Algonquin, Liberty City — The sole suspect in over a thousand violent cop killings was reluctantly released today with no formal charges being filed, police say. Despite overwhelming evidence, the lack of a legal system in Liberty City prevented police detaining and trying the suspect for his alleged crimes.
Niko Bellic, an immigrant from Eastern Europe, is the sole suspect in the slayings of 1,137 police officers and other law enforcement agents, as well as allegedly responsible for the violent deaths of a number of citizens, tourists, and underworld figures. “We know he’s the guy,” one surviving police officer said, speaking to reporters. “We’ve caught him in the act of murder, arson, destruction of property, bank robbery, and thousand of weapons violations. We even have evidence of him breaking Liberty City’s ban on driving while talking on a cell phone. But, the lack of any sort of functioning legal system really has our hands tied.”
“If he should be found guilty of anything,” whined Carmen Ortiz, a Liberty City woman romantically linked to Bellic, “it should be wearing boots and a track suit on our date. Killing cops is one thing, but picking me up for a date in a busted up old Moonbeam covered in blood… that should get him the freakin’ death penalty.”
Evidence against Bellic includes numerous statements from eyewitnesses as well as hours of incriminating videotape from traffic cameras, news helicopters, police car dashboard cameras, and amateur filmmakers. Even with thousands of videos of Bellic’s crimes having been uploaded to YouTube, getting the charges to stick has been troublesome.
“I saw him just yesterday,” one officer said. “He was speeding down the wrong way of a one way street, weaving all of the road, smashing through lampposts and fire hydrants, running over pedestrians, firing out of his windows and dropping grenades. We gave chase with a number of squad cars and a police helicopter. The suspect leapt from his burning car, destroyed the helicopter with a rocket launcher, then opened fire on responding officers with a machine gun.”
“He also threw a can of Sprunk at an old woman,” the officer added. “That’s just mean.”
By the time Bellic was brought down, twenty-two officers and eleven bystanders were dead, many more were wounded, and several vehicles had been destroyed. Bellic, felled by police gunfire, was rushed to Cerveza Heights Medical Center in Dukes, where he was later discharged.
Just hours later, Bellic allegedly led police on another chase that ended when the suspect reached an apartment owned by his cousin, Roman Bellic. “He was driving a stolen ice cream truck, and we were right on his tail,” an officer said, “but he ran into the apartment and went to sleep. There was nothing we could do at that point but give up the chase and leave him alone.”
Police feel helpless but determined. “Even with no way to prosecute him for his crimes, we’ll keep after him,” an officer promised. “He can run, but he can’t hide. Well, he can hide but he can’t… we’ll get him eventually. Let’s leave it at that.”