Millions Of Farmers Cited For Overcrowding, Neglect of Livestock

Shawnee County, Kansas — Animal rights activists gathered today to protest against millions of farmers, citing dangerously overcrowded farms and inhumane living conditions for livestock and other animals.

“These farmers are demonstrating an incredible degree of irresponsibility.” one protester said. “Their farms are incredibly overcrowded. They’ve got animals crammed into every square inch of available space. They’re packed in like sardines. It’s inhumane.”

“That dairy building is so crammed with cattle, one cow is actually sticking his head out of a second story window,” the protester added. “That poor cow doesn’t even have room to turn around in its pen. It’s disgusting and cruel.”

“Many of these animals aren’t even traditional livestock,” another protester pointed out. “Look, isn’t that a penguin? What the heck is a penguin doing on a farm with pigs and horses?”

“That farm over there even has a couple baby elephants. I’ve seen kangaroos, gila monsters, and even a few giant pandas, which are highly endangered. Is this a farm or a zoo?”

An overcrowded dairy

While some farmers keep their livestock segregated in separate pens, other farms appear to keep all their animals mixed together, a potentially dangerous situation for the creatures.

“I see all these animals standing around together,” a protester said. “Turkeys, ducks, pigs, reindeer, cats, sheep, goats… all in the same pen. There are even some turtles in there. That doesn’t seem safe. If these animals had any room to move, they could trample each other.”

In addition to crowded conditions, protesters are concerned these animals may not be tended to properly or given the attention they need.

“Most of these farmers only visit their farms once a day, when their crops are ready to be harvested. Then they quickly feed their animals, possibly pet them once, harvest their eggs, or in the case of the penguin, ice cubes, and they’re gone until the next day. It’s neglect, pure and simple. There’s no love on these farms, no concern for the well-being of these creatures. It’s all about profit.”

“When a horse gives birth, it never even gets to care for its foal,” another protester said. “The farmer just lets his friends know there’s a baby horse available, and someone snaps it up. They call it adoption. I call it irresponsible.”

“These farmers need to put the well-being of their animals above their desire for profit.”

“This is a farm,” she added. “This isn’t a game.”


  1. Zerrick says:

    First: I belief it has become time that the government mandates a test for beginning farmers. This will limit the amount of these so-called ‘casual’ farmers.

    Next a plea for the publisher of this newspaper:
    At the right of this page are two ads: one for Volunteering at the Endangered Wildlife Reserves, something which I support myself. But the other ad is for ‘My Free Farm’, a company whose sole purpose is to make profit selling farms to untrained citizens.
    I request for this type of ads to be removed so at least this newspaper won’t help the ever-increasing abuse of livestock.

  2. I like to farm in between saving the world and ripping apart enemies with my large sword.

  3. Tali' Zorah vas Normandy nar Rayya says:

    I’ve heard the crew mention how expensive it is to get meat in deep space, due to the price of life support livestock require. Garrus and I like to joke about it, since we can’t eat levo food anyway.

  4. Plenty of farming land on Pandora. Just saying, like.

  5. Villager says:

    I wish these people would just stop whining and deal with it. Us farmers have to deal with sudden job changes, and almost constant raiding. The average life expectancy for us noncombatants is 4 minutes. So we need to overfill our farms to make sure we can make up the money we lost from such a short growing season.

  6. Kadorhal says:

    I knew a person who had an overcrowded farm like this. For some reason I kept getting mail saying it was taking in black sheep that had been abandoned by their flock for being different.

    Sheep are fucking racists.

  7. Mafia member says:

    (Witty comment here.)

    Yeah, I’ve never played any of those facebook games, but I do know that the only other game I ever see people play is that stupid mafia wars.

  8. There is a reason that the farmer keeps so much of us. Last week the mafia came down and did a drive-by on some of us. none of us know why!

  9. Johnny Gat says:

    Well, you know, sometimes you just get the urge to do a drive-by.

    Though you gotta wonder why they decided to shoot at cows and not someone who’d recently pissed them off or something.

  10. Frankie the Snitch says:

    You didn’t hear it from me but the Don is VERY LACTOSE INTOLERANT.

  11. Mafia member # 2 says:

    Damn it Frankie! Just wait ’til the boss hears about this! Until then, I can’t say I hope to see the living conditions improved. If they’re separated, it’ll be harder to get them all in one run.

  12. Those poor, poor cows. When’s the last time their pixels were brushed? ;-P

  13. Francis says:

    I hate cows.

  14. Gnarl, Advisor to the Overlord says:

    Sheepies! SHEEEEEPIEES!

    Bleh! Pathetic stupid humans and their ‘feelings’ and *wretch* ‘love’. When my Master gets back from his day out shopp– uhh, pillaging with his mistress I’ll send him and a horde of stinky, howling minions to your disgustingly green and verdant farms. That will give your bleeding hearts something to cry about – just before we show them their own bleeding hearts. *Evil cackle*

  15. Frankie you have 12 caps waitin to be busted back at the hideout.

  16. Zombie Carlos says:

    Sheeeeep Braaaaiiinnnssss…

  17. Useful stuff, thanx for getting this aired. I’d say you got the point.