The Demo Man

Watchmen: The End is Nigh, And There is Punching

The prisoner is in front of me. He has long hair and is wearing a blue jumpsuit.

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The Demo Man

Mount & Blade

Welcome to a Very Special episode of The Demo Man.  Why is it Very Special?  Because I actually played a demo I kind of like, as opposed to the demos I usually play which are pure crap.  Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of crap in this demo.  But what isn’t crap is actually really, really good, so I’m afraid I’ll have to say some nice things about it. Bear with me.

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The Demo Man

Infernal: Kicking Ass And Taking Souls

Infernal is an in-your-face demo of a game that’s all about kicking ass! Even the menu screen will kick you in the ass with your own face! In fact, the hero of the demo, the guy you play, is named Jake Asskicker. I know, it sounds like I’m making that up, but I’m not — that’s his actual name. Jake. Asskicker. I am not lying.

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To The Death! | Video Games

To The… Finish Line!

Yes, it’s the 2006 Olympic Games, brought to you live from Italy!

Cs_italy, that is. This charming Counter-Strike map will host today’s event, the marathon, or as they say in Italy, marathan-o. That’s right, this isn’t a deathmatch, it’s a race! This twenty-six mile footrace will take our competitors through the narrow streets of cs_italy roughly 265 times, so I hope you’re ready to see hundreds upon hundreds of pictures of running!

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To The Death! | Video Games

To The Death! Round Three, Match Three

Time for the rubber match between the antlions and the Gordon Frohmen! As usual, we’ll be changing things up a bit for the third and final round.

We’ll still have three Frohmen, but since they got their asses kicked last time, we’re gonna downgrade their hardware. Yes, downgrade. We’d had them armed with an AR2, an SMG, and a shotgun, but if you read the comic, you know Frohman prefers his pistol above everything else, except maybe his shovel. So, we’re going to arm all three Frohmen with the pistols. Though small, they hold an 18-round clip and at close range they really pack a punch. Or at least a paf.

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To The Death! | Video Games

To The Death! (Round Three, Match Two)

Four men, trapped on a desert island, surrounded by monsters.

No, it’s not this week’s episode of “Lost” (though Frohman does look a bit like Jack). It’s today’s episode of To The Death!

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To The Death! | Video Games

To The Death! (Round Three, Match One)

As the saying goes, “No man is an island.”

Especially not this dork. However, he is on an island, the island in the lagoon of the gm_construct map.

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To The Death! | Video Games

To The Death! (Round Two, Match Three)

As usual, when our To The Death! match-ups seem a little one-sided, we make some drastic adjustments in the third match. This time, it’s a hardware upgrade for our Metro Cops.

Say hello to my little friend, the submachine gun, or SMG. With a 45-round magazine, it allows for a high rate of fire with only the occasional pause for reloading, which is good because the cops aren’t the most accurate shooters. In fact, they couldn’t hit Xen if they fell through a Volatile Resonance Cascade Tridimensional Entanglement Portal! Am I right, guys? Ha ha! Ah, but I tease the cops.

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To The Death! | Video Games

To The Death! (Round Two, Match Two)

Hi! We’re back with the second match-up of fifteen headcrab zombies versus three Metro Cops. Things didn’t go too well for the Boys from the Citadel last time, so we’ve changed the playing field a tad, by removing some of the barrels from their side of the car barricade.

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To The Death! | Video Games

To The Death! (Round Two; Match One)

Welcome to another round of To The Death! We’re ready for another bout of spawn-combat, brought to you on the gm_construct map of Garry’s Mod. No posing of ragdolls, no pulling of punches, just lots and lots of of frenzied killing.

Now. If you were to examine the business model of the local Combine concern, you’d see they succeed due to a strict adherence to a carefully regimented hierarchy. At the top of the heap, you’ve got the Combine Advisor, followed by Dr. Breen, then probably Striders, Gunships, Attack Choppers, Drop Ships, Combine Elite, Combine Soldiers, and then the lowly Metro Cop. Though, I suppose Manhacks and Scanners would be lower down the ladder than the Metro Cops. And, I guess Stalkers would have to fit in there somewhere, too. And gun turrets! And that British lady who makes those PA announcements. Ooh, forgot about the APCs, too. Huh, I’ll have to actually sit down and make a real org chart someday.

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