Internet

Which Bite Wins?

May 19, 2011 by Christopher

For humans and animals, the best way to make more humans or animals is through sex, or, if you’re really kinky, through cloning. For the undead creatures of horror movies and fiction, the best way to reproduce is through biting. If a zombie bites someone, it makes a another zombie. If a vampire bites someone, you get another a vampire. If a werewolf bites someone, you’ve got a brand new werewolf.

A question that’s been on my mind recently (if recently means the past 16 years) is what happens if a human is bitten by a vampire, a werewolf, and a zombie all at the same time. I tried asking this on Metafilter, and a rousing discussion began but the topic was closed by a moderator before it could really get underway (you can see the deleted thread here.) Since that thread was closed, I’d like to see if I can renew the discussion here, because (I thought) it was fun and interesting.

I know there’s lots of variables to consider, because depending on which movie you watch or which book you read, the undead can follow different rules. There’s also the question of how this could possibly happen in the first place.

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Television

The Killing: Now With Motives!

May 18, 2011 by Christopher

Last Sunday’s The Killing didn’t do much to advance the murder investigation, focusing instead on the terrorism B-story, the Larsen family’s continuing downward spiral, and some long-overdue business between Linden and Holder.

First, Linden and Holder seem to have resolved their differences, their differences being that I thought Holder was awesome and Linden did not agree with me because she’s stupid. She didn’t trust Holder, because he was flashing wads of cash and having secretive meetings with some guy, and photos of Rosie’s body had been leaked to the press. She tailed him, and it turned out he was in a support group and his sponsor has been doling out his paycheck in chunks because Holder can’t be trusted with money because of whatever addiction he has (maybe gambling?).

Thankfully, Holder didn’t seem pissed that he had followed her. Why was he not pissed? Because, as I’ve said, he is awesome. Hopefully this will all mean they’ll start working together on the case and have some actual conversations instead of just being snippy with each other all the time.

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Video Games

Bullet Points: L.A. Noire, Part 1

May 18, 2011 by Christopher

Los Angeles. Nineteen-forty-something-or-so. My name? Chris Livingston. I’m a police officer. My name? Cole Phelps. So, uh… forget about the Chris Livingston thing. I got confused.

I’m investigating a murder. It’s not just any old murder. It’s a tutorial murder. Maybe it’s the damn heat, or maybe it’s just this damn city, but tutorial murders are up 23% on my beat. Damn these tutorials! They cost too many lives. Lives this damn city can’t afford.

I find a gun, and take it to a gun dealer to see what’s what. The gun dealer won’t give me a damn thing, except for the fact that he had the gun in his shop, that he sold the gun, the name of the person he sold it to, and that person’s home address. Fine, play it cool, Buster. Let’s see how cool you are when I closely examine all the DECORATIVE WOODEN DUCKS you’ve got in your store. Feel like talking now? Oh, wait, you did talk, and you’ve been extremely helpful. I’ll just put all your decorative wooden ducks back and leave. Thank you for your time, sir.

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DVD | Movies

I Can Never Let It Go

May 13, 2011 by Christopher

I was going to write a review of the film Never Let Me Go, but the first half-hour of the film featured a scene that distracted me so badly that I’m going to mainly talk about that instead. There are some premise spoilers ahead, though nothing I hadn’t already heard before watching the film.

Never Let Me Go is science-fiction, but it’s “light” science-fiction, which means the science-fiction is really just the backdrop, rather than the center, of the film. The film wants to tell a story about people, and doesn’t try to or need to explain the sci-fi stuff. Unfortunately, I’m the type of person who really does need that stuff explained, as I’ll detail below.

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Lady Business | Movies

Lady Business: Does it Hold Up?

May 13, 2011 by Kris

When I first moved to California in 1989, I remember my college friends talking about Wynona Ryder. One had an acting class with her, and the other was her walking partner at high-school graduation. (He was told to move out of the shot by some photographers, and was bitter about it.) When I see her in a movie, I’m always oddly aware that she’s my age.

Imagine my horror last year when I saw her in the Star Trek movie as Spock’s mom. She was covered in makeup, but still. Sheesh! Then, I see Black Swan where she is described as old and washed up. For all I know, ballet dancers are considered old at 15. I still felt the hit.

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Television

The Killing: Everyone Killed Rosie Larsen

May 11, 2011 by Christopher

So, we’re still watching The Killing Sunday nights on AMC. It’s mostly still very good, though a half-season in, some of its flaws are starting to show.

First of all, the glacial pacing. At times, the show appears to be hanging around and checking its watch, waiting for the last five minutes to slap a revelation or cliff-hanger into our faces. It’s mostly forgivable, because it’s a full-season mystery, and if it was throwing suspects and clues at us every commercial break, it would be obvious that none of them would turn out to be legit. Still, it could use a little more content, more substance. Mood will get you only so far; some of the gaps could use a little filling.

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Netflix | Television

Stream Cuisine: Party Down

May 9, 2011 by Christopher

I discovered Party Down last week on Netflix Instant. I’d been aware of it for a while, actually, but I wasn’t a big fan of anyone in the cast until I’d come to really enjoy Adam Scott on Parks and Recreation this season. So, I finally decided to sit down and check it out, and wound up watching all twenty episodes in the span of a few days. It’s great, which sucks, because it got cancelled a while back.

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Lady Business | Movies

Lady Business: Summer Movies

May 6, 2011 by Kris

Last year, I only went to see one movie in the theater all summer long. It was a combo of not having much out that I was interested in seeing, and also I am what you would call a ‘cheap bastage’. Of course, this summer is full of sequels and that lessens my choices. Typically, I’m not a fan of sequels unless they involve Han Solo, Legolas or some other hot nerd bait.

Hobo With a Shotgun, May 6th – Lordy, that’s a great title. If Rutger Hauer keeps to his tradition of saying only 13 lines of dialogue in any given movie, it’ll be a whole lot of silence followed by shotgun blasts. Truthfully, I’m on the fence for this one, but with a title like Hobo with a Shotgun at least I’ll know what I’m getting into.

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DVD

Black Swan

May 3, 2011 by Christopher

Quickie review: It was okay.

Longer review: Natalie Portman is a ballet dancer who is preparing for Swan Lake, and this one time she sees her face on someone else’s body and then when she looks again she doesn’t see it anymore, and then pretty much that same thing happens like five hundred more times and each time she’s like “Did I just see something weird?” and then she looks again and decides she probably didn’t. And I guess the audience is supposed to be spooked out about it and we are until maybe the 40th time it happens and then it just gets boring. And maybe we’re supposed to wonder if it’s something supernatural or if she’s just nuts, but it’s pretty clear she’s just nuts, as far as I could tell.

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Lady Business | Television

Lady Business: Food Porn

April 29, 2011 by Kris

When Chris and I first started dating, he had a TV with rabbit ears that only seemed to receive PBS. We watched a fair amount of Julia Child and Jacques Pepin. My favorite was Cooking with Claudine, where Mr. Pepin would explain to his daughter what the heck eggs are and how to make food from them.

Many years later when funds were more plentiful and the rabbit ears were retired, I found the Food Network. If you are like my friend Jason, you watch the Food Network as a functional “how-to” in your life and learn to create delicious food. He once watched an episode of Alton Brown’s Good Eats called “My Big Fat Greek Sandwich”, and then proceeded to make the glorious thing. We ate like kings, I tell you! I, on the other hand, once watched the episode on Eggs Benedict and was completely lost after step 23 of 739.

Much like how MTV once showed music videos, the Food Network has evolved away from it’s original I’ll-cook-and-explain-what-I’m-doing-so-you-can-do-this-at-home format to it’s current format full of competition shows and fat guys eating. I can’t complain, because I love to watch people eat. Luckily, the Travel Channel has gotten into the game and expanded my choices. Here are some worth checking out.

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