Suspect in 1,137 Cop Slayings Released

Algonquin, Liberty City — The sole suspect in over a thousand violent cop killings was reluctantly released today with no formal charges being filed, police say. Despite overwhelming evidence, the lack of a legal system in Liberty City prevented police detaining and trying the suspect for his alleged crimes.

Niko Bellic, an immigrant from Eastern Europe, is the sole suspect in the slayings of 1,137 police officers and other law enforcement agents, as well as allegedly responsible for the violent deaths of a number of citizens, tourists, and underworld figures. “We know he’s the guy,” one surviving police officer said, speaking to reporters. “We’ve caught him in the act of murder, arson, destruction of property, bank robbery, and thousand of weapons violations. We even have evidence of him breaking Liberty City’s ban on driving while talking on a cell phone. But, the lack of any sort of functioning legal system really has our hands tied.”

“If he should be found guilty of anything,” whined Carmen Ortiz, a Liberty City woman romantically linked to Bellic, “it should be wearing boots and a track suit on our date. Killing cops is one thing, but picking me up for a date in a busted up old Moonbeam covered in blood… that should get him the freakin’ death penalty.”

Evidence against Bellic includes numerous statements from eyewitnesses as well as hours of incriminating videotape from traffic cameras, news helicopters, police car dashboard cameras, and amateur filmmakers. Even with thousands of videos of Bellic’s crimes having been uploaded to YouTube, getting the charges to stick has been troublesome.

“I saw him just yesterday,” one officer said. “He was speeding down the wrong way of a one way street, weaving all of the road, smashing through lampposts and fire hydrants, running over pedestrians, firing out of his windows and dropping grenades. We gave chase with a number of squad cars and a police helicopter. The suspect leapt from his burning car, destroyed the helicopter with a rocket launcher, then opened fire on responding officers with a machine gun.”

“He also threw a can of Sprunk at an old woman,” the officer added. “That’s just mean.”

By the time Bellic was brought down, twenty-two officers and eleven bystanders were dead, many more were wounded, and several vehicles had been destroyed. Bellic, felled by police gunfire, was rushed to Cerveza Heights Medical Center in Dukes, where he was later discharged.

Just hours later, Bellic allegedly led police on another chase that ended when the suspect reached an apartment owned by his cousin, Roman Bellic. “He was driving a stolen ice cream truck, and we were right on his tail,” an officer said, “but he ran into the apartment and went to sleep. There was nothing we could do at that point but give up the chase and leave him alone.”

Police feel helpless but determined. “Even with no way to prosecute him for his crimes, we’ll keep after him,” an officer promised. “He can run, but he can’t hide. Well, he can hide but he can’t… we’ll get him eventually. Let’s leave it at that.”


  1. He ran over my wife with a car but he said sorry so I forgived him.

  2. Carmen is SO not a whiner. You are being rude. I just wish Niko would buy something from Perseus once in a while. Is that so much to ask? And I love when he escapes on a motorcycle. My friend drives a bike too.

  3. I thought the actual number was 1337, not 1137. ;-)

  4. A. Mother says:

    This is what happens when we raise a generation on Murder Simulators. Won’t somebody please think of the children!

  5. Tommy Vercetti says:

    These upstarts are giving organized crime a bad name.

  6. I blame these spread-sheet simulator games, I’ve heard of this one called TWOC 3: Carte Blanche City where players balance the books of a criminal organisation that steals cars and murders people.

    It’s atrocious that our kids are exposed to such an accurate display of criminal financial practices.

  7. Stereotypical Republican says:

    I for one blame video games and television! In my day, we had games like stickball ,and lynching! Video games like QUB3D promote violence against coloreds and shows like America’s Top Hooker is destroying the infastructure of America. With president Obama, I can only imagine how worse it’s going to get!

  8. Kadorhal says:

    Over a thousand.
    And I thought the stories I’ve heard about Stilwater were bad.

  9. Jack Thompson says:

    Simply outrageous. This is what happens when the moral fabric of society breaks down!

  10. Even criminals have the right to get a good night’s rest!

  11. Hans Wurst says:

    Blame Grand Theft Walrus!

  12. Once again, free first aid has failed…T_T. I mean, seriously, who would heal a murdere like that when he killed so many people?

  13. @mookae: See?! This is what Bloody Obama’s healthcare reform has led to!

  14. @Kadorhal:

    Hey, I’m damn grateful to be living in Stillwater these days. I pay the Saints my protection money each month, and they take much better care of the neighborhood than the SPD ever did. They even stopped spraying my house with that weaponized septic truck once I asked nicely. On top of all that, I get the hilarity of seeing gang members dressed like ninjas singing along to Paramore as they roll around the city killing police. Good times.

  15. Concerned Citizen says:

    I even heard him yelling out that he did not even own a license after running an Elderly lady over. This menace should be taken off the streets!

  16. Damn, I know this guy… I was having another of my sandwich breaks in that warehouse in Bohan where I used to work and all of a sudden that guy comes in, yelling dirty words (something like nobody should… procreate with his family) and shooting the people inside. I almost died because of that piece of baloney which got stuck inside my throat! One day he gets what he deserves… I bet!

  17. K'all (Engineer 1st Class, conditioned rank.) says:

    Oh, I see.

    When it’s humans killing other humans, it’s shocking murder.

    When it’s humans killing aliens, it’s fine.

    Look, I’m like you. I work hard under an oppressive bureaucracy trying to make ends meet when the bosses won’t even approve adding a footbridge.

    And just because I happen to have three eyes rather than two, some “heroic” cyborg is granted full license to slaughter my family, punch my arm off, and blow up the suspension walkway I risked demotion for and spent hours of my time building?

    You disgust me. It’s no wonder high command decided you were unfit slaves.

  18. Yet another display of the failure of our health care system.

    Only in America can a man who has murdered more people than any current military force not only get medical treatment for when he crashed going 100 into the back of a SUV full of children, but be released with no charges, even if he was obviously carrying more weapons than a military armory, and shot most of the ambulance crew who tried to save several of the people he killed.

  19. Damn, you are one COLD MOTHERFUCKER, Nicky! Stay alpha, baby. You are ICE COLD, MAN!


  20. Roman Bellic says:

    Niko, my cousin!

    What are you doing!

  21. Nico should come visit Rapture. There aren’t any cars, but you can buy superpowers from vending machines and 99% of the population runs around acting like him. Well, okay, so do I. But considering that no one in Rapture seems to think twice about assaulting a guy who is holding a Gatling gun in one hand and a swarm of bees in the other, I call it “assisted suicide”, not murder.

    Anyway, I bet he’d like it here.

  22. Private Jackson says:

    Well, the way I see it, if you was to put me and this here sniper rifle anywhere up to and including one mile of Niko Bellic with a clear line of sight, sir… pack your bags, fellas, war’s over. Amen.

  23. mommy went to work at night again. It was last week, and Next day the policemen came. then he policemen sayed that man in the article worked with her in a car but then he made her dead and took the money mommy makes to buy me food

    i miss my mommy :(

  24. Scorpion says:

    Could use a guy like this over in Panau.

  25. Kiki Jenkins says:

    You people all disgust me. The author of this sickeningly biased article should be fired, and all of you readers ought to be ashamed of yourselves for believing this nonsense. A hard-working man from a war-torn country comes here to try and start a new life but instead finds nothing but oppression and prejudice. Even when he’s just driving down the street minding his own business, the police constantly harass him based on nothing but some grainy videos that show nothing but a man using an assault rifle in justified self-defence against a dangerous, unarmed grandmother. He came here with nothing, and what little he manages to earn with blood, sweat, and tears, we take away in medical costs as the police ruthlessly gun him down time and time again.

  26. Troy McManus says:

    You know what? And this is going to shock you, it really is, but this guy actually *bumped into me*. I know, right? There I was, carrying my week’s groceries in a bunch of open paper bags (I’d already unwrapped my French bread in anticipation of a good lunch), when I see this guy walking around with a shotgun. Being a good denizen of Liberty City, I pay no heed to the gun toting maniac and keep walking in a straight line. Suddenly, shotgun guy veers to the left, and, honest to god, he jostles me, spilling my groceries all over the ground. I’m so shocked that the guy that would kill 20 people without batting an eyelid would maliciously bump into me that I end up staring blankly at my groceries for a few seconds before calmly walking off, leaving about $100 in food lying on the pavement. Un-fricking-believable, right?

  27. This guy’s a fucking psychopath. I saw him kill his way through an entire museum of armed guards.

  28. The funny thing about this is that it is actually something I would expect to hear through the GTA Radio

  29. wow nice story dude.

  30. My Dad, a police officer was killed in the helicopter explosion, My sister was walking my dog, and both her and the dog were run over, my girlfriend was in a car pushed off the algonquin bridge by him, possibly for the fuck of it, and the chase ended with a crash into my front living room.

    But its ok, hes a nice man =)

  31. Gordon Freeman says:

  32. Cheers for this one, I’ll be back lol!

  33. Frank West says:

    We could use this guy in willamette. Not racoon city though, it’s too late for that place.

  34. Francis Mcreary says:

    Dammit the liberty city police told you NOT to publish this, you will be hearing from my lawyers at Goldberg, Ligner and Shyster.

  35. Halo Announcer says:

    Killing Spree!

  36. The Announcer says:

    First Blood! That was fast…