World

After 30 Years, World War II Shows No Sign of Ending

Kalt, Germany – Roughly 30 years after the first shot was fired, it seems nothing — not the billions of lives lost, not the trillions of dollars spent, not even the repeated assassination of the dreaded Mecha-Hitler — will bring about the end of World War II. Citizens the world over have begun to wonder if the brutal, destructive conflict will ever end, and why it hasn’t already.

“Well, It’s an extremely popular war,” says Sergeant Bill Taylor, who has personally participated in thousands of invasions of Normandy. “Simple as that. Soldiers love it. Ask a soldier to choose which war he’d most like to fight and die in, and he’ll choose World War II. Every time.”

Variety, Taylor surmises, is one of the big reasons the war remains so popular with soldiers both young and old. “You like tanks? Planes? Trench warfare? Submarines? You want to shoot guys close-up, or give orders to a squad from a safe distance? You want to fight in Europe or Russia or Africa or the Pacific? World War II has got it all. It’s just a fantastic war.”

Taylor admits recruitment in the decades-long conflict does seem to drop from time to time, but remains confident that every few months the fighting will escalate once more, drawing in new combatants as well as battle-hardened veterans.

“Sometimes soldiers will leave and try out another war. Maybe in another time period, like Ancient Rome or the Napoleonic Era. Sometimes they go fight in space or with a bunch of stupid elves or something, but eventually they come back to good old World War II. ”

Mecha-Hitler's repeated deaths have done little to end the war.

“Sure, there are more modern conflicts,” he adds. “The Middle East is hot right now. But World War II is a classic, and you just can’t beat a classic.”

As well as its popularity among soldiers, some cite the increase in complexity of the seemingly endless war as an important factor in its longevity.

“Early on in the war, the conflict was relatively simple, maybe a single pilot in a Super Ace plane, trying to single-handedly destroy the Japanese fleet,” says Captain B.J. Blazkowicz, who has fought in numerous campaigns against Nazi forces.

“When I started fighting, it was just me, creeping around a Nazi stronghold, bribing guards, unlocking chests, looking for secret Nazi war plans. Later, it got a lot more violent and more complicated. More weapons, more enemies. Now, instead of lone soldiers facing throngs of Axis enemies by themselves, I look around and see the battlefields are full of soldiers. Twenty-four, thirty-two, sometimes even more.”

Whether due to popularity, complexity, or the sheer number of different ways for soldiers to join the fight, it remains certain that World War II is showing no signs of letting up.

“When faced with the choice of fighting in modern conflicts, space wars of the future, or sword-and sorcery battles in medieval or fantasy realms,” Sergeant Taylor concludes, “we’re finding that many soldiers will still choose World War II.”

“Let’s face it. No one will ever get tired of killing Nazis.”

Comments

  1. Kringlorr says:

    TBH Mecha-Hitler isn’t that bad of a guy. He’s pretty nice when you get to know him.

  2. Masterofpirates says:

    You gotta admit though, a lot of people can’t seem to get enough of dancing naked in Azeroth.

  3. World War II… World War II never changes…

    I don’t know what sick man invented this so-called “respawn”, but it’s the most horrible thing that humanity ever created. Why? Because if there was no respawns, then all the Nazis would be dead already. How many times do we need to kill the same soldiers over and over? No one ever thought how painful it is to die and more importantly – how horrible experiencing it more than once could be? Death is not scary anymore because of that…

  4. Nazi Grunt AI says:

    Some think my Job is terrible, you know with all the genocide and stuff, but let me tell you the health care is excellent! I’ve been brought back to live and sent down a small linear corridor at those invincible Americans at least 4 billion times!

  5. British Grunt says:

    The trouble is that those damn Nazis come up with more and more ways to prolong the war. At first they were easy kills, but soon they got better AI and then realistic hitboxes. Now? They’re turning into bloody zombies. Nazi Zombies! Isn’t that just the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard?

  6. Guys, I think I figured it out! I’ve been fighting the same few battles for about seven years now, picking off soldiers from a distance, and the Nazis just kept reinforcing their positions every time. So I decided to just poke my head into their base briefly to see how they were getting so many soldiers up to the line. And as soon as I did…they just stopped coming.

    I still don’t know how the technology works, but it looks like you can cut off all reinforcements to a position by just moving forward about twenty feet. Weird, huh? Maybe now we can use this knowledge to finally beat the Nazis once and for all.

  7. I realize that I’m breaking from the classic video game inhabitant, but, I love the reference to CoD: 2. My favorite CoD of them all.

  8. Nazi Zombie AI says:

    BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIINS!

    (I personally don’t mind the WW2 fighting. At least with World War 2 people are put up against enemies that have a fair chance, though I must say some of the soldiers can take an extraordinary amount of bullets before dieing).

    BRA…AAAAAAAAAINS!

    (But really, people forget about us zombies. Sure, historians might claim we didn’t exist, but we’re still here damnit. Some of my buddies have been leaving World War 2 era Earth to get better jobs. Hell my best friend just left to go attack some guys garden. Sure, people don’t mind blowing through hordes and hordes of Nazis, but the interest in killing Nazis who are zombies has fallen drastically.)

    …BRAINS.

    (I personally blame the world’s unrealistic portrayal of zombies in the media. It used to be us zombies could simply walk around slowly, be almost impossible to kill, and only be able to hurt people up close. But recently the media has made us all out to be extremely quick, intelligent, and occasionally capable of using weapons. I’m sorry but we can’t all do that. Just because I can’t run faster than a regular person or use an AK-47, I am considered inferior or even boring. It’s just not the same as it used to be. Oh, excuse me for a second…)

    BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS!

    (BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS!)

  9. Hitler keeps ranting about this very topic on Youtube. I think he’s just cranky because he lost his Xbox account. But as long as he exists there, WWII will never end (or at least until he gets his account suspended)

  10. Let me tell you, any allied soldiers reading this, you’re the LEAST of our problems. It’s the OTHER forces that really terrify me. I’ve only been here a few weeks, but I’ve seen things no Nazi was ever meant to see.

    I mean, the Vampires, for one. I don’t know if you guys are sending them over here but if you are, please, please stop. We don’t get much in the way of… well… titillation, out here on the front lines, and so when we start getting devoured alive by a beautiful, half naked, leather-wearing red-head… it’s just below the belt, ok? Low blow. How would you like it if we attacked you with your american cheerleaders? Hey?

    I just… I can’t take it anymore. Once, we were completely routed by a squirrel. Honest to god, a squirrel. I don’t even know how it got into the base, but it had a cigar clamped in it’s tiny mouth, and it somehow managed to hold two machine guns in it’s adorable little paws, and it mowed down every single one of us in it’s way.

    If… if all this is some giant joke from you guys, then you’ve won. We’re beaten. You can just frigging TAKE castle wolfenstien, we don’t even want it any more. I was trained to kill cold-bloodedly, but this is too much.

  11. Okay…if you’re really a Nazi, how did you speak a full sentence in English, much less a rant like that? Sorry, but I call BS on the squirrel. I happen to know several.

  12. United States Soldier says:

    What I don’t get it is how we can fund ALL the wars we’re fighting, WWII, several different ones, several wars in the Middle East. That thing with Russia after the terrorist attacks at that airport, the Chimera
    invasion, OH! How about that thing with Pandora’s box and all those mythical creatures killing everyone?

    Seriously, I can only fight so many battles.

  13. Well count me out. Far too many Americans in WWII! I would prefer to fight ad die in a war that has English, ANZACS, India Corps, Fijians, not to mention the hundred or so other countries that seem to be completely absent from the action in WWII.

    If only Hitler knew just how many American soldiers there were when he declared war against USA in 1939, he would have reconsidered.

  14. WWII is probably one of the most romanticized and dramatized wars in the world history of mankind.. The only other war I can think that has such a rich narrative history as it is the Trojan War. It’s no coincidence it shows up in our arts and entertainment constantly.

  15. Lt. Jimmy Patterson says:

    Don’t tell me about how long this war has gone. Thousands, shear thousands of operations I’ve been on. Here’s the thing though: every time the OSS sends me on a secret mission it’s me up against what equates to a large mansion of Nazis.

    So I don’t successfully blow up a mustard gas factory and they have to send in that sissy Lt. Powell, maybe if they sent in some soldiers besides just me maybe I’d be more successful. Hell maybe the war would be over by now if I had some men with me on these covert assignments to destroy the German war machine.

    I stole a goddamn secret jet plane, flew it right off the German’s runway and you’re telling me I don’t deserve some extra help by now!

  16. Hans Landa says:

    You see, the problem is that not all Germans are as cultured as I am. Wait, I’m not even “German”. I hail from the Austrian Alps. Nevertheless my point remains. Surely the Fhrer had good reasons calling me from my Alps into France to deal with, let’s say, the rats of our societies.

    But I have to admit, yes, it does get a bit boring on the long run. On the other hand, there’s nothing a fresh glass of milk and a good smoke can’t heal.

    Now excuse me, I have to deal with this annoying starlet and her Italian friends. So much work, so little time.

  17. Frank Rock says:

    Welcome to my world.

    Now, when Brass tells Easy to jump?

    Sir yes sir and how high, don’t get me wrong. Hell, they point us at the Germans with sharp sticks, we get to stabbing.

    Took out a couple Panzer divisions that way.

    But it has been going on forever, costing Easy good men every day. I’m pretty sure Ice Cream Soldier has died about, oh, twenty times, by himself.

    And one of the new guys, Figures or Numbers or Specs or some nickname that wasn’t being used, started crunching numbers. It turns out I’ve killed the entire Nazi party by myself.

    Five times over.

    And you know what? I’m still fighting. So are you all going to go bellyaching or do you remember there’s a WAR going on?

  18. Captain Price says:

    I’m fine with the whole world war 2 thing. What really grinds my gears is when my soldiers stay in one spot shooting at the endless hordes of nazis, when they should be moving up. I mean, just look at MacGreggor over there. Sitting on that MG, not accomplishing anything because the nazi’s have infinite respawns. Bloody hell.

  19. Frank West says:

    You think never ending nazis is tough? Try infinite zombies!

  20. Alexei Ivanovich Voronin says:

    World War 2 was thee most horrendous event of my life. Not because of the senseless killings, constant respawns and deaths, no, it’s just that… oh, dear… it’s just that when the war started… all of my beloved comrades stopped speaking Russian.
    I know, it’s crazy but when I was assaulting Stalingrad, I listened in disbelief to our supply officer who gave the encouragement speech in Enlish. Not only that, it was that horrible, magled, accented kind of English, comrades.
    I guess that is why all the soldiers just ran towards the fire like a dim flock of sheep – they just didn’t get their orders. I tried to opproach one of our soldiers who was clearly doing something important – but the bastard didn’t speak Russian as well.
    The main motivation for me conquering Berlin was to bring my language back. I did it, I helped put the flag up, but the War never did end.

  21. Simo Hayha says:

    You think it’s bad for you guys? I’m constantly being called a cheater or a camper, even by my own side. I can’t go five minutes without being overwhelmed with profanity.

    And then everything usually goes blank, I’m just no longer in the world and there’s a voice in my head telling me I’ve been “kicked.” Sometimes I float there in nothingness for minutes, sometimes hours or even days before I’m able to do anything again. If you think the pain of dying and respawning is bad, you should spend days trapped in limbo.

  22. BLU Soldier says:

    You are all weak! You are all bleeders!
    Oh, and that Heavy is a spy.