World

Desperate, Marooned Astronaut Tries To Use Every Item With Every Other Item

Planet Cocytus — Trapped on a mysterious planet and stumped for ideas, NASA Pilot and survival expert Commander Boston Low, trying to transport himself and his crew back to earth, has resorted to trying to use every item he’s found with every other item he’s found.

“I just don’t know what else to do at this point,” Commander Low stated, clearly frustrated. “I’ve been walking all over this planet, and for a while things seemed to be going pretty well, but now I’m just stuck.”

His mission began when he was dispatched aboard the Space Shuttle to divert the path of an asteroid that was on a collision course with Earth. Successfully planting and detonating explosives on the asteroid’s surface, the rock was safely diverted into low earth orbit. Low and his companions, upon investigating the hollow asteroid, found themselves transported to a strange planet with no way to return home.

After some exploration, Low realized he was simply not progressing with his mission any further, and, with no other ideas, he decided to try to combine the various items he’s collected.

“I’ve got a wire, and a rod, and a shovel, and a bunch of other things,” he said, tiredly looking through the collection of objects he’d found since arriving on the planet. “There’s also a lens, a jawbone, a bracelet, and a couple different crystals. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with any of this junk.”

“This sucks,” he added. “I was really having fun there for a while.”

After trying to use each item with different features of the environment, such as columns, devices, and code panels with no results, he finally decided to try combining the items with the other items in hopes of creating a brand new item that might be of some help.

“Well, I’m trying the shovel with the jawbone. That didn’t work. Maybe the shovel with the bracelet? No, that doesn’t work. Maybe the jawbone with the bracelet? Dammit. Nothing.”

After trying all of his items with all of his other items, Low wandered off to a location he’d been in several times before. After examining the same area he’d previously examined, he discovered what appeared to be a machine part.

“Great,” he said. “Another item. I guess I’ll have to try this machine part with everything else I’ve got. That’ll be fun.”

Comments

  1. Sounds like Mr. Low needs to attempt to combine the crystals with the jawbone several hundred more times, so that he finally acquires the necessary level of skill to succeed at doing so.

  2. Dr. ROCKZO says:

    Scrape the gum off the floor with the penny!

  3. Gabriel Knight says:

    Golly, I grew out of the item-on-item phase in 1993. Since then there was just that time in France where I had to convince some moped rental place that I was my buddy Mose so I could get the really sweet Harley instead of that embarrassing purple number.

    Has Mr. Low tried using the lens to look around in the mud for snake scales?

    Buy my new book!
    Gabriel Knight, Author

  4. Man, lately, it just seems that more and more astronauts are getting marooned! What are they teaching these men at the academy?

  5. (OOC, er, or whatever – there was a link in there that goes here, to the guy who played Gabriel in GK2′s first novel)

  6. Sirius Orillion says:

    I was going to include that in the comment, but wasn’t sure if this site took BB Script or HTML.

  7. Theo Barton says:

    Great item on item.. Kind of like.. Two crystals One Jawbone? Well that’s frightening. I plan on playing this game soon, for the first time in forever.. Huzzah!

  8. I don’t understand what his problem is. Just listen for the gentle tinkling of bells and flip whatever switch is glowing like a Christmas tree.

    If you don’t get it right away, just wait for someone to yell instructions at you over the radio.

  9. Larry Laffer says:

    Oh mama, if only I could get my hands on some of that hot item-on-item action!

  10. DJ Phantoon says:

    God help this poor bastard if he ends up having to try combining three items together. Or dare I say…

    Actually I dare not say it. Murphy’s Law, natch.

  11. When in doubt: Pick Up, Look At, Talk To.

  12. I actually have that game. And the puzzles are just damn annoying.

  13. Personally when I get into situations like these I also like to taste every item I come across. It’s an adventure all its own!

  14. Major Laurence Barnes says:

    Easy connect the crystal to the bracelet then eat the crystal on the braclet then use the jawbone as a cowboy hat

  15. Guybrush Threepwood says:

    Amateurs.