An editorial by Horace P. Dunwoody, Developer and Industrialist
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Local
Unlike Horses, New "Motorized Wagon" Essentially Theft-Proof
As a newfangled mechanical contraption known as a “motorized wagon” arrived in Blackwater today, local officials heralded a new age wherein the wanton theft of personal conveyances would finally be at an end.
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World
World of Goo Corporation Criticized For Massive Goo Spill
The World of Goo Corporation is being heavily criticized for what some are calling lackluster efforts to contain a massive Goo spill that is threatening the environment, and possibly even the internet.
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World
Millions Of Farmers Cited For Overcrowding, Neglect of Livestock
Animal rights activists gathered today to protest against millions of farmers, citing dangerously overcrowded farms and inhumane living conditions for livestock and other animals.
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Local
Test Subject Thinks Portal Gun Makes Her Ass Look Big
A female test subject, freshly awakened from a relaxation vault in a secret underground laboratory, has begun to wonder if the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device she is testing makes her ass look big.
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Local
Gotham’s Legendary Crime-Fighter Gradually Learns to Fight Crime
Legendary Gotham City crime-fighter Batman, after years of vigilante service combating thugs, monsters, and super villains, gradually learned a number of basic crime-fighting moves while dealing with the Joker’s recent takeover of Arkham Asylum.
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