Featured | Lifestyle

Seminar On Improving Doorway Navigation Skills Delayed By Doorway

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Attendees walk in place, exchange pleasantries for long hours

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World

After 30 Years, World War II Shows No Sign of Ending

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Roughly 30 years after the first shot was fired, it seems nothing — not the billions of lives lost, not the trillions of dollars spent, not even the repeated assassination of the dreaded Mecha-Hitler — will bring about the end of World War II.

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World

Report: One in Four Children Born With Ability To Slow Down Time

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A shocking report was released today by medical researchers working at the Mount Sinai Medical Center’s Bullet-Time Research and Treatment Division, stating that as many as one in four children today are being born with the ability to temporarily slow down time.

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World

Health Pack Reform Divides Nation

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Proposal includes provisions to provide free health packs not just to lone heroes on world-saving missions, but also to average citizens such as taxi drivers, bartenders, merchants, prostitutes, farmers, security guards, helicopter pilots, priests, and even scientists who stand around forever fiddling with some vague bit of technical equipment without ever actually fixing or activating it.

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Local

Elite Soldier Accidentally Fires Rocket, Injures Self

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“It was an accident,” the commando admits. “I thought I was holding my binoculars but it turned out I was holding my missile launcher.”

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