Opinion

I Don’t Know What I’ll Do With All This Used Armor I Keep Buying

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As innkeeper of The Lonely Suitor Lodge in Bravil, in Southern Cyrodiil, I’m faced with a number of challenges. Keeping my lodge nice and tidy, my guests happy, and my rooms affordable is tough in this day and age while still managing to turn a profit. It definitely doesn’t help that I keep buying used sets of armor from any hero who walks in the front door.

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World

Health Pack Reform Divides Nation

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Proposal includes provisions to provide free health packs not just to lone heroes on world-saving missions, but also to average citizens such as taxi drivers, bartenders, merchants, prostitutes, farmers, security guards, helicopter pilots, priests, and even scientists who stand around forever fiddling with some vague bit of technical equipment without ever actually fixing or activating it.

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Local

Hostages Rescued By Courageous Racist

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After a daring daylight raid on a small town in the Matera Province of Italy, four employees of DSB Computer Solutions expressed joy and relief for having been freed from the clutches of their terrorist captors, as well as admitting a great deal of discomfort about the nature of one of their rescuers, an outspoken racist.

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Lifestyle

Sim’s Huge, Spacious Home Detrimentally Huge, Spacious

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Sim Citizen Stiles McGraw, after saving for years to afford his huge, cavernous dream home, was dismayed to discover that his new house is so vast and spacious that it’s destroying his lifestyle.

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Local

Elite Soldier Accidentally Fires Rocket, Injures Self

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“It was an accident,” the commando admits. “I thought I was holding my binoculars but it turned out I was holding my missile launcher.”

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