Beatles Fans Shocked, Disappointed By Poor Beatles Performance

Liverpool, England — Fans crowding into the Cavern Club hoping to witness a stellar, memorable Beatles performance came away shocked and disappointed by the poor showing of the famed rock quartet. According to all accounts, the band played terribly, missing notes and forgetting lyrics, much to the dismay of the gathering of dedicated fans.

“They didn’t seem to know their own songs,” one fan said. “Wait, not even songs. Song, singular. They kept trying to play the one same song, but never even got all the way through it. Not once.”

“John sounded like a nineteen year-old girl,” another fan said. “He kept giggling and getting the words wrong, and was way, way off-pitch. It was horrible.”

Lennon wasn’t the only Beatle who disappointed fans. “They all seemed to be struggling,” one attendee said. “It sounded like it was the first time they had ever held their instruments.”

“That looked like George Harrison,” another dismayed fan agreed angrily. “But that was no George Harrison.”

“At least Ringo sounded about right,” he added glumly.

“It wasn’t what I was expecting,” said another Cavern Club patron, who initially cheered the band but found himself less and less excited as the show progressed. “I was expecting The Beatles, but this sounded more like a disorganized, possibly drunk bunch of amateurs, trying to play the same one song over and over, stopping in the middle, and then starting over again. What a letdown.”

“John Lennon would be rolling over in his grave,” he added, “if he wasn’t currently on stage.”

After five awkward, fumbling attempts to make it through their 1963 classic hit “Twist and Shout”, The Beatles gave up and ended the show.

“The Beatles suck,” said one long-time fan. “I’m crushed by this. I just hope the Green Day concert I’m going to is better, but I don’t have much hope.”

The Beatles are due to appear on The Ed Sullivan show next Wednesday night, though Paul McCartney has stated he might not be able to make it due to having a Calculus midterm early Thursday morning.


  1. You just described every experience I have had with Beatles Rock Band!

  2. FrohmanForPrez says:


    The First Person Observer is now bookmarked in my News folder. Genius.

  3. Guys, you have NO IDEA how hard it can be sometimes to play the songs you’ve been playing for decades. You think I got a 100% on “Through the Fire and Flames” the first, second or even on the eleventh time I tried? Heck no! Only sleep-deprived losers and babies can do that.

  4. Adoring Beatles Fan says:

    And now Twist and Shout is going to be stuck in my head all day. Thanks a lot, Chris.

  5. Kirk Hammett says:

    Yeah, I know what these fans are going through. It’s even more irritating when just one band member screws up the song for the rest of us.

    James just hasn’t been himself lately.

  6. Laughed hard at “At least Ringo sounded about right”

  7. Bah, this “rock” music is just some goofy fad. I’ll bet good RaptureBucks that soon you kids will be dancing to “Beyond The Sea” and “How Much Is That Doggy In The Window?” again in no time.

    Ah, HMITDITW. Can’t get enough of that song…

  8. Happy Fan says:

    Well, I was so excited I fainted as the Beatles got onto the stage. I was out cold the entire concert. By all accounts, I had a good time. If you didn’t enjoy this concert, well, then you’re just not a Beatles fan.

  9. I went to that concert. It was just wrong and sad…

  10. Wallace A. Jenkins says:

    Ugghh, why do people listen this old stuff?!?

  11. A. Johnson says:

    Shut it, private!

  12. Ah, yeah, I’ve been to some of their performances. To be frank though… I think they put drugs in the drinks. I freakin’ swear, I felt like I was on acid when I watched them do I Am The Walrus! And, uum… at times their instruments sound a bit, don’t know, plastic?

    Eh, never liked 1980’s music anyways.

  13. slayer666 says:

    hasnt jon lennon been ded for 30 years now? this fake…

  14. Beatlesfan34 says:


    After that performance, he might as well be.

  15. It appears I am not the only spy.