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Police Investigate Latest Disappearance of M.I.T. Graduate

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Police today questioned a mysterious, possibly malevolent agent known only as G-Man as part of their investigation into the latest disappearance of M.I.T. graduate, professor of theoretical physics, and former Black Mesa Research Facility employee Gordon Freeman.

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$200 Million Nanosuit Used Primarily to Throw Turtle Around

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A U.S. Army Delta Force team member, dispatched to combat North Korean Forces who had taken over an island in the South China Sea and abducted several archeologists working there, has been using his taxpayer-funded, $200 million combat Nanosuit primarily to throw a turtle around.

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Hostages Rescued By Courageous Racist

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After a daring daylight raid on a small town in the Matera Province of Italy, four employees of DSB Computer Solutions expressed joy and relief for having been freed from the clutches of their terrorist captors, as well as admitting a great deal of discomfort about the nature of one of their rescuers, an outspoken racist.

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Elite Soldier Accidentally Fires Rocket, Injures Self

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“It was an accident,” the commando admits. “I thought I was holding my binoculars but it turned out I was holding my missile launcher.”

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