same something else. Called in for just
a single day of work, these fruit flies of the temping industry
might as well have the word "disposable" printed on their
foreheads. What's worse, sometimes the one-day jobs... well,
shit, just go read the damn thing.
Once more, I find myself in charge
of security for a small office. The two reasons this is
generally a bad idea: first, I'm tiny and pathetic, and not
much of a deterrent to criminals or even malicious, palsied school
children. Second, I'm planning on stealing a ton of stuff, and
here I am, guarding the door. Plus, with this job, there's a
catch. A really big one.
helps those who help themselves. But what does God do to those
who help those who can't help themselves? Like, say, a
temp? Like, say, me? Well, He punishes.
Nothing 'Bout The Truth
Research shows that the average person tells about two lies a day, but I
recently spent eight hours doing little else but spewing complete bullshit in
downtown San Francisco. Oh, yeah, and I got paid to do it! Get the
skinny on perhaps my weirdest temp job to date.
(November 20, 2002)
McDonald's isn't usually a place for soul searching and pondering alternate
timelines, but sometimes it happens. Must be the special sauce.
That Saliva In Your Ass, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me? (November
I'm not sure where the porn industry gets their ideas from, man, but it ain't
me. I'd boycott them, but that'd be stupid. Contains adult language
and situations, as well as the words "mancake mix." You've been
- June 4 - June
8, 2001 - Kind of an impromptu Theme Week, brought on by an
e-mail from Carol Feltman about a review I'd written of her book.
- Fiction Week
- Five short temping stories, all in a different fiction genre: Science
fiction, horror, erotica, fairy tale, and mystery.
- Fitness Week
(October 2 - October 6): Feel the burn! A week of getting
into shape at your temp job, from desk-stretching to office yoga to something
far, far more terrifying: face-building.